


All That I Am (Rosalie)

by staringatthesky



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Het Relationship, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Family, POV Female Character, Romance, character history
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 08:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 78,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatthesky/pseuds/staringatthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because one day Rosalie saved a man from a bear and became his angel, and even when someone worships you it's not easy to let go of your past and embrace your future. For Rosalie and Emmett finding each other was only the first step.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All There Is

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All That I Am](https://archiveofourown.org/works/539162) by [staringatthesky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatthesky/pseuds/staringatthesky). 



> My favourite bad-ass bitch is back! This is going to be Rosalie’s version of my All That I Am fic, which was Emmett’s story of becoming a vampire and falling in love. Now we’ll get to hear from Rosalie and find out what it was like for her to open up and let go of herself enough to love him.  
> Parts of this fic will be pretty much straight lifts from All That I Am (conversations etc) but with Rosalie’s thoughts and feelings at the forefront, as well as other moments and events and conversations that weren’t included in that. I also want to go into a bit more detail about Rosalie’s human life, particularly her relationship with Royce, as a counterpoint to her emerging relationship with Emmett.  
> I love comments and messages and try to reply to all of them. This story is not, at this point, planned out in every last detail so if there’s something you want me to write about or something you’d like to see happen, feel free to message me and suggest it- I make no promises, but I’ll think on it.  
> Time wise, this story starts in 1935, a few months after the Cullens returned to the US from their European tour. This included a brief stay in Volterra, which I wrote about in Chapter 5 of Someone To Vote No- you don’t have to have read that one for this to make sense, but it is referred to a little bit.

“Rosalie?” Esme knocked gently on my door. “I have your laundry.”

I rose to my feet and opened my bedroom door. “Thank you.”

Esme stepped into my room and passed me a pile of folded clothes and underwear. As I placed them neatly in my drawers Esme took the dresses she was carrying on hangers over to the closet for me.

“I’ll just hang these up for you,” she said cheerfully. “Oh, your closet is getting a little over-crowded. Perhaps we should sort through it and donate some to charity? There are so many needy people in the district and you’ve a pile of things here in the corner that…”

“Don’t touch those!” I slammed the drawer shut and lunged towards the closet, but I was too late. Esme had already gathered up the pile of discarded clothes and as she swung to face me there was a clatter and a sparkle of reflected light. Both of us froze as we stared at the exquisite ruby and diamond stitched gown that had been hidden in the far corner of the closet, and had now fallen from the bundle of clothes and lay on the floor between us.

“Oh Rosalie,” Esme said softly. “I didn’t realise you’d hidden…of course I wouldn’t have gone into your personal things if I’d known.” We both knew that it wasn’t just a dress. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered. “I don’t want it, I just didn’t know what to do with it. Take it, by all means.” I snatched the gown up and thrust it at Esme almost defiantly. That beautiful dress had been given to me by Aro in Volterra, but all the glamour and richness of it did nothing but remind me of violence and terror and I wanted nothing to do with it.

“It’s a beautiful gown and you looked wonderful in it,” Esme told me gently. “I know we don’t attend the sort of events where you might wear it at the moment, but perhaps one day…”

I shook my head. “I won’t ever wear it again.” My voice was hard and brooked no argument.

Esme touched the fabric of the dress gently. “I’ll take it and see what I can do. It can’t go to charity with the jewels on it.” She hesitated. “I know we live a very quiet life here Rosalie, and it’s perhaps not what you would like. Socialising with humans can be difficult, but I’m sure if you wanted to go to any of the social events at college or in town Edward would escort you if you asked him. I know Carlisle would be happy to accompany you when he’s not at the hospital. We understand that you might be a little bored and lonely here.”

I played with the pendant around my neck and tried to smile at Esme. “That’s thoughtful of you, but I would really rather not Esme. I’m fine as things are.”

As a newborn vampire I had certainly complained long and bitterly about the lack of socialising and fun. In truth I still missed it, missed the laughter and flirtation and fun of my human world with a ceaseless longing, but I knew that attempting to recapture those feelings as a vampire would be futile. The ease of my human life, with my simple desires and straightforward ambitions and the seemingly never ending fulfilment of my wishes was irrevocably gone, and it caused nothing but hurt to pretend otherwise.

Esme looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about Rosalie? You’ve been very quiet recently…you’re hardly even arguing with Edward,” she finished with a teasing smile, I suppose hoping to lighten my mood.

I looked out the window at the forest, dark and dripping, and shrugged. “I’m okay.”

Esme paused for a long moment, and then said slowly, “Well, I won’t bother you anymore now, but you should feel free to talk to me at any time. Carlisle and I are always happy to listen, if you should need an ear.”

“Thank you,” I said softly, still staring out the window and watching the rain fall through the trees. “But don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”

Esme looked unconvinced, but a few seconds later she vanished from my room, the door closing silently behind her as I pressed my forehead against the cool glass.

I wished for a moment I could talk to Esme. I wished that I could find words to explain this endless darkness inside me, this darkness of hate and rage and despair, and be able to find some comfort. I wished, with a kind of desperate hopelessness, that I could reach out to someone, anyone, who might assuage this deep loneliness. But I couldn’t. There was no one that I could trust with the gut wrenching intensity of emotion I struggled against daily.

A year and a half after my human life had ended I had, at least outwardly, accepted what I had become. I hunted when I was thirsty, I attended a small, private liberal arts college nearby with Edward, I helped Esme with the house, I spent my spare time engaged in pursuing my hobbies and interests, and I did it all as quietly and decorously as I could. Oh, I snapped and snarled and argued with Edward, but I no longer fought against what couldn’t be changed. After our brief time in Volterra I took my place as a member of this odd, makeshift family and accepted that this was what my life was going to be and I had to make the best of it. And if it wasn’t what I felt in my heart…well, I had time in abundance to make it real and no other option but to learn how.

I sighed and turned away from the window, going back to the model aeroplane I was constructing. I enjoyed the delicate, intricate work involved and reminded myself as I did it to move slowly and humanly. Carlisle had been right when he told me that it was good practice to do things at a human pace even when no one was around to see, I’d spent so much time disciplining myself to ignore my vampire speed and act human that it that it was becoming almost second nature.

I heard Carlisle come home from work, talking briefly to Edward in the living room before he bounded up the stairs and into the room he and Esme shared. I ignored the murmured conversation from across the hallway as I focussed on building the second wing for my miniature Tiger Moth, smiling to myself as the delicate craft began taking recognisable shape. It was only when I paused for a moment, holding two sections together as the glue dried rapidly under my cold fingers, that I became aware of the change in sounds from Carlisle and Esme.

I tried to block it out. I had no desire to listen to the noises of their intimate time together, the tell-tale sighs and muted moans and rhythmic rocking of their bed that always left me either taut with embarrassment or shaking with revulsion over the memories it raised. But vampire hearing can’t be turned off when it’s convenient and my room was just too close to theirs, so after only a moment I left the pieces of my model on the blanket on the floor I worked on and dropped from my window to the grass outside. I went to the garage, the place I always went when I needed some space and solace.

Edward was already there. He was better at ignoring things than I was, I suppose nothing he could hear with his ears was anywhere near as disturbing as what he’d read right out of people’s heads over the years, but he would often join me out in the garage at such times. I wondered occasionally if he did this more for my benefit than his, so that I wouldn’t have to be alone with my tormenting memories. But thinking about that always made me uncomfortably aware of what Edward must have heard in my thoughts over the past year and a half and I refused to dwell on that. 

Edward smiled at me from where he sat on the stool, a book held loosely in his hands. I perched on the workbench beside him with my legs dangling, and for a moment we both sat quietly, contemplating the dark, wet world outside our garage sanctuary.

“What are you reading?” I asked at last.

Edward shrugged. “Some music theory.”

“Ah.” Conversational dead end. I could play the piano, but not like Edward, and my knowledge of musical theory was sketchy at best, and my interest in it even less.

“Is it always going to be like this?” I asked into the lengthening silence, and I could have bitten my tongue off at the note of desperation in my voice.

“Like what?” Edward asked quietly.

“Like _this_ ,” I said in frustration. “Them, up there together…you and I, down here…” I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. “Is this all there is?”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Edward’s face. “Would you prefer that you and I were…?”

“No!” I kicked at him and gave a short laugh. “I don’t think so! I won’t ever…not with anyone.” I snapped my mouth shut. Stupid to regret anything I said to Edward, he always heard so much more than just the words I spoke anyway, but I still resented him knowing all my secrets and didn’t share with him easily.

“Oh, you will,” Edward said, looking at me with a combination of pity and affection that made me alternate between wanting to grin at him and wanting to strangle him. “I’ve no doubt that you’ll find some vampire man who will be so entranced by you you’ll convert him to our vegetarian ways and live happily ever after.”

I snorted. “I wouldn’t have thought you were such a fantasist, Edward.” The idea of some mystery vampire man, well, the idea of _any_ man touching me left me cold. I sighed and pulled my legs up on to the workbench to rest my chin on my knees, letting my hair fall forward to hide my face from Edward. “It’s not that I want…that,” I said after a moment. “What Carlisle and Esme have together is something I can’t do.”

“Rosalie…”

“Don’t,” I said bluntly. “Don’t give me platitudes Edward…I know what I am and this is the way we live and that’s that.” I flipped my hair back and looked at him. “I guess this is all there is for me.”

_This is all there is. Hiding in the garage with Edward because I’m both jealous of the love Carlisle and Esme share and sickened by what they do and the things it makes me remember. I want so much more than what I have, and at the same time I wish Carlisle had just let me die…there’s too much hurt and the contradictions of me are just too big!_

_There is so much hate, and anger and fear inside me, and I don’t know how to change anything. I don’t know how to change myself, and I don’t know how to change my circumstances, and I can’t take the risk of vulnerability by letting those who would help me in. It’s an endless spiral and I don’t know that I’ll ever escape._

Edward’s face was carefully blank as he looked outside, and I felt the familiar lick of resentment and anger that I couldn’t have secrets from him. _I hate you being in my head! Get out!_ I knew he meant nothing bad, I had to admit he was the soul of discretion and in the months since we’d returned from Europe he had done his utmost to pretend he heard nothing at all because it might make me happy, but even after a year and half it still made me feel violated to know that he heard all my private thoughts.

“Let’s go for a drive,” Edward said abruptly, rising to his feet and dropping the book on the stool he’d been sitting on. Moving preternaturally fast he took the keys from the board and tossed them across to me. “Come on Rose, drive me somewhere where I can watch the sunrise.”

I rolled my eyes, but followed his lead and climbed into the driver’s seat of the Buick, moving smoothly down the driveway. I didn’t know whether Carlisle and Esme would even notice we were gone, caught up in being together as they were, but I pressed briefly on the horn anyway to let them know we were leaving. As soon as we were on the road I began accelerating, pushing the car faster, not really noticing where I was heading but just enjoying the sense of freedom that driving always gave me.

Beside me Edward wound down the window and the cold, damp darkness seemed to rush in with the wind. We didn’t talk as we drove and I was grateful for his silence as the noise of the car and the roaring wind and the rain on the glass soothed my jangled nerves. As the sky grew almost imperceptibly lighter I began winding my way higher through the hills, eventually pulling over on the grass verge where the road crested the ridge.

The rain had stopped by then and the fierce winds were moving the clouds rapidly across the sky. I thought sourly that even the weather favoured Edward- he wanted to see a sunrise and damned if even the clouds didn’t get out of his way so he could. All the same, as the sky began to be streaked with lighter grey and faint pinks and blues, I was glad I’d come with him. It was nice to be reminded occasionally that there were still bigger things in the world than me and my problems.

“I think about the old myths sometimes,” Edward said reflectively. “Imagine if they were true and this sunrise was deadly to us…imagine how different it would be to return to the coffin every day, and never see the sun! It would be impossible to feel anything other than a creature of darkness in those circumstances.”

I shuddered, although I don’t know whether it was the images of coffins Edward’s words conjured up or at the other thought that crept silently into my mind. _At least that would be a way out. At least that would be an end to this._

Suddenly too restless to stay and play my role I pushed my way out of the car. Edward looked after me in surprise, but I tossed the key to him with a grimace.

“I’m going hunting,” I said. “Can you take the car home?”

“Do you want company?” Edward asked, careful to sound neither eager nor reluctant. “I don’t mind coming with you.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ll be fine on my own. See you when I get back.” Raising a hand in a brief farewell, I then turned my back on him and ran into the forest. I ran fast and hard, that effortless vampire run that ate up the miles and felt like flying, and as the forest whipped past my eyes I wished bleakly that I could only outrun myself as easily as I was running away from Edward.


	2. The Bear and the Man

Eventually I slowed my run to a walk. Not because I was tired, because that didn’t happen, but simply because I’d already come further than I’d ever been before and unless I wanted to eventually run in to the sea I would have to stop at some point. I was in the mountains somewhere, and the filtered sunlight falling through the trees was soft and peaceful.

I took down a deer, quickly and efficiently. Familiarity had dulled my strong feelings of revulsion to the act of killing but hunting was still hard for me. I loved the physical act of hunting, the strength and speed and stealth, but every time I caught an animal and tore through the hide with my teeth to take in a spurt of fresh blood I still felt a bone deep stab of shame and disgust at the monster I’d become.

Once I was finished I buried the carcass quickly, disliking the way the dull, dead eyes stared at nothing. I was taking my time to cover the burial spot, artfully arranging some sticks and dried leaves for my own amusement when the wind suddenly shifted and I smelled it on the breeze. The heavy, musky scent of a bear intermingled with something else…the venom began to flow in my mouth as my instincts recognised it even before my mind thought the words. _Human blood. Fresh and flowing._

I was on my feet and flying swiftly through the forest in an instant. All my senses were heightened with my desire for that delicious scent and I never hesitated as I weaved my way through the trees to find the source. It was not far and I heard the angry snarling and growls of the bear and the hoarse, agonised scream of a man before I broke through a final stand of trees and saw them. I was on the edge of a clearing and I paused for a fraction of an instant to assess the situation in front of me.

The man was lying on his back at the top of a small rise right in front of me, a knapsack with two dead birds tied to it on the ground nearby. A shotgun was on the grass by his side but the arm stretched out towards it was twisted and bent and I knew it was broken and useless. Standing over him on her hind legs was a large and clearly very irritated bear, and even as I watched she growled and dropped down onto her four paws, swiping at the man again as he screamed again and tried unsuccessfully to roll away from those lethal claws. I heard the unmistakeable sound of breaking bone as the animal thumped down onto his leg, and then without another thought I leapt towards them.

Seizing the bear I snapped her neck effortlessly then tossed the furry body to the side and, without sparing it a glance, knelt at the side of the man who lay at my feet. Bears were good to feed on, but I didn’t even think of it as the scent of the man’s blood invaded my consciousness. The animal had torn him open from the shoulder to the abdomen and the tattered remains of his clothing were soaked with blood. _Oh my god, all that blood…I want it, want that, WANT IT._ I breathed in and the heady scent of it nearly set the world spinning as the monster of my blood lust burned.

I crouched beside him and for a moment it felt like there was nothing in the world but that slick, ruby red blood flowing across the man’s tanned skin and my own impassioned desire for it. For a year and a half I had held back my raging thirst and desperate craving for blood with nothing but my own iron will and yet there, alone in the forest, I felt the walls falling. I had never done this. I had made promises to Carlisle and Esme and Edward, but it was clear from the slowing heartbeat that this man was dying. There was no preservation of life possible here.

_It doesn’t matter. He’s dying anyway…I can’t do anything for him except speed up his end. I want it so much…surely just this once it won’t matter? Oh god, that smells so good…I need it…_

Slowly, almost hesitantly, I leaned across his body until my lips were inches from one of the jagged tears on his neck. I could never explain it but, instead of plunging my teeth into that inviting curve of his neck and shoulder and draining him dry immediately, I had opened my mouth, pressed my lips against his collarbone and licked him.

Oh, the taste of it! My eyes flew open with shock as the delicious flavours of hot, fresh blood danced on my tongue and my body trembled with the sheer pleasure of it. So this was what I had been missing! I licked my lip to get the rest of it and then, about to fasten my mouth onto the shattered body in front of me and take what I wanted with such intensity, I looked for one instant at the face of the man whose life I was about to bring to an end and everything, _everything_ , changed.

He was beautiful. Even as his tanned skin took on a greenish pallor as the life leached out of him, even with his dark curly hair caked with blood and smelling like bear he was beautiful. Captivated I stared at the vulnerable, full lipped mouth and then my gaze drifted to the blue eyes surrounded by sooty dark lashes that met mine, not with the look of horror and revulsion I expected, but with a look of blissful wonderment. He could barely speak, but he moved his lips and as I bent closer I heard him whisper one word. “ _Angel…”_

I don’t know what it was. Maybe that he was beautiful, maybe that he dimpled as he smiled at me, even halfway to death as he was…maybe it was the innocence that shone out of his face and reminded me with a stab of heartbreak of my friend’s wee little baby that had haunted my own dreams for so long. Maybe it was just meant to be. Whatever it was, I sat back on my heels with a gasp, looking around wildly and knowing that I could not kill this man. The burn of the thirst was entirely subsumed by my sudden, irrational certainty that nothing mattered more than his survival. _Mine. He’s mine. He can’t die…oh please, please don’t die!_

He was so broken though! I tore off my shirt and tied it tightly around the worst of the gaping wounds on his body, desperately hoping it would be enough to hold him together long enough for me to carry him home to the one person I knew who might be able to heal him. I could do nothing about the shattered and crushed bones, and as I slid my arms carefully beneath him I breathed a quick apology because I knew that I was going to hurt him more before I could help him.

“Don’t die,” I implored him, and he blinked his sky blue eyes as he focussed on my golden ones. “Hold on…I’ll take you home. Carlisle will fix you.”

As carefully as I could I lifted him in my arms. He screamed as the broken pieces of his bones moved, I don’t think he could help it, and I winced in sympathy. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I muttered, gathering up his considerable bulk in my arms. “We’ll be home soon.”

My flight home was like no other journey I had ever had. I ran as fast as I’d ever run, trying to keep my pace smooth and even so as not to jar him and cause more pain than he was already suffering. Incredibly, the man remained conscious throughout most of the trip, staring at me with a look of hypnotised wonder. Occasionally he tried to speak, moving lips that had become as pale as the surrounding skin, but there was no sound. I listened to the beat of his heart, willing it not to falter, battling my growing feeling of terror that I was too late and we wouldn’t make it back to Carlisle in time. As we neared the house I felt him begin to slip away. His eyes became glassy and dull, and his body felt limper in my arms as his heart beat slowed and more of his blood oozed out of his wounds, soaking my clothes and leaving a trail behind us as it dripped.

“Don’t die on me now!” I said to him harshly, as his breathing began slowing. I hadn’t held him together this long just to lose him in sight of home! Impulsively I slapped his cheek, seeing the shock of it jerk him momentarily back into consciousness. “Don’t you dare die! We’re nearly home…just hold on!”

_Don’t die! Edward! I need help…get Carlisle…he can’t die!...he can’t!...fix him…Carlisle…so much blood, oh god I want it…too much blood Edward…don’t let him die…oh, please…help me!_

I couldn’t stop my almost incoherent mental screams, but they served a purpose in alerting Edward to the situation and the three of them were all waiting for me when I crashed through the door at home, carrying a man who was more dead than alive. Edward and Carlisle pushed the table beneath the lamp in an instant, and gently and tenderly I placed the broken body of the unconscious man on it so he could be attended to.

“Carlisle,” I whispered. “Please…” I didn’t finish. _Make him better. Put these pieces back together…please don’t let him die._

Carlisle worked quickly, looking him over with skilled professionalism, but both his years of experience and his vampire senses informed him in no uncertain terms that this man was dying. There was no medicine on earth that could possibly heal this kind of damage. He rocked back on his heels and looked at me helplessly. “Rosalie, there’s nothing I can do.”

_No._ It wasn’t possible…I could not have found him when I did only for it to be too late! No.

_“Fix him!”_ I screamed, almost beside myself with fear and rage. “He _can’t_ die! You’re a doctor…just _heal him!”_

Esme and Edward were against the wall, as far from the blood as they could get while still being able to watch what was happening. Esme’s eyes were black with thirst and she was wringing her hands in distress. Beside her Edward was frowning in concentration.

“There are no real thoughts,” he told me quietly. “Just images…Rosalie, he’s going.”

Carlisle reached out a hand towards me, his face taut with sympathy and pain. “I’m sorry Rosalie, but these injuries are so severe…I don’t have the ability to fix this.”

“NO!” Without thinking I crawled up on to the table, lifting the man’s head and shoulders in to my arms, cradling him protectively close, leaning over him and stroking his face. _Mine. Mine. Mine._ I didn’t understand anything of what was happening, didn’t understand where this desperate, blind determination and possessiveness had come from, and what’s more I didn’t even care either. All I knew was that I needed this man, he was mine, and I was determined to have him. I curled back my lips in a snarl and glared at Carlisle over the bloodied body between us. “If you can’t heal him, then you _change him! I want him! Make him one of us…CHANGE HIM!”_

The words fell like grenades into the quiet room, shocking us all into silence. Edward and Esme froze, and for the first time ever I saw Carlisle stumble. I knew he felt a constant and endless guilt over the change he had wrought in me, a change that I had not asked for and had resented fiercely. But what was done could not be undone and so here I was, a vampire. This was my life now, and I would have this nameless man in it no matter what it took. So I used the feeling of guilt and responsibility towards me that Carlisle was tormented by and I wielded it as a weapon to get what I wanted.

“You did this to me,” I hissed. “You made me what I am and I hate you for it! You took _everything_ I cared about from me and now _you owe me, Carlisle._ And I’m going to collect, right here, tonight, because _I want this man. He’s mine! You give him to me, NOW, or I will never, ever forgive you. CHANGE HIM!”_ My voice rose to a scream and, with a desperate glance at Esme and Edward, Carlisle groaned and bent over the body on the table. For better or worse he would do what I had demanded.

He bit him.

Again and again Carlisle sank his teeth into the flesh of the man in my arms. Into the gruesome, gaping wounds that would have released his spirit from the flesh if I had not brought him here and demanded that Carlisle tie him to the earth. Into the unmarked skin of his limbs, revealed as Carlisle tore the ragged trousers and tattered shirt and dirty boots off.

No, not unmarked, I thought frantically, as my vampire sight took in every inch of skin that was revealed to me. Not unmarked…rather he was marked all over with the story of his human life and as he lay, limp and unresponsive, I read the tale it showed me. Hard callouses on hands and feet, and broad shoulders and powerful muscles told a story of physical labour. Tanned skin, scratches and scabs and bruises on his legs, a raised pink scar that ran from his elbow down his forearm told of a man who lived a great deal in the outdoors and was active and maybe a little reckless and daring. Short, square dirty nails, curly hair clumsily cropped short, his boots that were laced with one shoelace and one length of twine, no watch or jewellery…this was not a man with money, or one concerned with vanity. Carlisle had left his underclothes on and I was ridiculously thankful, because I didn’t want to see that this was a man, a human man…

_Oh God, what have I done?_

Carlisle stepped back from the body, and I bit my lip as I saw how even his usually imperturbable calm was shaken. His face was blood smeared, spatters on his shirt and in his hair, and his hands that had held the body still as he worked on it were red with it clear to the elbows…he looked like the bloodthirsty demon of all my nightmares even as he looked at me with clear golden eyes shadowed with sorrow. “It’s done,” he said flatly, and as he turned away to take the damp towel Esme hurried to fetch for him I saw his lips move in a quiet prayer. “May God forgive me, but I’ve turned him.”

_Oh God, what have I done?_


	3. Transformation

The man had been lying as still as death, but the next moment his body seized as the pain of the transformation began. He screamed, a sound so deeply agonised it set my teeth on edge, and arched his back as his whole body stiffened. I could no longer hold him in my lap as he screamed again and thrashed from side to side, and I was forced to slip down from the table and stand beside it, watching helplessly as the beautiful body twisted in the burning torment I knew he was feeling.

Edward moved to stand on the other side of the table, hands braced to keep the man on it. My horrified eyes met his, and he shook his head.

“Three days,” he said quietly. “It will take him three days before the pain goes and he’s yours.”

_Mine._ Oh my God, what am I supposed to _do_ with him?

The man’s mouth was open in a silent scream and his hands tore at his own flesh, coming away red with blood. I winced and reached out for them, and he grabbed at me gratefully, his much larger hands engulfing my cold ones.

“I’m here,” I said softly. “I’m here…I won’t leave you.”

He kept hold of my hands for a long time, squeezing them as he shook and thrashed and trembled with the pain ravaging his body, pulling me closer to him as his body contorted from agony. He screamed at first, and seemed to hurt himself even more as his fingers tore helplessly at his own painful flesh and his body bucked and thrashed and slammed itself repeatedly against the hard surface of the table. I let him hold me, clutching my hands in his, bracing himself against my arms and shoulders as he writhed and bit his own lip nearly off in an effort to stifle his screaming.

_Oh God, what have I done?_

“Is this what it’s always like?” I said numbly to Carlisle later, as the man shuddered, his mouth open in an endless scream that came out as nothing more than a hoarse rasp, his voice long since gone after hours of excruciating howling. I touched his shoulder and he clawed madly at my hands, gripping them in his strong fingers as his heels drummed on the table and he dragged me relentlessly closer to him. I could feel the pounding beat of his heart.

Carlisle stepped closer to the table and examined the man, touching his pulse points with cool, steady hands. “Essentially it’s always like this,” he murmured. “You would remember what it feels like. People react differently, of course…he moves a great deal more than you or Edward or Esme did, although that will slow soon, and then stop as the venom works.” Carlisle stepped back and considered him. “You haven’t told us where you found him. Do you know anything about him?”

“I don’t know where I found him,” I said quietly. “I ran a long way, and it wasn’t somewhere I’d ever been before.” I extracted one of my hands and gently stroked the curve of his jaw, and for a moment his contracted muscles relaxed and he tilted his head towards my touch. “I smelled the blood and followed the scent to find him with the bear, and he was already in this state. He had a bag with him,” I added, remembering the knapsack with the dead birds. “But I didn’t think to look for anything that might identify him. I knew he didn’t have much time, and I just wanted to bring him here to you…” My voice trailed off as my stomach twisted in shame at the words I had screamed at Carlisle only hours ago.

“He’ll be able to tell us when he wakes up,” Carlisle said, his face looking calm and unruffled now, even in the face of the man’s obvious suffering. As we stood there he flung his head back with a rasping, keening moan, and I cringed away from him even as I gave him my hands. “If you would like to take a break someone else will sit with him,” Carlisle offered. “You don’t have to do this alone Rosalie.”

I shook my head before he’d even finished speaking. “No.”

I couldn’t leave him. Not when he screamed and suffered and fought against the pain so valiantly. Not when every time I took my hands away he immediately groped around for them and seemed to take even a little comfort from my touch. Not when the pain finally broke him and he curled into himself and sobbed, and in a voice so torn apart by grief and pain that it was barely human he begged us to let him die…I couldn’t leave him then. Instead, I gathered him up in my arms and held him close and kissed his hair and his closed eyes when there was no one else to see, and murmured words of comfort to him. Nonsense mostly, the same phrases over and over again, anything that might soothe him. “I’m here…it’s okay, you’re okay…it will be over soon. Wait for that, it will be better soon… _oh, I’m so, so sorry…”_

 For the briefest moment his lashes fluttered and his eyes flickered open and he looked at me. Despite the burn that I knew was still ravaging his body as the venom flowed through him, despite the agony he was still in, he opened his eyes and he looked at me and he tried to smile. His hand moved upward to touch my face and his mouthed a single word. _“Angel…”_

“Rosalie? Is he waking up?” Carlisle spoke sharply and moved over to my side, staring down at the man who was now lying motionless once again. “It’s only been two days.”

“No.” I leaned over him, and for a moment his eyes flickered opened and caught mine once again. “I don’t know…his eyes opened for a moment and he tried to touch me, but I can still feel his heart.” It beat on, fast and steady under my hand on his chest, and his beautiful mouth lifted into the sweetest smile I had ever seen.

_Oh, you’re so beautiful…why did I do this? What have I done to you?_ I almost wanted to scream myself as the reality of what was happening began to sink in. I had taken this man and I had demanded Carlisle change him…I hadn’t bitten him myself but it was my tyrannical insistence that had made Carlisle do it, and I couldn’t escape the fact that I was responsible. _I’ve changed him…I’ve made him what I am and I have done what I condemned Carlisle so bitterly for doing to me…_

_Please don’t hate me._

He didn’t move again after that. I stayed by his side, watching the transformation in fascination. So this is what it had been like, when it was me. I watched as his wounds closed and his skin smoothed out, all the little human blemishes and imperfections leaching out with the colour, leaving him alabaster pale. The broken arm straightened and rounded out and the injured leg healed itself, and then he lay still and unmoving, as glorious and perfect as a marble statue although beneath my hand on his chest his heart still beat, faster and faster.

“It won’t be long now.”

I looked up wearily, to see Edward standing in the doorway, his arms folded. “Can you hear him?” It was the first time I had ever asked Edward to read anyone’s mind for me.

He came closer, looking down thoughtfully. “It’s very disjointed, although he’s getting clearer all the time.” Edward’s lips twitched. “Mostly he’s thinking about you. He thinks you’re an angel.”

I snorted and then laughed out loud, on the brink of hysteria, as Edward added, “He thinks Carlisle is God. It’s going to be very interesting when he wakes up and we have to try and explain things to him.”

I became aware that Edward was looking at me, rather than the man on the table, and I scowled defensively. “What?”

He hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged. “You surprise me sometimes,” he said frankly. “This man…you haven’t stopped touching him since you brought him home.”

I looked down. I had one hand on his chest, waiting to feel the frantic, racing heartbeats finally stop, and one hand curved around his curly head, holding him close to me. For a moment I was uncomfortably aware that I was only wearing the pink camisole that had been under my shirt when I’d removed it to use as a makeshift bandage and the silk and lace did more to accentuate my breasts than cover them. “He’s hurting,” I said simply to Edward. “He needs me now.”

Edward pulled over a chair and sat on the opposite side of the table. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

Carlisle entered the room and came over to us, quickly assessing the man on the table. “Things are looking good. His heart, Rosalie?”

It was thundering under my hand. “Very fast. Erratic,” I said, as it stuttered and skipped a beat.

“He’ll wake up soon,” Carlisle said. “We need to wash off all that blood.”

“I’ll do it,” I said possessively.

Carlisle shook his head with a gentle smile. “No Rosalie, you need to go and clean yourself up. You’ve been with him for three days, and you can’t be near him in those clothes when he wakes up.”

I set my mouth stubbornly, but reluctantly realised Carlisle was right. My camisole was stained and my skirt was stiff with blood, and although it was dried and old and unappealing, it might be dangerous around a newborn. I trailed my fingers across his smooth, pale face one last time and then turned and left the room.

I felt strangely anxious being away from him, that nameless man whose life I had just caused to be so irrevocably changed. I didn’t want to take the time to run a bath like I normally would because that was more time that I would have to be away from him, so instead I took the fastest shower of my existence, scrubbing off every last vestige of blood and shampooing my hair. In my room I dressed hastily, and then as I was brushing my hair I heard the last stuttering beat of the man’s heart from downstairs and froze.

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

I slipped silently down the stairs and hesitated on the last step. I couldn’t see past Esme who was standing just inside the living room doorway, but I could hear an unfamiliar male voice, smooth and deep and with an accent that I couldn’t immediately place.

“My name is Carlisle Cullen. You’re here in my house, you’re quite safe. This is my son, Edward, and my wife, Esme.” Carlisle sounded calm and assured. “Can you tell us your name?”

“Is she here?” The man sounded agitated and I felt myself tensing in response. Who did he want? “Is she here? She was here…where did she go?”

Edward sounded a little impatient as he said, “He wants Rosalie.”

_He wants me._ Without even thinking about it I was moving towards the living room, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I stopped in the doorway, taut with uncertainty and looked at him. _Ohh…he’s so beautiful._

For a moment time felt suspended as his blood-red newborn eyes sought me out, and both of us stared. Then he started towards me and the spell was broken as Edward and Carlisle stepped protectively in front of me, their hands raised. “Just take is slow,” Carlisle said soothingly.

I watched him shake his head in confusion, looking past them to me. He was taller than both Carlisle and Edward, and appeared even bigger because of the breadth of his shoulders. He was wearing a pair of trousers that were so ill-fitting it would have made me blush if that were possible, and the muscles in his bare chest and arms flexed and relaxed under his skin as he moved. It was clear he had been strong as a human. I knew that I was now facing a vampire with questionable control over himself and formidable newborn strength, but I was not afraid.

“He’s not going to hurt me,” I said, meeting his eyes. “You won’t, will you?”

“No.” He didn’t look away from me.

“What’s your name?”

He swallowed hard. “Emmett McCarty, Miss.”

_Emmett._ I rolled the name around in my mind, feeling an unfamiliar warmth blossom inside as I looked at him. _Emmett._

“I’m Rosalie,” I said softly, and took another step closer. I saw his nostrils flare as he took in my scent and then his shoulders dropped a little and his mouth relaxed into a half-smile, showing a brief flash of dimples in his cheeks. For a moment I was aware of nothing else in the room but Emmett, and the way he looked at me as he breathed me in.

Behind me Edward cleared his throat, bringing me back to the task at hand. Somehow we had to explain to this man what it was we’d done to him. “You need to know some things Emmett,” I said steadily. “Carlisle can tell you, but you have to listen…can you do that?”

He nodded, but he didn’t take his gaze away from my face. I found myself unconsciously raising my hand to twist anxiously with my pendant as he stared at me so intently it was like a blind man just given sight. Which in a way it _was_ …I remembered the wonder of vampire sight when I first confronted the world after my change as I watched the awe in Emmett’s face as he stared at me. _Do you think I’m pretty? I want you to think I’m pretty._ I pushed the thought away as quickly as I could, hoping fiercely that Edward was too occupied listening to Emmett to hear my own vain preoccupations.

“Emmett,” Carlisle said, gently trying to attract his attention. “What do you remember about coming here? Do you remember Rosalie finding you in the forest?”

Emmett blinked and frowned, then paused for a moment as he watched his own fingers flex, his new vampire skin glimmering in the light. “There was a bear,” he said slowly. “I was hurt pretty bad, and then she…Rosalie…she was there and she saved me.”

Hearing him speak more than a brief phrase for the first time was something of a shock. He had a slow, drawling accent and I knew immediately, with a brief squirming feeling of shame at my snobbery, that this was not a man of education or class. At the same time I could not deny the flare of pleasure I felt when I heard him say my name.

Carlisle was watching Emmett carefully. “In a manner of speaking, yes, she saved you.” He glanced across at Edward, Esme and I. “I’m a doctor, Emmett. Rosalie brought you back here to me, hoping I could heal you. But your injuries were too extensive.”

Emmett’s lip curled and he shook his head dismissively. Beside me Edward chuckled lightly. “Just spit it out Carlisle,” he said. “He doesn’t need you to be gentle.”

Carlisle raised his eyebrows and said seriously, “I couldn’t heal you, but I could change you. We’re vampires Emmett, and over the past three days of burning, that’s what you’ve become. A vampire.”


	4. A Vampire Emmett

“A vampire.”

My body felt like ice as the word seemed to fly through the room. _Vampire._ I barely breathed as I waited for the horror, the disgust, the rage…

It didn’t come. True, Emmett stepped back from Carlisle, half raising his hands as if to ward him off, but his face registered only a wary confusion.

Edward laughed again, and I realised that he was listening to Emmett’s thoughts and finding them quite amusing. “You’re not in the asylum,” he said. “What Carlisle is saying is true. Your body has healed itself, and you’re unbreakable now- look at yourself! You can feel the evidence of your senses.”

Bewildered, Emmett looked down at his own body. I watched enraptured as he stretched his arms and tilted his head to look at himself with consideration and began to recognise the changes in himself. He rose up on his toes and made fists and then opened his hands, frowning down at his open palms and fingers, trying to understand. I took a sudden step backwards as I realised I was beginning to lean towards him. What was happening to me? Why was he affecting me this way? When had I ever looked at a man and felt this overwhelming desire to reach out and touch him? Emmett ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head in consternation and groaned in frustration.

“You’re probably very thirsty,” Carlisle said with calm sympathy. “We can go out and take care of that, but I have to tell you that my family do not feed from humans. We only drink animal blood.”

“Whatever.”

My heart ached as I watched the conflicting emotions play out across Emmett’s open, mobile face. Confusion over what was happening seemed to war with the pain of the thirst that I knew was burning in his throat.

Edward’s face crinkled with mirth and he laughed out loud. “Never mind, it probably wouldn’t help you much,” he said to Emmett.

I scowled at not being privy to whatever was so amusing. Emmett must have felt the same way, because his brows lowered and he growled at Edward.

Edward skipped backwards with his hands up. “I’m sorry!” he exclaimed. “It’s just…I’m a telepath. I can hear your thoughts. We’re not the vampires of fiction that you might know about. Living off animal blood for one, and you won’t burn up in the sunlight, or if you go into a church, or if you touch a cross or silver or garlic.”

Oh. Emmett was clearly thinking about every vampire story and myth he’d ever heard. I kept my face expressionless as he looked doubtfully at Edward and asked haltingly, “No coffins?”

Edward laughed comfortably. “No coffins. We don’t sleep. And no one can stake you to death.” He smiled at Emmett.

_Well, isn’t he kind…why hadn’t he been so nice to ME when I woke after the change?_

Emmett muttered under his breath, raking his hands through his hair and rocking in agitation. “Fucking hell…oh, sorry ma’am.” Abashed, he looked at Esme standing in the doorway, apology clear in his eyes. “Excuse my mouth.” He didn’t look at me.

Esme smiled at him gently. “It’s quite all right Emmett. I understand how overwhelming things must all seem right now.”

I remembered how overwhelming it all was when I first rose in my new vampire body. _Really,_ I thought to myself half in despair, _Emmett’s doing better than I did…I think I was probably screaming and throwing things at them by this point._

_Okay, that’s probably why Edward wasn’t quite so nice to me. So far Emmett hasn’t been calling him names and smashing things._

In contrast, Emmett was quiet for a moment, although he quivered with tightly contained energy and agitation and swallowed repeatedly. “Can I…I’m really thirsty.” He couldn’t seem to keep his focus on anything in particular, his gaze flicking rapidly around the room.

“Right,” Carlisle said briskly. “I’m sorry about the clothes Emmett- we didn’t have anything to fit you. Those trousers were the best we could do. Esme and Rosalie will go into town and buy something now, and Edward and I will take you out hunting.”

Emmett’s face fell, and he looked directly at me. “You’re not coming with me?” he asked plaintively.

Edward grinned at him in response to something unspoken. “Don’t underestimate Rosalie. She could hunt you under the table.”

I glared at him. The last three days had turned my world upside down, but I didn’t think anything would ever change my loathing of being forced to hunt like an animal in order to live. I couldn’t look at Emmett, even as I answered him. “No…Esme and I will go shopping.”

Esme was smiling at me cheerfully, but I could see the concern shadowing her eyes. “Come on sweetheart, let’s leave the boys to it.”

Suddenly desperate to get away from Emmett and away from the bewildering maelstrom of feelings he awoke in me, I breathed in sharply and almost fled from the room, heading out to the garage with Esme.

“I think that went very well!” Esme commented brightly as I drove us in to town. “He seemed to accept things quite calmly.”

I made a non-committal noise, focussing on the road.

“He’s very handsome,” Esme went on. I didn’t miss the sideways glance she sent my way. “Although he’s very…big.”

I had a sudden flash of what that big, masculine hard body had felt like in my arms and my whole body burned. _I want him._ I didn’t know what to do with this sudden overwhelming need for touch, and unconsciously tightened my grip on the wheel until I felt it begin to bend with the force of my hands. I made myself relax. “I suppose he is.” I tried to make my voice careless and almost disinterested.

“Rosalie…” Esme began tentatively.

I shook my head. “We’re nearly at the store. Did you write down his measurements?”

Esme sighed. “Yes, I did. We’ll need a complete wardrobe for him, even his boots weren’t worth saving. I do wonder what sort of life he has left behind. I would judge that he’s a little older than you and Edward.”

I parked the car and followed Esme into the department store, taking the stairs to the men’s department. A clerk saw me and rushed over, leaving the other salesman he was speaking with in mid-sentence. He looked at me with admiring eyes, his face red as I pulled up to my full height and looked down on him without the glimmer of a smile.

“C-C-can I help you, Miss?” he stuttered. “Ma’am?” He looked at Esme and seemed visibly relieved when she smiled at him pleasantly and he recognised her as a lady he’d served before.

“Yes thank you,” Esme said sweetly. “We need to completely outfit a gentleman acquaintance of ours, so we need quite a lot of things today.”

“Of course, this way,” the salesman said as he led us over to a rack of shirts. “We’ve just got these new styles in stock.”

Esme reached towards the browns and greens, the earth tones she favoured on both Carlisle and Edward, but without meaning to I found myself with my hand on her arm, stalling her. “Blue,” I said softly. “I think blue…” _Like his eyes._ I didn’t say that aloud, as I remembered with a sinking kind of dread that his eyes weren’t blue anymore.

If Esme was in any way amused by my sudden interest in men’s clothing she didn’t let on. Instead she merely said gravely, “Of course. Blue would be a lovely choice…which ones do you think, Rosalie?” and waited for me to make my selections. I chose rapidly – shirts and trousers, jackets, boots, socks, belts and boots. I was out of my depth with the underclothes and Esme, who always shopped for Carlisle and often for Edward too, made brief suggestions which I acquiesced to immediately.

At the choice of hats on offer I suddenly froze. “I don’t know,” I said to Esme, looking at her with hunted eyes. “I don’t know what he wears, or what he will like. I don’t know anything!” For some reason the hats, arrayed on their stands, seemed to mock me with how little I did know about this man – _Emmett –_ and I was struck all over again by the enormity of what I’d caused to be done to him. “I don’t know,” I whispered, and this time I wasn’t only just talking about hats.

Esme took my elbow with a surprisingly strong grip and pushed me past the hats and towards the counter. “It doesn’t matter,” she said reassuringly. “We don’t have to buy a hat now. He won’t…well, I don’t imagine he’ll be needing one in the near future. We’ll come back another day.”

I nodded silently. Of course Esme was being sensible. He wouldn’t need a hat- a thirsty newborn wouldn’t be going out in public until we were sure he could control himself. I wondered how long that would take. I hadn’t seen any other newborn besides myself, although Carlisle had talked about that state of vampirism with me. It hadn’t taken very long for me to gain control- my burn for revenge outweighed any burn from the thirst and I had never given in to temptation and killed a human for blood. I pushed the thought away and waited impatiently as the salesman wrote up the bill and packed up our purchases.

I was relieved that the house was empty when Esme and I returned. We carried the packages into the living room and then Esme fetched bleach and began to scrub the table, and I excused myself to go upstairs. Sitting down at my dressing table I brushed my hair, finding the familiar ritual of combing out the silky lengths and then styling it made me feel calmer and more like myself than I had since I came across Emmett bleeding in the forest. I brushed it all away from my face and caught it up with the pink and silver enamelled flower hair clips, then added diamond earrings and sat back, looking at my reflection intently. Perfect.

 _That’s you,_ I told myself fiercely. _Rosalie Lillian Hale. Whatever else you are, you’re still you. You’re beautiful and you’re in control, and no one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do ever again. Not Carlisle, not Esme, not Edward, and definitely not some hunter who didn’t even know enough not to get himself mauled up by a bear._

 _Does he think I’m pretty? Oh God, I hope he thinks I’m pretty._  

Rolling my eyes and feeling completely disgusted with myself, I walked cautiously back downstairs and joined Esme in the living room. She was tidying up and humming, but I could tell by her slightly jerky movements and frequent pauses to cock her head and listen for sounds that she was a little anxious.

“I’m just being silly,” she said with an embarrassed smile as she noticed me looking at her. “I’m sure Carlisle and Edward will be fine! They coped with you and I as newborns, I’m sure they will be able to manage Emmett.”

I didn’t point out that Emmett was considerably larger and stronger than either Esme or I, even as newborns. However he hadn’t seemed at all aggressive or angry, and as long as he didn’t smell human blood he would most likely be quite reasonable. Our house was very isolated and I knew Carlisle and Edward would have been careful to take him hunting away from the distant neighbours.

“They’ll be fine,” I said to Esme. “It’s his first time hunting. Well…I suppose it’s not, really,” I said thoughtfully, remembering that I had found him with two dead birds and a shotgun to hand. I wondered with a slight sense of unease what kind of man I had so inexplicably dragged into our lives.

“There now, I can hear them coming,” Esme said, pleased. “I’ll just throw this water away.”

I didn’t say anything to Esme but as soon as she left the room with the bucket of water I took the receipts from our shopping and disappeared into Carlisle’s study. I slipped the receipts into the accounts file (despite having more money than he could ever spend Carlisle maintained meticulous financial records) but I didn’t even bother to lie to myself that that was why I’d come in here. Really, I was just hiding.

I stood back where I couldn’t be seen but could still see out, and watched as Edward, Carlisle and Emmett appeared between the trees and walked into the yard. Emmett’s curly hair was wet and he walked with the powerful grace of some big animal, but his trousers…I clapped my hands across my mouth and took a hasty step backwards. They hadn’t fit to begin with and clearly they hadn’t been up to the task of containing him- he may as well have been naked for all they covered now. I couldn’t help but laugh silently behind my hands, and thank providence that I was in here and not out there. At least this way he’d be dressed by the time I had to face him and I could pretend I hadn’t seen all that.

I stayed in the study, listening as Esme gave Emmett his new clothes and he thanked her awkwardly. That accent! I leaned against the door, glad no one could see me as I followed the sound of Edward giving Emmett a brief tour of the house, holding my breath as he pointed out the study, relieved when he didn’t open the door. It was only after I’d heard two sets of feet climb the stairs and walk along the upstairs hallway to Edward’s room that I let myself out of the study, walking gracefully back into the living area carrying the latest catalogue, as if that was what I’d been looking for in the study all along.

Carlisle gave me an easy smile. “Hello Rosalie. You’ve brought us something rather special with Emmett, I think.”

I tossed my head carelessly and settled down beside the fire. “He’s got nothing to do with me.”

Carlisle and Esme exchanged pointed glances but I ignored them and began leafing calming through the catalogue.

“He’s rather charming actually,” Carlisle said to Esme after a moment. “Very natural and straightforward. I like him. He’s from Tennessee, the oldest son at home of a big family. From what he said he hasn’t been in regular employment, but he helps out at home by hunting and trapping.” Carlisle frowned in concern. “We must do something for his family Esme, regardless of what Emmett chooses to do from here. Reading between the lines the family lives in poverty, and the loss of a grown son will hit them hard.”

“Oh, of course,” Esme said sympathetically. “There are so many in need these days! We shall do what we can. Did Emmett say anything that might indicate his plans from now on?”

For a moment I stopped breathing. _No! He has to stay here- he can’t leave!_ But Carlisle shook his head and I swallowed hard and turned another page. “No, we didn’t discuss it. I’m sure he’ll have a lot of questions first, so we’ll have to wait and see. He seems remarkably accepting of this change though! But the hunting…” Carlisle chuckled reflectively. “I’ve never seen such a mess! By the time he was finished with his first feeding he had so much blood all over him that the boy looked like he did when Rosalie brought him home! But he seems very good natured and likeable so far.”

Carlisle stopped speaking as we heard footsteps on the stairs, the heavy tread indicative of Emmett rather than Edward. A moment later I raised my head in some alarm as there was a thud and a crash and an almost unintelligible string of curses…had he just fallen down the stairs?

Carlisle quivered briefly with silent laughter and looked at Esme with his eyes bright. “He’s adjusting to his new vampire body,” he said quietly. “He’s almost clumsy in some ways. It’s rather funny actually…”

I didn’t listen to Esme’s response as all my senses strained to catch what Emmett was doing. I heard him adjust his clothes and then his heavy footsteps came to the door. I caught a glimpse of him in the doorway, tall and broad and glorious, before the scent of him blew my way and the whole world seemed to blur at the edges. _Mine._ Itore my eyes away from him before they could betray me, but it took every ounce of my iron control not to fling myself across the room just to touch him.

_Emmett._


	5. Keeping Safe

Emmett hesitated in the doorway for a moment. I kept my head bent down, staring blindly at the catalogue in my hands and struggling to keep my breathing even. _He smells so good…_ I fought the sudden urge I had to bury my face in the curve of his neck and shoulder just to inhale his scent.

“Are the clothes suitable?” Esme asked him. “I hope you like them. I knew the sizes but I just had to guess at what colours and styles you might like.” There was an almost imperceptible pause before she added, “Rosalie chose most of them.”

 _Esme, what are you doing?_ Deliberately casual I turned to the next page of the catalogue and didn’t look up.

Emmett sat down in an armchair, and although I didn’t look up I could feel that he was staring at me again. “They’re fine ma’am. Thank you again.”

Well, at least he had manners.

_Not that it matters! He’s nobody! What do you care if he talks like a redneck and scratches himself in public and licks his knife?_

 “Oh, please call me Esme,” she laughed. “Not ma’am…far too formal for home!”

From the couch beside Esme, Carlisle gave Emmett an encouraging smile. “Now, I’m sure you must have lots of questions Emmett. I know what a big shock this all must have been for you.”

There was a brief silence and as I wondered what Emmett would say I tried to remember what questions I had asked when I was first learning about what I had become. My lip twitched. I had not so much had questions as exclamations- most of which were screamed at the top of my voice and had involved repeated use of the words _disgusting, vile, monster, hate this, hate you…_

“Well,” Emmett said at last. “I was kind of wondering about the fire. I mean, I’m not feeling the cold at all, and didn’t Edward say earlier that fire was about the only sure way to destroy a vampire?”

Carlisle chuckled. “It’s mainly for the atmosphere in the house, I must confess. It’s much homier to have a fire going even if we don’t need the warmth. And fire itself isn’t really dangerous- you could put your arm into a little fire like that and not even come out with a scorch mark. It’s the venom within your body that’s so highly flammable , so if we were to rip you to pieces and toss them in the fire, well then you’d burn.”

“Are there many of you? I mean, around the place? How come no one ever notices?” Emmett sounded baffled.

“There are more vampires around the world,” Carlisle answered. “More in some places than others, of course. The more heavily populated a place is the more attractive it is to vampires, most of whom don’t share our aversion to feeding on humans. We are a little unusual for vampires, because of living solely off animals blood and because we live a very human lifestyle and consider ourselves a family. Most vampires live fairly nomadic lives, for obvious reasons. Mated pairs are common, sometimes small groups called covens form and they last as long as they’re useful and the members get along. Apart from one coven, the Volturi, who live in Italy and enforce the rules, the groups are never large.”

 _The Volturi, who enforce the rules_ …my mind was filled with the purple smoke of a burning vampire and the sickly sweet smell of that final death, the monstrous beauty of those rich vaults and the red eyed vampires who dwelt there, and I couldn’t sit still for the revulsion. Abruptly I rose to my feet and tossed my catalogue on the side table, moving swiftly over to the bookcase against the far wall where I could stand with my back to the room and face hidden and take a moment to compose myself.

“How come people don’t know?” Emmett asked sceptically.

“Secrecy is the most important rule for vampires and it must always be at the forefront of your mind. For us this means blending in and acting as human as possible. Not doing anything that brings our abilities and true nature to light when humans are around, and hiding any evidence of mistakes,” Carlisle said plainly. “For other vampires it’s more about remaining hidden and keeping out of trouble. You know that people die in accidents and disappear quite frequently- you might be surprised at how often someone from this world is involved.”

“And you’re a doctor?” Emmett asked slowly.

“Yes. I work at the hospital in town. Edward is attending college, and Rosalie has begun taking some classes too.” Carlisle paused before going on thoughtfully. “What you do from here is up to you, Emmett. While we’d love to have you stay and become part of the family, you’re under no obligation to us. You’re welcome to make your own way, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

It felt like the floor was falling from under my feet, and without thinking I whipped my head around and my eyes locked with Emmett’s. _No! You can’t go…you have to stay! Please, please stay with me…_ I saw him smile, slow and soft, but it wasn’t until he spoke that I was able to tear my gaze away.

“I think I’d rather stay here for the time being, if that’s okay with you all.”

“That’s absolutely fine,” Esme said kindly.

I dropped my eyes from Emmett’s and looked down at the book I had randomly pulled from the shelf, and bit my lip hard to stop the smile I could feel breaking over my face. He was going to stay. Emmett – _mine, he’s mine, I want him_ – was going to stay.

There was a light tread on the stairs and then Edward entered the room, nodding a greeting. He went to the piano and, with preternatural speed, picked up the purse I’d carelessly left sitting on the top and pitched it at the back of my head. “I’ve asked you not to leave your things on the piano!”

Vampire reflexes made it a fairly pointless gesture, as I was able to effortlessly lift my hand and catch the purse before it could touch me. “There’s no need to throw a tantrum,” I said loftily, narrowing my eyes at him.

“The piano is not a table,” Edward grouched. “And it’s not like I haven’t asked you to keep your things off it before!” He glared at me resentfully as I placed my purse on the bookshelf with exaggerated care.

Rolling my eyes I took the book and dropped into the other armchair. Of course he’d told me not to put my things on the piano before. Edward was always telling me things…I could hardly keep track of all his complaints about me.

Emmett caught my eye. “Do you play?” he asked, indicating the piano.

Feeling uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny, my hand drifted up to tug on the heavy Cullen pendant I wore around my neck. “I _can_ play,” I responded quietly. “But not like Edward does.”

“Be careful Rosalie…that was almost a compliment,” Edward smirked at me, and I scowled and stuck my tongue out at him. _Shut up, idiot._

“Rose and Edward!” Esme said reprovingly. “That’s enough. Surely you can behave yourselves for one day! What will Emmett think of you?”

Feeling like a scolded child I sulkily turned my attention to my book, only half listening as Edward began fingering the piano keys.

“Do you play an instrument, Emmett?” Esme asked sociably.

“Nope. I like listening to it though,” he offered. “I spent most of my time outside- tracking and hunting and fishing, and helping out on the farm. I’m pretty good with horses, my grandad breeds them and I used to spend summers up at his place so I learned a lot from him.” He talked easily and seemed quite comfortable making conversation with Esme, although I couldn’t help wondering if he’d ever sat down in a parlour and talked with a lady before.

“You’ll have to keep away from horses now,” Carlisle told him seriously. “Animals are much more attuned to their instincts than humans, and they recognise us as predators. It’s better to stay away, especially from something big like a horse that can do a lot of damage if it’s spooked. Not to mention you may well want to feed on it, and it’s a bit harder to explain away a drained horse than some wild animal!”

“Oh.” From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett’s face fall a little. A moment later he began staring fixedly down at his feet and squirming a little, and just as I was wondering what he was doing Edward played a jarringly wrong note on the piano and Emmett’s face immediately took on the guilty look of a little boy caught with his hands in the cookie jar. “Sorry,” he muttered to Edward.

Edward raised his eyebrows at Emmett, whether in amusement or exasperation I wasn’t sure, and played on. “I think living with you is going to take some getting used to. His thoughts are very loud,” he said towards Carlisle and Esme and I.

“So, is that mind reading thing part of being a vampire or what?” Emmett asked with slightly forced casualness. I wondered what he’d been thinking about.

“Not exactly,” Carlisle answered him. “I’ve known several vampires with extra abilities, or gifts, but it’s not really common. There’s a theory that vampirism can…enhance human abilities, and that seems to be the case with Edward. He was an intuitive human, but it’s only since his change that he’s been a telepath.”

Emmett didn’t raise any more questions. He sat quietly at first, as night fell, listening to Edward’s music and letting his eyes roam around the room. Every time he looked at me, and he looked often, I felt like his stare was burning into my skin although I continued to read my book and affect to be unaware of him. As time went by he grew restless, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and fidgeting, and then I heard him make a low noise of unhappiness.

“Are you okay?” I hadn’t planned to talk to him, but there was something about his need that pulled me irresistibly to him. “Are you okay?”

I couldn’t look away from his face. The red eyes that I had thought looked nothing other than monstrous when I had seen them in my face were beautiful in him as he gazed at me with wonder. I watched his full lips move as he swallowed and went to speak, before he hesitated again and finally murmured, “I’m fine thank you, Miss Rosalie.”

 _Oh._ I felt an unaccountable stab of disappointment as he spoke to me so formally, and I bit my lip hard. Of course he _should_ speak to me in that fashion! Whatever else I might be he could surely see I was a well-bred young lady and he was…well. An unemployed, uneducated hunter from the backwoods? Why then did I long to hear him say my name as if it were a caress, or call me Angel the way he had when I carried him home? Why did suddenly nothing matter to me as much as what this beautiful vampire man was thinking of me?

The piano lid fell with a bang, and Edward was on his feet, running his hands through his hair distractedly. “Okay, that’s enough! You’re thirsty, right…let’s go out.”

Emmett looked away from me with reluctance and shook his head.

“Outside,” Edward said firmly. “Rose, are you coming?” he added in my direction. “We’re going hunting- I’m going to introduce Emmett to the joys of carnivores.”

Emmett turned pleading eyes to mine, but I looked away from him and rose from the chair in agitation. The very idea of it! Go hunting- with Emmett? Let him see me behaving like a monster, like an animal? _Never!_

“I can’t Edward,” I said aloud. “I’m sorry.” I risked a glance at Emmett, but the look of confused hurt on his face made me feel ridiculously guilty, which in turn made me irritated. I stalked over to the bookcase and replaced my book, standing with my back to the room until Edward and Emmett had gone.

I braced myself for what I knew was coming, and sure enough, a moment later Esme tentatively said my name.

I turned to face the two of them, folding my arms defensively across my chest. “Yes?”

Esme and Carlisle glanced at each other. “We’re not going to interfere with what’s going on between you and Emmett…” Carlisle began.

“There’s nothing _going on_ between Emmett and I,” I interrupted with a scowl, a statement that was so patently untrue that Esme actually let out an involuntary giggle and Carlisle briefly closed his eyes, as if pained by my intransigence.

“Come on Rosalie,” Esme said coaxingly. “You didn’t leave his side during his transformation, and now he’s woken up and the two of you can’t keep your eyes off…”

“Don’t!” I said sharply. “He’s nobody! He was dying, that’s all…he can do what he likes or go where he likes and I don’t care…” I pressed my lips tight together to stop myself talking.

“Well, he seems intent on staying with us for the immediate future,” Carlisle said calmly. “As I said Rosalie, no one is going to interfere. You’re a grown woman and you can make your own choices.” He looked at me kindly, and I felt a stab of shame at my behaviour. When he went on there was no animosity or accusation in his tone, but he spoke without apology. “However you brought him here and you begged me to change him, so you must bear some measure of responsibility for him. He needs to adjust to what he is now and we must all help him do that.”

I nodded sullenly. “I’ll try,” I said quietly. “But I won’t hunt with him.” I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I knew Carlisle was right, I knew that in the same way they had all cared for and taught me when I was newly born to vampire life we had to guide Emmett for his early days. Somehow I would have to settle myself down and stop this madness that seemed to be overtaking me every time he was near me…somehow I would have to find him a place that didn’t make me feel like I was baring my soul every time I looked at him. Somehow I had to learn to be near him and yet keep a safe distance. I had to keep myself safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Oh Rosalie…she’s such a snob. Keep in mind that she was raised in a very middle class home in a city, and Emmett’s from backwoods Tennessee- he’s like no one she’s ever dealt with before. At the moment she’s really caught between her inescapable feeling of attraction to him, and her snobbery towards anyone she thinks is somehow beneath her. Emmett’s really going to challenge this aspect of her personality over time and she’ll become a lot more open minded.  
> Thank you again for all the lovely messages! I love talking about my Rosalie and my writing, and I love that people are enjoying both!


	6. Meeting the Monster (1933)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next chapter goes back in time, to focus on human Rosalie. I wanted to look at her relationship with Royce as a kind of counterpoint to her relationship with Emmett and see how she dealt with that and how it affects how she is with Emmett.   
> I wanted to write about human Rosalie too, just to see how she might have been before all the trauma of her human death and vampire birth- so much of her bitterness and anger and issues stem from her change, I wanted to play with what she might have been like when she was just daddy’s little princess who always got everything she wanted!

“Girls! Rosalie! Wait for me!”

I paused, smiling across the sunny park as my friend Kitty came hurrying over the lush grass, one hand on her hat and the other hand swinging her purse.

“Hello darlings!” She linked her arm in mine and smiled brightly at Lacy and Anne. “I wasn’t sure if you’d all still be here.”

I glanced at my watch. “I shall have to go home soon. It’s the banker’s ball tonight…”

“I know! “ Kitty squealed. “I’ve just been at the seamstress’…can you believe she still hadn’t finished my dress this morning? I thought I was going to have to wear my sister’s old dress.” She sighed theatrically. “It’s all done now though, and it’s gorgeous!”

“You’re so lucky to have a new dress,” Lacy said enviously. “I DO have to wear my sister’s old dress. But then, at least I’m allowed to go, I didn’t think my mother was going to let me for a while.”

Anne remained silent. She wasn’t going to the ball, a fact that I’m sure rankled bitterly, especially since the rest of us were so excited and had been talking of little else all week.

“Have you decided what you’re wearing Rosalie?” Lacy asked me.

I shrugged carelessly, although inside I was secretly gleeful over the beautiful new party wardrobe Mother had had made for me. Fancy ball gowns, beautiful tea dresses and afternoon gowns…I was complacently conscious of how pretty it all made me look, and I was impatient to be able to dress up and show off. I was nearly eighteen and the whole adult world of parties and dances and socialising was opening up to me, and I was alight with anxious anticipation. The banker’s ball was going to be the biggest formal occasion I had attended, and I was determined that I was going to shine.

“I think the new pink silk,” I said. I squeezed Kitty’s arm. “It’s going to so much fun!” I squinted over the grass, to where I could see a young mother and a baby, sitting in the shade under a tree. “Oh look, it’s Vera and the baby. We should go and say hello, he’s the most adorable thing.”

Kitty gave me a sideways look. “Maybe another time.”

I rolled my eyes a little defensively. Vera had been at school with us since the infant grades and the five of us had been a tight-knit clique. I thought it would stay that way, but when Vera left school at and married a carpenter the others had drawn away from her. I knew we didn’t exactly move in the same social circles anymore, but I liked visiting Vera in her tiny house and found her company easy and relaxing. It was nice sometimes to be able to laugh and giggle and not worry about living up to the image of the poised and beautiful young lady I was trying to cultivate.

Then there was Vera’s baby. Little Henry, with his dimpled cheeks and beautiful chubby hands that reached out to me with innocent happiness, aroused such feelings of tenderness in me that I was half embarrassed by my own emotions. He was so beautiful! Watching Vera hold his tiny newborn body while her husband looked on with such pride had made me, for almost the first time in my life, feel jealous. I wanted what she had. I wanted a husband who would love me and take care of me and look after me like I was his most precious possession, and I wanted my own sweet babies to lavish love and kisses on and make us a family.

“It’s time I was going home anyway,” I said. “I’ll say hello to Vera on my way past.” I smiled at the other girls. “Kitty and Lacy, I’ll see you tonight! Anne…I’m sorry you won’t be there, but we’ll see you tomorrow back here in the park and we’ll tell you about it. Goodbye!” Waving, I tripped off across the park, heading towards where Vera sat on a blanket with her baby, the baby carriage parked behind her.

“Rosalie,” she greeted me warmly. “You look lovely today! How are you?”

“I’m good.” I bent my face towards Henry. “And how’s my little man?” I cooed. The baby smiled at me, plump cheeks dimpling and squeezing his eyes into little half moons and I laughed gently and gave him my finger, which he immediately caught up and moved awkwardly towards his mouth.

“He’s getting a tooth,” Vera warned me.

“Oh, I can feel it!” I looked up at her in wonder, feeling the hard tooth bud pressing into my finger where last week there had been only smooth gum. “Oh, he’s growing up!”

Vera smiled at him softly. “Oh yes he is, aren’t you my little sunshine? You’re going to be a big strong man like your daddy soon!” She looked back at me. “What have you been doing?”

“Getting ready for the banker’s ball,” I said carelessly. “It’s tonight, so I shall have to go home soon. Mother will be cross if I’m not there in plenty of time to get ready.” I took Henry from Vera and bounced him gently on my knees, loving the way he waved fat little fists in the air and laughed. “I just had to come and say hello to you first.”

“Perhaps you can come by during the week and tell me about the ball?” Vera suggested. “You’ll have to tell me about all your conquests- I’m sure you’ll be breaking hearts all over town!”

Both of us laughed, and I shook my head with a wicked grin. “I don’t want to break any hearts…I just want to find someone handsome and rich and charming and perfect!” I giggle. “I’m hardly asking for anything much at all.”

Vera hugged me, baby Henry caught between us. “I’m sure if anyone like that exists then _you_ will be the one to find him Rose! Now much as I’d love for you to stay and chat, you should probably be going home or your mother will be very unhappy with you, and that won’t be a good start to the evening.”

“No, it wouldn’t be.” I kissed the baby and then snuggled him close, blowing raspberries into the delicious folds in his neck to make him laugh, not even caring when his strong little hands wound in my hair and pulled it loose. I untangled my hair and pretended to munch on his little starfish hands before I handed him back to Vera. “Here you go. You’re right, I must go. Maybe tonight’s the night I’m going to meet my perfect man…I’ll be sure to tell you about it!”

With a bright laugh I jumped to my feet and hurried home, feeling anticipation fizzing in my belly. Maybe I would meet my own handsome prince at the ball? After all, I was seventeen and beautiful and ready…why shouldn’t I get what I wanted? I always had before.

Mother was in the sitting room when I reached home, and she called me in to her.

“You didn’t get too much sun out in the park?” she questioned, indicating the seat opposite her and pouring me a glass of lemon water.

“No, I’m fine,” I replied, drinking it gratefully. “Thank you.”

“Now Rosalie, I know you’re excited about tonight. But I want to make sure you’ll be on your best behaviour,” Mother said sternly. “There will be many important and influential people at the ball, and your father and I are very anxious that you make a good impression. You’re a young lady now, and the social connections you make now are going to be very important for your future.”

 _In other words, look pretty and find yourself a husband._ “I know all that Mother,” I said, a little impatiently. “When have I ever done anything to make you and Father unhappy?”

Mother smiled. “You haven’t. Your father and I are very proud of the way you’ve grown up Rosalie. He’s hoping to introduce you to some new business acquaintances tonight, and I just wanted to make sure you were prepared. Now run upstairs and take your bath, I want plenty of time to do your hair.”

I took my time in the bath, adding rose scented bath crystals and idly swirling my hands in the warm water as I lay back and relaxed. I wished my mother would stop making such a fuss- anyone would think I didn’t know how to behave the way she went on sometimes. She acted like I didn’t want the same thing that she and father wanted for me, which wasn’t true at all. They wanted to see me settled and married well, and I wanted that too. They had stronger feelings about what type of man I should marry than I did, but in the end our goals were the same and I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardise that.

“Rosalie! Hurry up!” Mother scolded from the door, and I scrambled out of the bath and dried myself off before scampering down to my room. She had laid out the new underwear that had been bought specially for the occasion, and I carefully rolled the stockings up my legs and fastened the garters to keep them smooth. It felt slightly scandalous not to wear a brassiere, my breasts having grown big enough that I’d been wearing one since I was thirteen, but the dress would have shown the straps. I slid it up, and then stood in front of the mirror examining my reflection with a growing sense of pleasure. Oh, I looked beautiful! The dress was a dusky rose pink silk with a deep vee neckline, slightly gathered over my breasts and with thin straps over my shoulders. Tight from just under the bust line it flowed out from under my hips, emphasising all my curves, while the colour made my skin glow.

“Lovely,” Mother said with satisfaction, coming in and standing behind me. She twitched at the skirt a little, and then reached down into the bodice to push my breasts into place, making my cleavage more obvious and pulling the straps tighter to hold everything where she wanted it.

“Mother!” I squirmed away from her, blushing furiously.

“Use what you’ve got, Rosalie,” she said practically. “God blessed you with this beauty and you need to make the most of it. Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you can be lazy and not make every effort to look your best. Now sit down and I’ll do your hair.”

“We should think about cutting it,” Mother said, brushing hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. “It’s lovely long, but it’s not very fashionable.”

“I like it,” I muttered, bracing myself as she began to style it. Mother was so heavy handed with my hair I’d be lucky not to end up bald. “I don’t want to cut it.” Cut my beautiful long hair? Was she crazy? If that’s what it took to find a husband I’d be a spinster for the rest of my life.

Mother arranged it in a low chignon, tucking a spray of flowers into the knot when she was done. It looked beautiful, she was a painful hairdresser but the finished results were always good, and she nodded in satisfaction as she fastened the string of pearls I’d been given for my sixteenth birthday around my neck. “You look lovely, Rosalie, just perfect. Now go downstairs and wait for your father and I.”

I was nearly finished my book by the time my parents were ready and came down the stairs. I jumped to my feet and smiled gaily. “Hello Father.”

“You look lovely, princess,” Father said holding out his arm and waiting for me to take it. “You’ll be the belle of the ball, I shouldn’t wonder.” I took his arm and smiled up at him, and he began leading me out to the car, Mother on his other arm. “Now, some of the people you’ll be introduced to tonight are very prominent and quite influential, so I want you to just look pretty and smile and be my sweet princess, hmmm? No arguing with people!”

He shook his finger at me with mock sternness, and I giggled and smile demurely. “Of course not, Father!”

The ball was being held at the town hall and was one of the biggest events on the yearly social calendar. This was the first year I’d been allowed to go and, even as I waited quietly and decorously for our turn to enter, inside I felt like I was dancing with impatient excitement. Everywhere I looked were people dressed up in their fanciest clothes, gorgeous gowns and sparkling jewels and handsome men everywhere. I knew my eyes were sparkling, and I felt a tiny little seed of self- satisfaction because I could tell that I was at least as pretty as any other girl there. 

Almost as soon as we were inside I was asked to dance, and I didn’t sit down again for a long time. I moved from one dance partner to another, feeling flushed with the exercise and quite heady with the number and extravagance of the compliments I received. Finally my mother caught me at the end of a dance and gently but firmly took my arm. “Rosalie dear, your father wants you.”

My father was in one of the smaller reception rooms, talking to two men. Mother pushed me towards them and I took a deep breath and walked over as gracefully as I could. Something in Mother’s tense face told me that whoever these people were, this meeting was what she and Father had been trying to prepare me for earlier.

Father gave me a broad smile as I approached and held out his hand. “There you are, Princess. Mr King, Royce, please allow me to introduce my daughter, Rosalie. Rosalie, this is Mr King and his son, Royce Junior.”

I knew about the King family. Everyone did. They were the wealthiest family in Rochester, and I knew that Royce King Senior was my father’s most important client at the bank. Money, position, power…no wonder my parents had been so anxious I make an impression.

I raised my eyes with a smile. Mr King was a tall, heavyset man with heavy brows and a fierce, square jawed face, but he smiled at me in a friendly enough way and nodded. I inclined my head towards him and then turned to his son, and my heart stuttered.

 _Oh._ He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Tall and lean he had dark hair and eyes, and the same strong jaw as his father in his clean shaven face. His eyes caught mine with an almost hypnotic intensity, and I felt myself breathing faster as he smiled at me.

“The pleasure is mine,” he murmured to my father, taking my hand and raising it to his mouth in an old fashioned gesture that set my heart hammering. “It’s lovely to meet you, Rosalie.”

Even through my gloves I could feel him pressing his lips against me. I prayed that he wouldn’t feel the slight tremble in my fingers at his daring. This was no silly boy that I could flirt with and wind around my finger with a smile and a flutter of eyelashes, oh no. Even just looking at him I could tell that this was a determined man who always knew exactly what he wanted and would not let anything get in the way of him taking it. And now he was looking at me, his eyes raking from the top of my head down across my body in a way that made me feel suddenly disturbingly, deliciously naked in front of him. I could feel a blush heating my chest and pinking up my cheeks, and I dipped my eyes in confusion.

“Lovely to meet you at last Rosalie,” Mr King said to me. “You’re as pretty as your father said you were! And how old are you now?”

“Rosalie’s a treasure,” Father said, rubbing my shoulder fondly. “She’s nearly eighteen now.”

“Quite the grown up lady,” Royce said with a laugh in his voice, his hand still curved around mine. His smouldering eyes met mine again. “Would you care to dance, Rosalie?”

 _Yes, please!_ Not trusting my voice, I nodded and let Royce lead me over to the dance floor, where he pulled me around to face him, one hand possessively on my lower back to hold me close to him. I could feel my pulse race. I’d been held like this all night by men dancing with me, but somehow this felt different.

“I’ve been noticing you all night,” Royce said to me in a low voice as we moved across the dance floor. “You’ve been dancing and I couldn’t help but watch you. You’re very beautiful.”

“Thank you. I’ve been having a wonderful evening,” I said breathlessly. I looked up at him, feeling almost dizzy with attraction and excitement. From the corner of my eyes I could see other people watching us, and I knew that together Royce and I made the most eye catching couple on the dance floor. My stomach curled with arrogant satisfaction, and I looked up at Royce with a flirtatious laugh. “Although…I think perhaps it did just become a little better.”

Royce’s eyes glimmered, and I felt his hand on my back slide lower, the pressure of his fingers grazing lightly over the beginning curve of my buttocks and coming to rest on my hip. Once again a blush heated my cheeks. Royce looked down at me and laughed too. “I’m glad to hear that Rosalie…because I have to say that my night seems to be improving too.” 


	7. I Wish I Could Dream

Edward and Emmett were gone for the rest of the night. I spent the hours of darkness closed in my room, trying to regain my equilibrium without Emmett’s disturbing presence there to upset me. Spending time combing my hair until it was silky smooth and perfect, building my model Tiger Moth with meticulous care, and then methodically looking through the latest mail order catalogue had me feeling almost like myself again by the time I heard their voices in the yard.

Only a single set of footsteps climbed the stairs though. Edward. I slipped out of my room, and stood with my back against the closed door watching him approach. “You’re back.”

“Emmett’s downstairs,” Edward said dryly.

“What do I care?”

“Rosalie,” Edward stopped and pressed his lips together, looking at me quizzically for a moment before he sighed and shook his head. “This is going to be a delight,” he muttered sarcastically. “You and Emmett…”

I scowled. “Well, excuse me!”

Edward gave me a disarming grin. “Come on Rosalie, don’t be difficult…Emmett seems rather fun. You should have seen him hunting, talk about a mess!” He shook his head with a laugh. “You should go and talk to him.”

I made a non-committal noise and turned away from Edward. I was too confused to want him reading anything out of my head then. Part of me _did_ want to talk to Emmett, just sit by his side and listen and learn everything about him I could. Part of me wanted to just tell him to go away and get out of my house and stop making me feel so confused. And then there was the part of me that I _really_ wanted to hide from Edward, that I could barely admit even to myself, the part of me that wanted to touch him and have him touch me… _no._

Taking the catalogue I went in search of Esme to show her what I’d chosen. I could hear sounds from the laundry so I pushed my way in there, holding out the catalogue.

“Esme, there you are. I’ve marked what I want…oh!” I stopped abruptly, because Esme wasn’t alone. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

Emmett was sitting on an upturned bucket wearing only some underpants and socks, with dried blood smeared across his chest and neck and half his hair matted into clumps with it. He raised his eyes to see me, looking a little surprised and a tiny bit foolish and I had to bite my lip to stop my laughter. Then his face broke into a smile and he winked at me, and I felt once again that unfamiliar warmth blossoming in my belly and spreading through my body.

“Oh Rose, I was just helping Emmett with his laundry,” Esme said briskly. “I’ll come and have a look with you now. Emmett, there are towels in the press, help yourself.” She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me firmly out of the laundry ahead of her, leaving Emmett to shower.

“He looked messy,” I couldn’t resist commenting as Esme and I sat down at the table in the living area.

Esme laughed. “I shall have to ask Edward what he does when he hunts! His brand new clothes are almost ruined- I’m going to have to do some mending.” She didn’t sound as if she minded. Esme derived great satisfaction from all the ordinary domesticity of our lives. She reached across for the catalogue. “Let me see what you’ve chosen. We’ll write a check and send the order off tomorrow.”

I heard Emmett finish showering and I felt myself tense as he came into the living area. I could smell him, his own entrancing scent overlaid with that of soap, and it took all my self control to keep my breathing steady. I forced myself to look unconcerned as Esme called him over to the table.

“Do you like these shirts, Emmett?” Esme asked, pointing to a page in the catalogue. “They’re lovely quality.”

“I don’t need anything else ma’am…Esme,” Emmett said, with a note of anxiety in his voice. “You’ve given me too much already, I’ll try and take more care…”

“Please don’t worry about that,” Esme said gently. “I can mend it. Don’t fret about the money Emmett, truly it’s not an issue…we’re the reason you’re here, and we’ll take care of you.”

“Thank you, but…” Emmett raised his hands helplessly.

I looked fixedly down at the page in front of me. I found Emmett’s pride interesting, considering how little he had come from. As a newborn it had never occurred to me that Carlisle and Esme _wouldn’t_ provide for me and take care of me in the way that I had always been taken care of, and I had taken everything they’d given and demanded more. I felt a slight flush of shame, and was briefly glad that Emmett had not seen me in those days.

“Emmett,” Carlisle entered the room and smiled at us all, his hand tenderly caressing the back of Esme’s neck. “Hello my love, hello Rosalie. I was thinking, Emmett, that we might take you out and see how you react to the scent of humans. You’ll understand that we can’t risk any accidents- we’ll come with you and stop you by force if it’s necessary?”

Emmett frowned but nodded readily. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Edward has expressed doubts that he’ll be able to stop you alone,” Carlisle told him. “If you wouldn’t mind coming out into the yard we can see how strong you are and devise a plan for keeping everyone safe while we experiment with your tolerance to human scent.”

Emmett shrugged and grinned. “Hey, I don’t mind a wrestle. Bring it on!”

He bounded from the room, almost making the house shudder as he thumped across the porch. Esme winced, and Carlisle smiled at her in amusement. “We’re probably better off keeping him outside!” he said, following Emmett out. Edward came down the stairs and went after them and, unable to resist my curiosity, I wandered out onto the porch and sat on the step, Esme beside me.

I couldn’t help laughing. Carlisle and Edward stood shoulder to shoulder a few feet from Emmett, and then with a bull roar Emmett charged at them and they both went flying. It didn’t matter what they did, Emmett was able to push them out of the way apparently effortlessly. I smirked with an unkind satisfaction to see the usually superior Edward, with his hair on end and dirt on his face, being tossed onto his rear in the dust.

“Fuck me, this is awesome!” Emmett laughed, picking Edward bodily up and tossing him in the air. I laughed aloud as Edward kicked bad temperedly at Emmett’s head and glared at me, half furious and half laughing. Emmett let him land and leap away and looked across at me, his eyes sparkling.

“You won’t always be this strong,” Carlisle told Emmett, shaking his head and smoothing down his clothes. “Vampires are always strongest in their first year or so after the change. But even for a newborn you’ve got more power than anything I’ve seen. It will be interesting to see how you end up.” He glanced across at Esme and I. “I think we’ll need both you ladies to accompany us when we take him out- between the four of us we might manage to avoid trouble.”

I didn’t want to go out with them. The idea of exposing Emmett to the insanity-inducing temptation of human blood and possibly having to watch him fall horrified me. But I knew that if he was going to fall it would take all of us to stop him, so I braided my hair and set my chin resolutely and followed Carlisle and Esme out into the forest.

It was a beautiful afternoon in the forest. There was a light breeze and the filtered sunlight coming through the leaves bathed everything in a beautiful green and gold light, without being strong enough to cause vampire skin to reflect in the way I abhorred. I was aware of Emmett’s every move as he walked, and I could tell how intensely he was feeling all the sensory input that was still so new to him as a vampire. His eyes jumped from one thing to another, occasionally becoming so transfixed on something that he’d forget to walk, scenting things and touching with unself-conscious absorption. Finally he seemed to become a little more accustomed to it and began walking steadily beside me, adjusting his long strides to match mine.

“We’re getting close. Just be ready Emmett.” Ahead of me, Carlisle dropped Esme’s hand and walked backwards, his calm face focussed on Emmett.

My nostrils flared and I smelled it, the delicious, tormenting scent of human blood. It was only faint, the human still some distance away, but it was enough. Beside me Emmett flung his head up, his whole body suddenly taut, and his eyes darkened to black with his thirst. I heard the predatory growl, low and deep from his chest.

“Emmett, steady on,” Carlisle said anxiously as Emmett began to move past him, quick and intent.

Edward stepped forward and put a calming hand on Emmett’s arm, but he was lost in his own desire and hit back at Edward with careless strength. Edward swore, and Esme cried out, “Oh, Emmett…be careful!”

Emmett didn’t stop though, not for Edward, not for Esme, not even when Carlisle shouted at him. It wasn’t until I said his name that he slowed down. Just enough that I could move close enough to stand beside him and reach out my hand, although I didn’t touch him. But his eyes met mine, and for a moment there was nothing but the two of us and that time he did stop as I said his name. “ _Emmett.”_

“Rosalie, be careful,” Carlisle said from behind me.

I shook my head. _Why does Carlisle think Emmett’s going to hurt me? Can’t he see whatever this thing is between us? How can he doubt?_ Maybe everything else about Emmett had me drowning in a sea of uncertainty and fear, but the one thing I knew I could cling to as a lifebelt was the knowledge that he would never, ever hurt me. “It’s fine,” I said, not looking away from him. “It’s fine, right Emmett?”

It wasn’t exactly fine for Emmett. His face was twisted with pain, and his hands were unconsciously fisting and releasing as he fought against it. “I want it,” he muttered. “I can smell it…sweet Jesus, I want it!”

The wind picked up and I could smell the scent intensify, but I barely noticed as I watched Emmett rake his hands through his hair, pulling hard and then pressing his big hands on either side of his skull and squeezing as he moaned. “I can’t…fuck, fuck, fuck….” He moaned again and stumbled, going down onto his knees, breathing in harsh, ragged gasps.

 _Oh, my Emmett, mine…I’m sorry!_ I couldn’t think of anything but how much he was suffering, and how deeply I was feeling his pain as my own. Barely aware of Esme and Carlisle and Edward crowded close around I went down on my knees beside him and bent my head towards his. I saw the way he gulped in air as my braid fell close to his face, and I knew he was using the scent of my hair to bring him back to himself.

“I can’t.” His eyes met mine, and I saw the agonised combination of desire and shame. “I can’t…I want it too much.”

“You can,” I said, and something in my tone made him laugh, although I heard the edge of hysteria in it and knew he wasn’t fully in control yet. “You’re doing it now, Emmett. Feel the thirst…it’s burning, I know that, but you’re fine. You’re here, you’re resisting.”

Emmett moaned again, but he breathed in hard and I could see him taking in my words and trying to steady himself. His hand groped across the forest floor until he found mine and the next minute he was holding it, gripping it tight, making every nerve in my hand flare at the contact of skin against skin. I hated being touched, I hated anything that could be construed as restraint…but despite that I found myself curling my fingers around his and holding on as tightly as he was.

“That’s good Emmett,” Carlisle said, his tone encouraging. “You’re doing fine.”

Emmett grunted disbelievingly, closed his eyes and breathed steadily. A few moments later he rose to his feet, opening his eyes and looking much calmer. “I’m good.”

He didn’t let go of my hand. I didn’t even know if I wanted him to. Walking through the forest beside him, unconsciously matching pace as I was kept close with his fingers laced through mine…I almost forgot what we were doing out there as his scent swirled around me and the feel of his touch burned into me.

Carlisle led us to the edge of the forest. Across a field there were two men working on a fence, and the smell of them blew across to us, clear and undiluted. It wasn’t difficult for the rest of us but for Emmett, with all his newborn thirst and impulsiveness, it was brutal. His grip on my hand was almost painful and after only a few moments he started rocking up on his toes, his breath coming in keening whimpers of pure torture as he fought the desire. Finally he shook his head and snatched his hand out of mine as he turned for home.

“Fuck this…I’m done.”

He ran, vanishing into the trees in an instant and leaving silence behind him. I flexed my hand, feeling unaccountably empty at the loss of his strong grip, and looked across at Carlisle.

“Well, that went reasonably well,” Carlisle said cheerfully. “I’m sure it was difficult for him…”

“Very difficult,” Edward contributed. He rubbed his head a little wearily. “It’s not going to be easy for him. He did well today- he ran home instead of running over to them! – but I was listening to his thoughts and there were some moments that were very close. We’re going to have to be very careful with him.”

“We can do that,” Carlisle said confidently, taking Esme’s hand and beginning the long walk home. “A little more each day and he will adjust.”

Emmett was sitting on the porch steps when we reached home, leaning against the railings and looking despondent. He hunched his shoulders and looked up as we approached.

“That was fine, Emmett,” Carlisle said reassuringly. “It’s difficult, we know, but for a first time you did fine. Really…you should be happy with that.”

“But I wanted it so much,” Emmett muttered. “If you hadn’t been there…”

“It gets easier, truly it does,” Esme said earnestly. “You’ll know what to expect next time and you’ll be more prepared for it, which makes a big difference.”

Edward grinned. “You didn’t kill them,” he said frankly. “And any contact that results in humans being left alive has to be counted as a success at this point.”

Emmett shrugged and sighed, clearly unconvinced. Carlisle and Esme and Edward went inside, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him so sat cautiously on the other end of the step. I didn’t look at him, but I didn’t have to- sitting beside him, with my arms wrapped around my knees as I stared out at the forest, I was acutely aware of every sound and movement he made.

“Thank you for stopping me out there,” he said at last, his voice quiet.

“You did it yourself. I couldn’t have stopped you if you’d really made up your mind to go after it.”

I could feel him looking at me again, his eyes scanning me from head to toe to take in every detail. I had never had anyone look at me like that, like I was a mirage in the desert to a thirsty man, and I bowed my head for a moment.

“Do you ever wish you could sleep?” he said at last, his voice low, a note of hopelessness in it that I’d not heard from him before.

Sleep? Be able to close my eyes and forget everything? Be able to _dream_? Be able to wake up from a nightmare, instead of that nightmare being my reality? I looked up at him, and the lost sadness on his face and what it made me think of nearly broke me.

“Every single day,” I said, my voice only a whisper of pain. “I wish for it every single day.”

Terrified I’d said too much, that he had already touched me so deeply I would never be able to pull away I rose to my feet and walked away from him, but as I moved past him I couldn’t resist the urge and I let my fingers brush gently across the silky curls on top of his head.

_I wish I could dream of you._


	8. We Are What We Are

Emmett remained outside alone for a while, and when he came back inside his natural good humour seemed to have been restored. He came whistling into the living room and over to the table where Edward and I were both sitting. He cheerfully cuffed Edward on the back of the head as he sat down, completely underestimating his own strength and slamming Edward face first into the table.

“Oh shit! Sorry,” he exclaimed, looking appalled.

Edward sat up straight, looking vaguely stunned, and I couldn’t stop a sudden snort of laughter. “Emmett…” Edward began, and then just shook his head.

“What are you doing?” Emmett picked up Edward’s book and then made a face and put it down again.

“Studying,” Edward said, after his raised eyebrows at me failed to prompt me to talk. “I’m reading philosophy at college, and Rosalie’s reading history.”

Emmett shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His glance darted to my pages of neatly written notes and then away, and he ran a hand through his curly hair looking awkward. I knew just from listening to him talk that he was not as educated as the rest of us were, but seeing his obvious discomfort at the heavy books I wondered suddenly if he could read at all.

Edward shot me a look. “If you want something to read Emmett, you’re welcome to look in my room or the study,” he said pointedly. “I’m sure Rosalie will let you in her room to look in there if you would prefer.”

Emmett shrugged unenthusiastically and rose from the table. “Thanks. I’m not a big reader though. My brother Patrick is, he stayed on at school and went into the Seminary, but I left school when I was fourteen.” He looked at Edward almost defiantly, as if daring him to judge him. “I’m not stupid. I could have stayed on, but I was more use earning money and helping out at home than being shut up in the schoolroom.” His eyes flickered to me, to see my reaction I presumed, but I had my face lowered and my hair falling across it to shield my expression.

Truthfully, I _wasn’t_ judging Emmett. I was simply trying to imagine his world, which seemed vastly different to the one I had grown up in. I guessed he and I were roughly the same age- that is, he looked a little older than I did, but of course I had was frozen at forever eighteen and would now always be older than I appeared- but our experiences had apparently been very different. In my world everyone went to school and leaving at fourteen would have been unthinkable.

“Education has very little to do with intelligence,” Edward murmured. “And in a few years you’ll be able to control yourself around humans enough to get all the education you could possibly want, if you choose that.” He looked a little ruefully at his philosophy notes. “I took my final high school exams as a human, but since Carlisle changed me this will be my third college experience.”

 Emmett wandered around the room, whistling tunelessly as he examined the furnishings and various objects. I watched him scan the bookshelf, glance out the window, run his hands over the piano keys, pick up an ornament and then replace it on the sideboard. A tell tale noise caught my attention- once again Emmett had misjudged his strength and the delicate ornament had cracked under the pressure of his hand.

“Oh fuck it all,” he muttered, glancing across at us guiltily. “Shit, sorry…my mouth, everything…was this something important? I didn’t mean it…shouldn’t have picked it up…” He shoved his hands into his pockets and shifted anxiously from foot to foot.

“It doesn’t matter,” Edward said calmly, interrupting Emmett’s babbling. He kicked me under the table, but I steadfastly ignored them both as I wrote on. Edward flashed me an irritated glance and then closed his books and stood up. “It’s nothing important, just a knick-knack. We could do with a few less of them about the place. Look, would you like to do something? Do you play chess?”

“I don’t know how,” Emmett muttered gloomily.

“Would you like to learn? I can teach you,” Edward offered. “It’s a good game.”

 _Yes, one that you can cheat your way to winning every single time,_ I thought acerbically. I could tell from the way his lips tightened that Edward heard me, but he didn’t respond.

“Sure,” Emmett said agreeably. “I’ll try it if you’ll teach me.” He followed Edward over to the chess board and sat down, the chair creaking ominously beneath his weight and I hoped that he would become accustomed to his increased strength and speed and weight before he destroyed half the house.

As they settled in to their game, Edward explaining the rules of chess in clear, concise terms as he demonstrated the pieces, I went and collected the broken ornament. _Just a knick-knack, Edward? It’s only an antique Dresden porcelain ballerina!_ Shaking my head I went to dispose of it before returning to my studying.

Emmett caught on to the rules of chess quite quickly. I was a little surprised at how quickly, and then felt ashamed of my snobbery. Just because he hadn’t been to school and college like Edward and Carlisle and I didn’t mean he wasn’t intelligent! Abruptly I stood up and irritably packed my books away, fed up with my own thoughts.

Carlisle and Esme came into the room as the chess game was finishing amidst much laughter. Esme took out her knitting and sat on the sofa to work at it, while Carlisle sat in the armchair with a newspaper.

“We’ve been thinking about your family Emmett,” he said casually, as the boys were packing away the chess pieces. “We understand that they relied on your help great deal and it will be harder for them now that you’re gone, and we feel rather responsible. We’d like to do something to help them.”

Emmett raked his hands through his hair. I remembered the way the soft curls had felt on my fingers and I itched to touch them again. He was frowning. “I don’t know…what were you thinking?”

“Money,” Carlisle said honestly. “Enough money to buy the freehold on the property and take care of them for a long time, so that the younger children can stay in school and get an education if they wish, and the girls can marry or not as they would prefer. I know it won’t make up for missing you, or you missing them, but at least you will know they’re taken care of.”

Emmett nodded slowly. I could see the dilemma on his face, pride warring with an obvious love for his family, but in the end he shrugged helplessly. “Thank you,” he said, his voice low, his hands awkwardly combing through his hair again. “I promise I’ll pay you back, somehow, one day. We haven’t ever taken charity, but…” he bit his lip and shrugged again. “The little ones…I can’t see them missing out and going hungry and if I’m not there to bring in some extra they will.”

“Of course you must let us help,” Esme said firmly. “Please don’t give it another thought Emmett, we’d be grateful if you’ll allow us to help.”

“You’ll have to tell us the best way to manage it,” Carlisle said. “Where does your father bank?”

“He doesn’t,” Emmett said casually. “They just keep the money at home in Grandma’s old gravy boat.”

“Well, that’s probably even easier then,” Carlisle said with a smile. “If you give us directions Emmett, then Edward and I can take some cash and that will be untraceable.”

“I’ll come and show you,” Emmett said eagerly, but then his shoulders slumped and he looked suddenly bereft. “I can’t though…I’d kill them all, wouldn’t I?”

Sitting on the sofa beside Esme, I curled my hands into fists, my fingernails digging in to my palms. _I’m sorry I did this to you! I’m sorry I made you into this!_ Seeing the distress on his face as he realised how complete this break with his human life had to be made pain and guilt lance my heart. _I’m so sorry that in saving you I had to hurt you._

Was this what it had been like for Carlisle, with me? I couldn’t help but wince as I remembered my rage, and the way I had hurled all my anger and hurt and blame right at Carlisle in harsh and unforgiving words. How much had I hurt him, when he thought he had done the right thing, the _only_ thing possible, in saving me?

Edward touched Emmett reassuringly on the shoulder. “Carlisle and I will take care of it. We’ll let you know how they are.” He glanced across at Carlisle, who nodded.

“I know how to get to Gatlinburg, we just need directions to find your family’s home,” Carlisle said, bringing out a map from the study. “If you could show us, Edward and I will sort it out.”

The house seemed much quieter once Edward and Carlisle had left. Emmett moved restlessly through the house, eventually flinging himself down in an armchair with the newspaper. As soon as I thought he was engrossed I couldn’t stop my eyes drifting up from my book to look at him. He was so beautiful, everything about him drew me in…but at the same time it felt as though we were a million miles apart and I didn’t know how to breach that gap. My fingers twitched as I remembered the feel of him beneath my hands and in my arms as he underwent his change… _how can I have held you and kissed you and loved you so fiercely, and now I can’t even look at you? How can I want something so badly, and yet be so afraid of that very same thing?_

As if sensing my gaze Emmett raised his head and looked at me. There was such openness and vulnerability in his face as he gazed at me softly that for once I didn’t look away immediately. Just looked at the vampire red that his blue eyes had become and felt all my fear and doubt coalesce into an overwhelming feeling of grief for what I had done to him. _I’m sorry._ I lowered my eyes and stared unseeingly at my book.

Esme felt the tension in the room, and put down the sweater she was piecing together and smiled at Emmett brightly.

“How are you feeling, Emmett? Do you have anything worrying you?”

He grinned at her. “Nah, I’m good. It’s just kind of weird, you know…finding out that there’s this whole world out there that I didn’t know anything about. Vampires and…well, whatever else.” He shifted in his chair and swallowed, before he burst out a little anxiously. “And it gets better? This thirst? I’m not always going to feel like…like I want to rip my throat out, or bolt and start massacring whole villages?”

Esme laughed gently. “It will get better. We’ll practice with you each day and build up your tolerance to the scent. It is difficult Emmett, I remember those first weeks well, but control is possible.” She looked at his pained face thoughtfully and went on, “But would you like to go out hunting now? I wouldn’t mind having something myself, and I confess I’m curious to see quite what you do that resulted in such a mess!”

Emmett grinned, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. “I’d like to go out,” he said honestly. “I’m bad thirsty.”

“We will then,” Esme said cheerfully, bundling her knitting up and piling it on her sewing box.

Emmett rose to his feet and hesitated for a minute, bouncing up on his toes. “Will you come, Miss…Rosalie?”

_I love the way my name sounds on your lips._

“No,” I shook my head even before he’d finished speaking. “I’m fine, thank you.” I didn’t even look at him for the disappointment I knew I’d see in his face. I couldn’t do it, and I refused to even think about trying.

Esme and Emmett returned a few hours later. I was playing the piano, which was something I enjoyed but only did ever when Edward was away. I was self-conscious of my modest skills compared to Edward’s virtuoso talent, and disliked giving him evidence of yet another area in which he would outperform me. I paused in my playing to listen to Emmett and Esme coming across the yard, hearing Esme’s animated voice and Emmett’s exuberant laugh and feeling my stomach twist with jealousy. Why was it so easy for everyone else except _me_? The last few bars of the piece were played with a kind of stormy anger before I slammed the piano lid down.

When we heard Carlisle and Edward returning, Esme and Emmett and I met them out on the porch.

“Are they okay?” Emmett asked anxiously. “Did you see them? What do they think…” He dragged a hand through his hair before he finished quietly, “Do you know what they think happened to me?”

Carlisle and Edward glanced at each other. “We saw them,” Edward said after a pause. “We took the money to the house and your mother and the children were there. They’re all well.”

“We went to the hotel in town afterwards,” Carlisle went on. “We bought some drinks…we talked with your father a little.”

“Pa?” Emmett’s voice was hoarse and his face was curiously blank. “You saw my Pa?”

I gripped my skirt in tight fists to stop myself reaching out to comfort him as Carlisle smiled at him kindly. “He looks like you.” He looked at Edward who nodded slightly. “We talked with him a little. He talked about you…when you didn’t come home they went looking. They found your pack and the shotgun and the blood. The body of the bear too…” Carlisle paused and smiled at me briefly. “They think you were killed by an animal and your body taken. They’re devastated, but at least it’s some form of closure for them. They’ll grieve, but it’s easier to move on when they believe they know what happened to you. I’m sorry, Emmett, but we thought you’d like to know.”

“I…yeah…thank you,” Emmett sat down on the step, looking dazed. “It’s…this is so fucked up, you know?” he suddenly burst out, shaking his head in furious bewilderment. “That they all think I’m _dead_ , and I’m…I don’t even know! What the fuck am I? Dead or alive?”

_Caught in the shadows Emmett, like we all are…not dead and not quite living either._

“We are what we are,” Carlisle said simply. “And all we can do is live the best way we are able to and make this life, whatever it is, mean something.”

 


	9. A Perfect Life? (1933)

I slept late the morning after the Banker’s Ball. Mother abhorred laziness and would usually hound me out of bed at the usual time no matter what we’d been doing the night before, but for once she relaxed her usual standard and let me rest. It was mid-morning before I was up and dressed and skipping downstairs. The doorbell rang as I reached the front hall, so I opened it to a man carrying a bunch of flowers.

“Miss Rosalie Hale?” he asked.

“Yes, that’s me,” I said, and he handed me the bunch of flowers with a wink.

“For you then. Looks like you’ve got an admirer!”

I take the flowers, a delighted smile breaking over my face. A dozen long stemmed red roses…oh! “Thank you!” I said breathlessly, and turned to go back into the house.

“Rosalie, who was at the door?” Mother called in to the hall.

I carried the flowers into the sitting room, where Mother was seated at her writing table. “Look!” I took the card and read it, feeling my cheeks warm and my belly tighten with pleasure. “They’re for me, from Royce.”

Mother took the card from my hands and read it quickly. “ _Miss Rosalie, thank you for a most enjoyable evening. Royce.”_ She looked at me, her eyes glittering. “You made quite an impression on him it seems. Well done.”

“He’s so handsome,” I said. “He was lovely to me…”

Mother hugged me. “That’s my girl. All I want is a good chance for you, Rosalie, and this could be it. The Kings are an important family, and Royce is young and handsome and charming…well. But we’ll just wait and see what happens.”

What happened was that the flowers came every day. Always roses, like my name, blooming in their bright hues all over the house and infusing the air with their sweet, heavy scent. I moved through the days with a secret smile on my face and a flutter in my heart, waiting for something to happen, believing with all the arrogant, foolish confidence of a beautiful seventeen year old that it would. And then on Friday the flowers were delivered with a note, and I read it and had to hold back my shriek of delight. _Rosalie, With your parents’ permission I will call for you tonight at 7. Royce._

“Please Mother,” I begged. “Please let me go.”

“Of course you may go,” Mother answered, nearly as excited as I was. She helped me dress and once again did my hair, and by the time Royce arrived and was in the sitting room talking to Father I was ready.

“Sit down and calm yourself for a minute,” Mother said sharply, taking in the flushed brilliance of my cheeks and pushing me down firmly on to the dressing table stool.

“But he’s here!” I protested.

“And he’ll wait for you,” Mother countered. “You mustn’t appear too available and eager!” She bit her lip and hesitated as she looked at me. “He’s older than you are…remember who you are, Rosalie, and be a good girl.”

I didn’t even know what she meant, but I nodded my head and took some deep breaths, looking at my reflection in the mirror to steady myself. The navy blue dress with the low scoop neck and lace sleeves had a tight waist and a flared skirt that fell to just below my knees and was both pretty and pleasingly sophisticated, and I was wearing my favourite strapped shoes. Mother had kept my hair loose, smooth across the top and falling in a wave of sleek golden curls down my back. She had lent me her onyx pendant and matching earrings, and I knew I looked pretty. I took another breath and picked up my small purse. “I’m ready now,” I said serenely, and Mother nodded her approval as she followed my elegant descent down the stairs.

Royce took me to dinner that night, and then to one of the new, fashionable clubs that had only just become legal with the repeal of Prohibition. I didn’t know that my parents would entirely approve, but I had a glorious time. Royce was a charming date and a fabulous dance partner, and I couldn’t help but flush with pride when he introduced me to his friends and I saw their approval.

“I’m so glad you came out with me tonight,” Royce said as he drove me home afterwards.

“Thank you,” I said, half shyly. It felt very quiet and intimate with the two of us in the car after the noise of the club. “I had a lovely time.”

Royce pulled the car up in front of my house and I saw the curtains in the sitting room twitch as someone looked out. I looked back at Royce, and found him looking at me intently, his eyes dark. “I’d like to see you again, Rosalie.”

Breathlessly I nodded, trying to appear composed. “I’d like that too.” I glanced back at the house. “I think my parents are waiting up for me.”

“Of course,” Royce slid out of the car and I waited for him to come around and open the door for me. He took my arm to walk me to the front door, and I felt a delightful shiver as his warm fingers brushed across my bare arm. At the door he turned me to face him and I felt my breath coming faster as lowered his face and brushed his lips across mine.

“Goodnight Rosalie,” he murmured.

“Goodnight Royce,” I breathed. I stopped for a minute, my back against the door and smiled at him tremulously. I couldn’t believe that he had taken me out for such a wonderful night, and had kissed me and now he wanted to see me again! For a moment my heart stuttered as he leaned forward and kissed me again, and then I heard footsteps coming to the front door behind me and I reluctantly turned and went inside.

It was the start of a whirlwind romance, and I was completely caught up in the heady exhilaration of it. Royce was handsome and clever and charming, and he made no secret of the fact that he found me beautiful and desirable. He took me out to dinner and he took me dancing, he took me to the theatre and to the cinema and out walking in the park. He liked to show me off, and I was flattered at the attention from him and from his older friends. My vanity was fed by the envious looks of the other men when they saw Royce holding my arm possessively in his, and by the jealousy of the other girls when they saw that he had eyes for no one but me.

My rapidly approaching eighteenth birthday also occupied a great deal of my time and attention. After much discussion it was decided that my parents would host a cocktail party, and I found much of my days spent working on decorations and shopping for a new dress. My friends Kitty and Lacy and Anne were very excited about my party and were more than happy to help.

“This party is going to be wonderful,” Kitty said dreamily, leaning back in the lawn chair and drawing up her knees.

From my perch at the top of the ladder, struggling to hang the strings of paper lanterns that were supposed to decorate the garden, I looked down at her balefully. “If we ever get the decorations finished it _might_ be wonderful,” I snapped.

Anne hurried over to hep wrangle the lanterns, but Kitty merely smiled at me lazily. “Oh, you’re better at that than I am Rosalie…I’m too short to reach.”

I rolled my eyes, but nothing could really dampen my buoyant mood. It was my birthday, I was eighteen, my parents had given me the most delightful sapphire pendant and earring set over breakfast that morning, I was having a party in the evening and Royce had hinted that his present for me was going to be something very special…I couldn’t stop my own self-satisfied smirk.

Finally the lanterns were hung and the potted rose bushes were arranged, and the four of us collapsed into the lawn chairs to rest and gossip before we would all go and dress for the party.

“Do you know what Royce is giving you for your birthday?” Lacy asked enviously.

I shook my head with a small smile. “No…but he said it was something very special.”

Kitty’s eyes gleamed. “Do you think he’s going to ask…”

“Hush!” I didn’t want her to jinx what I had already begun dreaming of. It was so soon…but Royce wasn’t a man to play games and everyone said we looked so well together and it would be such a good match… “I don’t know. It’s far too soon to think about it,” I added, but my sparkling eyes told another story.

“Oh, it’s going to be fabulous!” Kitty squealed. “Just think Rosie, you’re going to marry the richest and most eligible bachelor in the city. Then you’ll live over in that big house and have parties and entertainment all the time and you can invite us and introduce us to all his friends!”

I laughed gleefully. “Nothing has been said yet! You mustn’t talk of it.” But I had fallen hard for Royce, and nothing in the world seemed as desirable as becoming his wife, and just the idea of it was enough to send my thoughts floating away on a sea of beautiful, romantic daydreams.

I was ready early for the party, wearing my new blue cocktail dress, the sapphires sparkling at my throat and ears, my hair looped up in heavy coils on my head with soft curls loose around my face. I was surprised to hear the doorbell half an hour before the party was due to start, and even more surprised that Mother called out to me to answer it, but I gave a last shine to my shoes and slipped down the stairs.

“Royce!” I exclaimed as I opened the door. “You’re early! Not that it’s not lovely to see you,” I added hastily, stepping back and holding the door wider. “Come in.”

Royce stepped through the door and took me gently in his arms, kissing my cheek. “Happy birthday, Rosalie.”

I smiled at him flirtatiously. “Thank you.” I let my hand rest briefly on the front lapel of his suit jacket. “You look very handsome,” I said teasingly.

Royce grinned at me cockily. “If I’m going to have the birthday girl on my arm for the evening I have to look good.” His eyes dropped down to my dress, and he traced a finger down the deep vee of the halterneck dress, coming to rest in between my breasts. I could hardly breathe. “Especially when the birthday girl is looking this pretty,” he said huskily.

For a long moment he simply stared down at me, before he laughed a little breathlessly and dropped his hand. “I came early because I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “Let’s go in the sitting room.”

I let him take my elbow and lead me towards the sitting room. One of the waiters hired for the evening to make and hand round the cocktails came forward with a tray, but Royce waved him away irritably. “Not now.”

My heart was pounding. He wanted to talk to me…anticipation curled in my stomach. I took a deep breath and sat decorously down on the sofa that Royce pushed me towards, looking up at him through lowered lashes. He loomed above me for a moment and then sat beside me, his thigh pressed against mine.

 “I have something for you.” Royce reached into his jacket pocket and fished out a small present wrapped in silver paper and tied with a bow. He watched me take it, a smile lighting up his eyes as I thanked him. “You don’t know what it is yet- open it.”

I tore off the paper and then slowed, my hands trembling as I saw the jewellery box in held. Oh…and there it was. A ring, the slender white gold filigreed band topped with an enormous round brilliant cut diamond. “Royce…” I breathed.

Royce dropped to one knee in front of me and met my eyes unsmilingly. “It’s an engagement ring. I want you for my wife…will you marry me, Rosalie?”

My heart thudded almost painfully, but there was no doubt in my mind- wasn’t this what I’d always wanted, after all? “Yes Royce,” I whispered. “I will…”

“Good.” Royce took the jewellery box from my hands and took out the beautiful ring and slid it on to my finger.

For a moment I was transfixed by the sight of it, the sparkling diamond on my finger and my hands looking so small and slender in Royce’s big ones. I looked at him with a heartfelt smile. “It’s beautiful.”

Royce’s grin was triumphant as he rose to his feet. “Of course it’s beautiful. The best that money can buy for my beautiful wife…I’m only interested in the best, Rosalie.”

He drew me to my feet and kissed me with a fierce possessiveness he’d never shown before, holding me so tight against him that it felt like I could feel every inch of his masculine body against mine, despite all the layers of clothes between us. I pulled back and for a moment it seemed like he wouldn’t let me go, but then his arms relaxed around me and he was holding my face, smiling down at me as I gasped.

“My innocent little Rose,” he murmured. “My lovely wife…look at you tremble.” He tilted his head to the side and considered me for a moment, and then lowered his head to gently press a chaste kiss on to my forehead.

 I could feel my body quivering, and I forced myself to stand up straight and steady. _Stop being such a silly child!_ I rested my hand on Royce’s arm and looked at him coyly. “You’ll have to speak to Father.”

“Already done, darling,” Royce said cheerfully, patting my hand. “I spoke to him last week and he gave his blessing. Talked it over with my parents too and the old man couldn’t be more pleased. They’ll be along later tonight. Ah,” he looked up at the door and grinned widely as Father and Mother entered. “Just in time…Mr and Mrs Hale, your daughter has made me a happy man tonight by accepting my proposal of marriage.”

Royce and my father shook hands, as Mother came over and hugged me before taking my hand to examine the ring. “It’s lovely…Rosalie my darling, I’m so happy for you. This is wonderful news! Royce, congratulations.”

Father came and hugged me too, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “Just look at you, Princess,” he said, beaming at me. “Engaged! Congratulations, I’m sure you’re going to be very happy and he’s going to take good care of you. Let me just go and get champagne…we’re celebrating more than just your birthday now Princess!”

I smiled and laughed and hung off Royce’s arm as we drank a toast and then began greeting my guests as they arrived. The night became a blur of congratulations and kisses and showing off my ring and drinking pink cocktails…I was dizzy with the triumph of it, for hadn’t I just ensured that my life was going to be some kind of dream? Royce was handsome and charming and he wanted me…married to him I would be wealthy and important and taken care of. I would be a princess in a castle, with my handsome husband and beautiful babies, and then my whole life would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Ugh. I hate Royce, knowing what’s coming up…I felt so gross writing this chapter and making him out to be a reasonable human being when I know he’s really a psychopath! However he has to have been quite smooth and charming to have swept Rosalie off her feet the way he did, naïve girl as she was.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this bit of backstory of Rosalie- interesting to compare her romance with Royce to the slow build of her romance with beautiful Emmett, which I shall keep writing about in the next chapter.


	10. Fighting Nature

Emmett’s arrival had turned my world upside down, but it was like he filled a hole in our household that we had never known was there. He was brand new but somehow made it seem like he had always been part of us. His exuberance and enthusiasm was in stark contrast to the more reserved natures of the rest of us, and his laughter and cheer and unabashed friendliness broke through the others’ defences effortlessly. He particularly charmed Esme and she became his stout defender in all things, no matter what it was his carelessness destroyed or how bad his language was. Edward relaxed more than I’d ever known him to, and let go of some of his moroseness as he played like a boy with Emmett, clearly enjoying his novel new companion.

I watched them. Stared with such fierceness and longing that the image of Emmett was etched on my mind and even when I was away all I had to do was think his name to see him, dimples and full lipped smile, eyes crinkled in amusement. I watched him make himself at home and listened to him laugh, and inside I fought a war between desire and fear.

_I want you. I’m afraid of you._

_I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of what I feel for you._

I was aware of him all the time. The house seemed full of his presence, full of his noise and laughter and joyous acceptance of what he was, but I couldn’t talk to him and I found myself clinging tight to my aloof, perfect mask to stop myself from being swept away in this wave of feeling that threatened to engulf me. I battled between wanting to stay away and wanting to follow him around like a puppy dog if I could only breathe in the smell of him.

I didn’t know what he thought about me. He looked often – he was always staring – but despite being so easy with everyone else when it came to me he would become tongue tied and shy, and stumble over his words in a way that made the distance between us seem insurmountable. I wondered bleakly how long we could go on like this, but saw no way to change it.

We took him out each day to increase his tolerance to the scent of humans. It was difficult. He struggled with the temptation of the blood, and having never seen a newborn other than myself I found watching his torment of thirst and denial excruciating. Carlisle reassured me that it had been like this with Edward and Esme in the beginning as well, and I took a little comfort in that. Edward told me that Emmett wouldn’t ask me to accompany them but that he found it easier to bear if I were with them, and so each day I walked silently by his side and watched him do battle with himself and wondered if that would be the day I would see him fall.

In the end it happened when I wasn’t there, something I was secretly passionately grateful for. I had been at class, and after Esme had finished her soup kitchen volunteering she picked me up and drove us home. As soon as we opened the car doors we could smell the scent of human blood, faint but unmistakeable as it hung in the air, even before we saw the patches of dark, wet dirt where the blood had soaked into the dust of the driveway.

Carlisle came down the steps to meet us, his face grave. “It was Emmett,” he said quietly, in answer to our unspoken questions. “It was a traveller, probably coming to our door looking for work or food…it was done before Edward or I could even think of stopping him.”

Esme’s hand covered her mouth for a moment. “Oh dear,” she murmured. “What a terrible thing…the poor man! And Emmett- how did he react?”

I could hear the hesitation in her voice and I knew intuitively that she was afraid that Emmett would turn. She was afraid that by tasting human blood he would no longer want to go to the lengths required to abstain, and that we would lose him.

“He was very upset,” Carlisle said gently. “He actually purely on impulse, and once he realised what he had done he was distraught. It was an accident, that’s all…now we just need to make him see that.”

“Of course we will!” Esme said determinedly. “Goodness knows I understand being in his position, I made so many mistakes early on.” Her eyes met Carlisle’s and they exchanged a private look so full of tenderness I had to turn my head away. “It was only your encouragement that kept me going. If I didn’t have you…” she whispered, and I took to my heels and bolted for my room.

I lay on my bed for a long time, staring up at the faint spiderweb of cracks in the cream painted ceiling. I heard Emmett and Esme talking on the porch, and I listened to the sounds of the house and forest around me, trying to lose myself in the minutiae so that I didn’t have to think.

Some time later there was a knock on my door. I knew it was Edward, and I briefly considered not letting him but he must have heard my thoughts because pushed the door open and entered the room anyway.

“Sorry,” he said, “I want to talk to you.”

Too wearied by my own tangled, intense emotions to even bother arguing I simply shrugged. _Do whatever you want._

Edward sat on the edge of my bed, looking down at his hands as I scrambled to sit up, leaning against the wall in the opposite corner to him. _Well? Get it over with._

He flashed me an irritated look, although I could see by the tense set of his shoulders that he was trying to control himself and not snap back. “Please Rose,” he said tersely. “I’m not here to upset you.”

_What is it then?_

“It’s Emmett,” Edward said simply. “He needs you.”

I was already shaking my head. “I can’t.”

“You CAN,” Edward said, his voice low and forceful. “Rosalie, I know Carlisle doesn’t think we should interfere with you and Emmett…and I know that Esme wants to do nothing BUT interfere!...but I am in the unique position of hearing your thoughts and hearing his and…”

“Don’t do that!” I hissed furiously. “I hate you in my head Edward, you know that!”

“I know!” Edward flung up his hands in exasperation. “I know that! But I can’t help it and Rosalie, what you’re afraid of…”

I wanted to rip him into pieces. “I’m not _afraid!_ ” I snarled. “Not of anything!”

“Oh sure!” Edward scoffed, beginning to lose his cool. “That’s why you’re hiding up in your room now, and why you won’t even _talk_ to Emmett! Because you’re not afraid of anything…”

I lunged at him, but he was across the room before I could touch him. “I’m sorry,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’m sorry that you’re both so damn stubborn!”

He took a deep breath and pounded his fists against his thigh. “This isn’t at all what I meant to say when I came in here,” he said, and his voice was resigned. “I also don’t suppose you’ll listen to a thing I say now! But I’ll say it anyway…he needs you Rosalie, and you need him. I have listened to his mind and he is exactly what he seems. There is no hidden darkness, not in Emmett.”

Edward’s stare was penetrating and I froze under his knowing gaze, hating him for seeing so much and at the same time fighting the wild, burgeoning hope his words had raised in me.

“I know you Rosalie,” he said, and his voice was so quiet and sad that I had to strain to hear it. “I know you hate me for it, and I pretend not to see, but _I know you_. And this does not have to be so difficult for you…he is a good man.” Edward gave me a smile of such heartbreaking kindness that I had to turn my head away. “That’s all I wanted to say to you,” he finished, and a moment later I heard the soft click of the door latch.

 _No hidden darkness…I know you Rosalie._ I sat silently, staring at the forest beyond my window and feeling the familiar pain gnaw at my insides again. Edward was right, of course…I _was_ afraid. I was afraid of Emmett leaving, and afraid of Emmett staying and I wanted him with every fibre of my being and I hated myself for letting myself feel like this. Because need meant vulnerability, and vulnerability meant hurt. It had been such a painful process to build these walls around my heart, surely I couldn’t break them down now, and the idea of smashing them myself was unthinkable…

_But if he needs me…_

I was down the stairs before I could think any more. I heard Carlisle say my name and I paused on the bottom step, looking at him and Esme as they frowned at me. I wished I could explain how I felt…but how could I explain what I didn’t even understand?

“You should go and talk to Emmett,” Carlisle said gently.

“I doubt I’ll be able to say anything that you haven’t,” I muttered.

“I don’t care, Rosalie,” Esme said sternly. “We’ve said we’re not interfering with whatever is going between the two of you and we’re not. But you get yourself outside right now and say something to that boy to make him feel better about himself. It’s the least you’d do for any other member of the family, and he’s one of us now too. Now scoot.”

Scowling behind me at her irritated scolding I stamped outside on to the porch, where Emmett was slumped in the porch swing, brooding. For a minute I wanted to kick him for disturbing the life I was just beginning to accept, but then I reminded myself that he hadn’t asked to be brought here…it was my fault and I had to deal with it. So I took a deep breath and relaxed my face and then asked tentatively, “Do you mind if I sit down?’

Wordlessly Emmett waved his hand at the empty swing cushion, and I carefully sat beside him. He leaned towards me and for a moment I held my breath, but then he jerked himself upright and, half disappointed, I leaned back in the swing and pushed off with my foot to make it rock.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know they made you come out here.  You don’t have to pretend like what I did doesn’t matter.” His voice was rough with pent up emotion, and all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and make him feel better. But I couldn’t – _I can’t, I’m sorry!_ – bring myself to touch him right then.

“It doesn’t matter that much,” I said thoughtfully. “Well, it probably matters to the man you killed! But it doesn’t matter that much to me. You’re a vampire- you did what we’re supposed to do. We try not to do it, but we’re fighting nature every day and sometime we’re going to lose.”

“Edward says you’ve never done it,” he muttered. “You’ve never fed off anyone.”

I glanced at him sharply, but his eyes were wide and innocent. _You don’t know. I’ve never killed for blood Emmett, but I have killed…I’ve done much worse than you did today. Done worse than you’ll ever do, because Edward is right that you’re a good man, despite everything._

“I tasted _you_ , you know.” The words slipped out without thought, and for a moment my whole body burned as I remembered the taste of him in the forest and the feel of his blood slicked skin under my lips and tongue.

“What?” Emmett sounded shocked.

“When I found you and the bear,” I went on slowly, my hands twisting together in my lap. _Why am I telling you this?_ “There was so much blood, everywhere. I knew you were dying. I was going to…make it happen quicker, but I didn’t. But when I leaned over you, I tasted some.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, partly so I didn’t see his reaction, partly to remember that beautiful, ravaged human I had so inexplicably wanted. Wanted enough that I had tasted the nectar of his blood, just one tiny taste that had it forever burned into my senses as the most delicious taste ever, and yet I had resisted the lure of it for the much greater lure of seeing him live. Even if it was like this, I thought bleakly, even when living is really dying, and all we can do is make the motions of life here in the shadow world.

“I’m glad you found me.”

I looked up and saw in his face all the emotion I had ever felt coming from him. Love, devotion, wonder…maybe Edward was right, and there was no hidden darkness within him. I reached out my hand and my fingers curved around his knuckles. For a moment there was nothing but that touch, everything in my mind and body and heart focussed into the wonder of what it felt like to touch him.

“I didn’t want you to die.”

I looked into his eyes and felt the world around me open up. Emmett and I at the centre of the universe, and all the possibilities that offered…I snatched my hand away and stood up, but I didn’t look away.

“It will get easier,” I tell him simply. “It does. And you can’t let it tear you apart, because there’s nothing to be gained by that. You have to accept what you’ve done and go on in spite of it.” I turned and walked away, but when I got to the door I paused for a moment with my hand on the frame and looked back at him. Emmett, with his dark hair and dimples and the red eyes of a killer…and I smiled at him gently. “You should come inside now.”

He rose to his feet and followed me.


	11. Reaching Out

Things were different, after that. Emmett and I still didn’t exactly _talk_ , but we looked at each other often, and for once someone looking at me didn’t bring up my defences. It was just the _way_ he looked at me…with nothing but a kind of innocent wonder, as if just having me there in front of him was something extraordinary. There was no calculation in his looking, no ulterior motives or avaricious desires.

Not that there was no desire at all. Oh no. Emmett wanted me, there was no doubt about that. Men had been looking at me with desire since I was twelve years old and I knew enough to recognise it when I saw it. But despite Emmett’s overt masculinity, somehow when I caught him looking at me with the dark eyes of desire it never felt threatening. There was nothing predatory in his open face and gentle smile, and although I sometimes still felt taut with nerves around him, I couldn’t say I was frightened.

I went from avoiding him to finding reasons to be near him. I liked to listen to him talk, which he did at great length to everyone but me. I was fascinated by his complete unselfconsciousness with Edward, and the way he always seemed to just blurt out every thought in his head without worrying about what everyone else would think of him. His openness and willingness to lay himself on the line touched me, even as I couldn’t bring myself to respond in kind. Each day he asked me to come out hunting with him, and each day I shook my head no and watched his face fall slightly before he would shrug philosophically and grin at me before he headed off.

I was lying on the sofa reading one afternoon, listening to Emmett and Edward play chess at the table behind me. As always Edward won, but as I heard Emmett knock over his king with a muttered curse, I couldn’t resist getting involved. Kneeling up I rested my elbows on the back of the sofa and my chin in my hands.

“He cheats, you know.”

Emmett swung around to face me, looking shocked to hear me address him directly. I smiled at him impishly. “You’ll never beat him.” Edward glared at me and my smile widened. “You know you do, Edward. You’re just reading his moves out of his head and maybe you can’t help it but that’s cheating.”

Emmett looked at Edward, and I saw realisation dawn on his face. “Asshole,” he said, and I couldn’t tell if his tone was more annoyance or admiration. We all knew already that Emmett had a healthy respect for artful dishonesty during games…in other words he was a shameless cheat if he thought he could away with it!

Edward shrugged and stood up, making a face at me. “You play with him then, if my cheating offends you so much.” He grinned down at Emmett. “For the record, I would have beaten you all those times even without cheating. You’ve got no idea about the art of a well played chess game.”

 _Oh, could you BE any more pretentious?_ I thought scathingly in Edward’s direction as I took his place at the chess board and faced Emmett. “Games of chance,” I said to him. “They’re the best things to play with Edward. Nothing involving strategy and never, ever play cards with him.”

I was white, so I took the opening move. Emmett grinned, obviously recognising it as one of Edward’s favourite moves. “Did he teach you too?”

I watched his move carefully, mentally running through strategy. “Sort of,” I answered, a little distractedly. “My father taught me to play when I was younger, so I knew the basic rules. But I never played much until I was with the Cullens, and Edward taught me most of the strategy I know. Not that any of it is any use against _him_ of course!”

Emmett looked at me shrewdly. “You don’t consider yourself a Cullen?”

I was surprised at his perception, and it took me a minute to answer. DID I consider myself a Cullen? My hand drifted up and touched the Cullen pendant I had been given and wore as a sign of my allegiance to this family, even as I struggled to find my place within it. “It’s complicated,” I said finally to Emmett, and he nodded.

He played quietly and seriously and I was impressed with how well he had absorbed Edward’s lessons, but he wasn’t as good as I was and I won without much difficulty. When the game was finished all I wanted was to keep him by my side, but I couldn’t find the words and, with a reluctant smile, I walked away and went to my room.

Irritated with myself I threw myself onto the floor beside the blanket that held all the pieces for my newest model plane and began to build. I listened to Emmett saunter up the stairs and along the hall to Edward’s room, and then what sounded like children squabbling as the two of them argued about something. A moment later I heard Edward’s door slam, and then a tentative knock at mine.

“You in there?”

 _Emmett?_   “Yes.”

Emmett stepped into my room and closed the door behind him, leaning against it for a moment as he looked around my room with interest. “Do you mind if I come in?” he asked, a little late.

I shook my head. “No. That’s okay.” Emmett, here in my space…my belly fluttered with nerves.

Emmett awkwardly folded up his long legs and sat down on the floor beside my blanket, peering curiously at my model. “You’re making this?”

“Yes. I like to make things,” I pointed a little shyly at the others models I’d made, the planes hanging suspended on threads from the ceiling and the matchstick models on top of the bookcase, and Emmett smiled. Trying to hide how flustered I was at having him so close I bent back over my model, carefully fitting the intricate design together.

“Couldn’t you do this at vampire speed and have it finished in an hour?” Emmett asked me a moment later.

I smiled. “I could if I wanted to. But half the point of doing it is just to fill in time…besides, I’m still kind of new at this vampire thing and Carlisle says it’s good practise to do things at human speed, even when you don’t have to. That way it becomes second nature and you don’t have to think about it when it does matter.” I couldn’t help my sigh.

Emmett watched me a little longer, and then his eyes began to roam around my room. I moved my hands more slowly as I looked to see what caught his eye. He looked at my bed and then looked away fast, and I bit my lip against the sudden rush of feeling. He tilted his head and began reading the titles of my books, pulling one out and flipping through the pages, scanning the notes I’d scribbled in the margins and reading the underlined sentences to himself. He glanced up at me and I saw the embarrassment on his face as he realised I was watching him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Do you mind?”

I shook my head. “Go ahead, look at whatever you want.”

Bolder now, Emmett moved along the shelf reading the titles, and looking with interest at the other objects and trinkets scattered along the shelves. I wasn’t even pretending to work on my model by then, instead I sat cross legged on the floor, silently watching Emmett as he investigated. I was amused to see him take the most valuable thing I owned, a pink enamelled Faberge egg inlaid with diamonds and amethysts, and hold it in his hands, turning it over to examine it more closely.

“Is this thing for real?” he asked me doubtfully. “Like, real diamonds?”

“Yes.” I moved to kneel beside him and felt the electric tingle of his skin on mine as I gently took it from his hands. “It’s a Faberge egg…see? Carlisle gave it to me when we were in Europe last year.” I pressed the hidden catch and the egg popped open, revealing a gold flower set with more diamonds. It sparkled in the light.

“Christ,” Emmett muttered irreverently. “How much money do these people have?”

“Lots,” I murmured in response. “You think about money a lot,” I said thoughtfully.

He flashed me a defensive look. “People usually do when they don’t have any.”

“Maybe so,” I said, acknowledging that he would know more about that than I did. “But the Cullens really don’t care about money,” I added honestly. “Edward’s rich and Carlisle has more than he could ever spend…even when he goes about buying Faberge eggs for baby brats.”

Emmett grinned at me, his eyes amused. “I bet you weren’t a brat,” he said.

“Oh, I was though!” I giggled ruefully, because I couldn’t deny that I really had been an awful brat and a trial to the Cullens from the very beginning. “I’m glad he bought me my egg though, I love it. It’s so pretty.”

It was more than a just a pretty ornament to me though. I know they thought I was shallow, but every expensive gift I had been given I treasured as a symbol that I was worth something, even after all that had happened in my life to make me feel like nothing.

“It’s not as pretty as you,” Emmett said softly, and then he looked at me and I couldn’t look away, caught in the intensity of his stare as neither of us breathed and everything unsaid swirled between us.

I broke the moment, looking away as I replaced the egg on the shelf. I bit my lip as the battle inside me raged. _I want you Emmett…I don’t know what this is between us, but I know you feel it too. I don’t know how to talk to you about it, I don’t know how to reach out to you…but I want to. Please, help me._

Emmett seemed not to feel the tempest of emotion that I did, but he recognised it in me, and with his big heart he intuitively did just what I needed him to and pulled back a little, smiling at me gently as he said, “My little sister would love that.”

“You had sisters?” I asked.

“Four sisters,” he told me cheerfully. “They’re twenty two and fifteen and eleven and five. I’ve got five brothers too, three older and two younger.”

“That’s a lot,” I laughed, trying to imagine it and failing completely. “Your poor mother.”

Emmett chuckled. “What about you?”

I shook my head. “There was always just me.”

Emmett raised his eyebrows. “Really? Just _one?_ Who did you play with? I mean, when you were a kid.”

I laughed. He sounded so shocked! “I played by myself. Or with friends from school. I had piano lessons and my mother taught me to cook and sew. She was quite strict really, and she kept me busy. She didn’t like me to be lazy.”

Emmett made a face. “My ma used to send us outside after breakfast and tell us not to come back until dinner time. My brothers and me had chores on the farm, and then we’d just go out fishing and swimming and hunting and exploring and fighting.” He grinned at me. “Course, I was the littlest and usually came off worst!”

I couldn’t help but smile back, and my eyes briefly flashed across his tall, broad shouldered figure. “You were the _smallest?_ ”

“I was back then,” Emmett laughed. “I didn’t grow tall til I was fourteen and John and Patrick and Harry were a few years older than me. Kitty too, she was two years older than me and boy could she take me down!” He chuckled as he remembered. “There are five years between me and Hannah, so I was the baby for a while.”

“It’s hard for me to imagine,” I said slowly. “Having so many people around all the time…I guess that’s why you get along so easily with everyone. You like the company.”

Emmett nodded. “I get bored by myself. When I was little I had my older brothers, and then as they got older and left I had my friends, and I had to help out a lot with the little ones when I wasn’t working.” He saw my questioning face. “Like I said, Hannah’s five years younger than me, then Maggie is eleven and William’s nine and Stephen’s seven and Elizabeth is just five.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty…I was born in 1915.”

“The same year as me,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I just had my eighteenth birthday a little bit before…before I was changed.”

   Emmett frowned. “That’s something I can’t get used to- that Edward still looks like a kid but he’s older than me, and Carlisle being damn near enough to three hundred years old.” He shook his head.

“There’s a lot I can’t get used to,” I mumbled without meaning to, the bit my lip to cut off my words. But there was something about Emmett’s interest in me and acceptance of anything I might say that invited confidences.

His fingers fluttered for a minute, as if he wanted to touch me, and I held my breath. But instead he took the half built model plane in his hands, as carefully and delicately as I’d ever seen him handle anything, and looked at it more closely.

“What type is this?”

“A replica of the de Havilland Gipsy Moth,” I answered. I took it back from him and stroked the wings lovingly. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Emmett laughed. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d be the kind of girl to think airplanes were pretty.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “What, you thought all I would care about was clothes and my hair?” I said teasingly.

Emmett ducked his head sheepishly. “Well, it _is_ very pretty hair…”

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. “Okay, admittedly I DO care about my hair. But I like aeroplanes too. And the de Havillands are good…did you know that Amy Johnson flew a Gipsy Moth from England all the way to Australia in 1930?” I rose to my feet and showed him the map of the world I kept pinned to the back of my door. “Imagine going all that way, all alone…one day I’m going to learn to fly a plane,” I told Emmett, half defiantly.

He grinned. “You won’t even need to stop and sleep when you go flying around the world.”

Emmett laughed up at me, his dimples flashing and his face holding nothing but a bright belief in the possibilities ahead of us, and I felt my walls begin to crumble. This time though, it didn’t make me afraid. _Emmett…maybe this is possible._


	12. Facing the Monster Inside

Emmett looked back at my bookcase, and his eyes took in the two leather bound journals stuffed in the bottom corner. He didn’t take them out, but tapped at the rounded spines with his finger. “Did Carlisle give you these?”  

I nodded, sliding down the door and sitting with my back leaning against it. “Yes. He’s a big believer in journals.”

“He gave me one too,” Emmett said unenthusiastically. “I haven’t started it yet though. What do you write about?”

“I complain about Edward,” I said honestly. “Moan and whine and throw tantrums on paper so that I don’t do it out loud.” I smiled wryly. “I don’t think it’s what Carlisle had in mind when he gave me my first journal, but I’m not really a person of words.”

“I’m not either,” Emmett muttered.

“Carlisle’s journals are worth reading though,” I said after a moment. “He’s been keeping them forever and he writes about so many things; it’s the most extraordinary history really.”

Emmett was looking at me thoughtfully. “You and Carlisle…” he said hesitantly. “You don’t…like him? Or…”

I knew what he was trying to ask and I felt my hands twisting together anxiously, but I didn’t want to lie to Emmett. “It’s complicated,” I said softly. “It isn’t that I don’t like him. I respect him enormously and he’s been nothing but kind to me since I…came here. But…” I shrugged a little helplessly and looked up at Emmett with haunted eyes.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said. “Not now, if you don’t want to…we’ve got lots of time.”

 _Time…yes, we’ve got that in abundance._ I was touched that Emmett, with all his boundless enthusiasm and impatience, was treading so carefully through the minefield of my scars and issues.

“You seem to think of Esme and Edward as your family though?” Emmett asked.

“Oh, Carlisle is my family too,” I said hastily, not wanting him to think otherwise. “It’s been a little less than two years, but for all I snap and snarl and fight they know me better than my human parents ever did, and I trust them absolutely. Even Edward, and you’ve seen how the two of us get along!” I laughed, and Emmett grinned back. “And of course Esme is wonderful. I’m not quite the daughter she would want, but I do love her.”

“What were your parents like then?” Emmett asked curiously.

I wrinkled my nose thoughtfully. “They were nice,” I said at last. “My father was a banker and my mother ran our house and was active with several committees. They spoiled me in a lot of ways I think, but we weren’t close. They had very set ideas about what I was supposed to do, and what my life was supposed to be.” I looked down at my hands before I said softly, “They loved me, in their way. I don’t like to think about them…about what they must have thought when I disappeared.”

Emmett nodded slowly. “It sounds a lot different to how I was raised.”

“Tell me about your parents.”

“I love them,” he said simply, and once again I marvelled at his open honesty. “My Pa’s kind of quiet, until he gets mad and then you’d better watch out! I’ve felt the end of his belt more times than I want to remember and the man sure as hell has an arm on him! He’s a farmhand and he works real hard, but there’s not so much money in it. He’s the best shot in the district and he’s the one who taught me to hunt. My Ma is the talker. She’s always got something to say! She’s always busy, with so many people there’s always cooking and cleaning and mending, as well as all the church stuff she does.” A brief shadow of concern crossed his face. “She’s not so well as she used to be though- she had a hard time when Elizabeth was born, and then last year she lost another baby and she hasn’t been real strong since then. Hannah and Maggie help her out a lot now, but I did a lot too and…oh well.” Emmett shrugged resignedly. “Nothing more I can do now. The money from Carlisle and Esme will do to get the extra help she needs, and please God they’ll all be fine.”

I found his attitude extraordinarily restful. To know there were things you couldn’t change and just accept it and move on! Not through callousness or disinterest either, but just a calm acceptance of what would be and an optimistic belief in good. I thought rather unhappily of my own habit of fretting and raging over things that I couldn’t change, and wished for even a little of Emmett’s innately philosophical outlook.

We stayed in my room talking through the afternoon, and then through the night and right in to the next day. He shared himself with a generosity of spirit that took my breath away with its sweetness. He talked about his home, about growing up and going to school, about things he loved and things he didn’t and what it had been like for him waking up to this vampire world. He showed me himself and, despite the accent and the slang and the swearing, he grew in my estimation until I felt almost humbled that he wanted me.

He wanted to know about me. He asked a million questions and listened to my answers with absorption, no matter how haltingly or hesitantly I spoke, but he demanded nothing. He called me angel, and it made my heart crack and I was afraid. Not of him, but of what was between us, and what I was feeling.

_I act like I’m hard and arrogant and confident, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough for this. I feel it happening Emmett and I want it so badly! But everything else I’ve ever wanted has been taken away from me…what if this all turns to pain too?_

Eventually I could no longer ignore the clear signs of his increasing thirst. The eyes that never left me were dark, and I caught him swallowing repeatedly, his hand unconsciously rubbing at his throat.

“You’re thirsty,” I said at last.

Emmett shrugged. “I’m okay.”

“You should go out,” I told him reluctantly. “Your eyes…they’re getting very dark.” For a moment I could not resist reaching out and touching him, laying my hand gently across his cheek. The curve of his jaw, the smoothness of his skin…my hand burned and for an endless moment we stared at each other until I felt like I was drowning in the depths of his dark eyes.

“Emmett!” Edward appeared in the doorway.

I yanked my hand away, furious to have been caught by Edward with these fragile and tender emotions on such clear display. But he didn’t look at me as he grinned at Emmett.

“Come on, let’s go hunting.”

Emmett scowled at him and muttered, “I’m good,” and I felt a flare of pleasure in my belly. _He wants to stay here with me._

“No, you’re not,” Edward contradicted Emmett, sounding amused. “You’re thirsty, I can tell, so get outside. The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll be back.” He flashed me an impish grin.

“Will you come? Please?”

I shook my head without looking at Emmett, and he sighed as he hauled himself to his feet. “I’ll come back soon.”

I smiled at him, putting everything I felt but couldn’t say into my eyes, and his answering smile could have lit up the room. “Go on then,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I didn’t go anywhere. When I saw his big shoulders pushing through the doorway behind Edward an hour later I was on the sofa beside Esme, writing in the journal I had propped up on my knees. For a moment I felt terrified, but I would have to have been blind to miss the smile that spread across his face and brought out his dimples, and no one missed the way he bounded across the room and sat right now beside me. I went back to my journal but I couldn’t help smiling and, a moment later, I slid a sideways glance in Emmett’s direction and saw that he was smiling too, his eyes now clear gold and bright with happiness as he looked at me.

 Everything changed after that. Emmett had crashed his way into my heart and the force of his vibrant personality was like the sun, and I found myself softening and opening up to him more each day. He spent as much time as possible with me, playing and laughing and talking, and even just sitting quietly together while we read, or I worked on my model planes and he listened to the radio and watched me. He taught me to play poker and cheat at cards, and I taught him how to breathe through the burning thirst and resist temptation, and move through the human world without betraying the secret of what we really were.  

He saw my faults too. Living as we did in such close quarters, and being as tempestuous as I was, there was no chance of hiding them. So he saw my selfishness and temper, my vanity and sulkiness and he just laughed at me and looked at me with the same golden eyed look of tenderness as he always had. He put up with my tempers and let me keep my secrets without pushing me for answers, and it seemed for a little while as though Emmett really was going to be what I needed. But my scars ran deep, and nothing about change had ever been easy for me. Making space for Emmett in my life was going to be no exception.

We had been walking out in the forest and were on our way home. We certainly weren’t looking for the deer, but as they bounded across the path in front of us Emmett stopped talking mid-sentence and lunged, snatching a young buck by the antlers and feeding on it, fast and intently.

It felt like the world turned dark. The strength and speed of him as he struck, the inherent violence in the bloody kill, raised such a feeling of terror in me that it took my breath away. My rational mind knew I was being foolish, this was _Emmett_ and that deer was _food_ …but that did nothing to quell my instinctive horror.

As the flow of blood slowed and then stopped, Emmett looked around, seemingly surprised to see me glaring at him. He had a streak of blood across the front of his shirt and his face was red with it, the deer hanging limply from one big hand. “What?”

“Was that really necessary?” I snarled.

Emmett shrugged blankly. “I was thirsty…they were there.”

I turned and flounced off back to the house. I knew I was being ridiculous, but all I wanted was to get away, far away, from that flash of Emmett’s predatory nature and calm myself down.

“Rose, wait up!”

I didn’t stop, but I wasn’t really running and Emmett caught up to me quickly. “What’s wrong?” he asked anxiously.

“Nothing,” I muttered.

The next moment rage overtook fear as Emmett laughed at me. “Look, I’m sorry…I was thirsty. What’s the problem?”

 _Don’t you dare laugh at me!_ “Forget about it.” We were close to home, and I moved faster, intent only on solitude.

“Rosalie…” Emmett’s voice was pleading, but at the same time he reached out and grabbed me, closing his hand around my upper arm and trying to pull me to a stop.

 _NO!_ Someone bigger and stronger and inherently dangerous trying to restrain me? Instinct kicked in and I yanked my arm free as I whirled around and slammed my fists into his chest. “Don’t touch me! Leave me alone!”

I don’t think Emmett understood. How could he? But he stepped back and held up his hands in clear surrender, letting me go as I stormed back to the house.

Alone in my room I sat on my bed, back and shoulders braced against the corner of the wall, teeth clenched. I didn’t realise until later that my hands were methodically tearing apart the heaped pile of pillows, shredding the heavy embroidered fabric like paper as I fought with myself. Fear battled with anger, and more than that I writhed with a soul deep grief that because of what I was, because of what we _all_ were, I was going to be hurt again.

For a moment I hated Emmett for so casually showing me the monster inside him, but as the feathers drifted through the air like clouds, I had to acknowledge that he had never hidden that part of himself from me. He asked me to hunt with him every time, he spoke freely of the thirst and the temptation…the vampire monster in Emmett was not hidden at all. It was part of who he was, as much a part of him as the booming laugh and dimpled smile and generous kindness. And even though I hated it in me, maybe by bringing it out into the light Emmett made it in to something that didn’t need to be feared at all.

Not like the monsters that some men kept hidden inside. Not like those monsters, the ones you never knew were there until they struck and made the nightmares suddenly real. Alone in my room I shuddered, for I knew too much about that kind of darkness where evil dressed itself up in modern manners and cloaked itself in charm, and brought with it gifts of flowers and diamonds and the fulfilment of naïve girlish dreams. 


	13. The Perfect Couple (1933)

“Come on Rosalie, we’re going to be late,” Royce stood impatiently in the doorway of my bedroom, tapping his feet.

“I know, I’m sorry!” l pulled at the stiff buckle on my shoe with fingers made awkward with haste. On our way out the door for the Charitable Foundation’s Annual Ball I had tripped on the step and broken the heel of my shoe. Bad enough to have been so clumsy in full view of Royce’s parents waiting in the limousine, but now Royce had followed me upstairs to my room and was watching with irritated eyes, making me even more flustered as I tried to put myself back together again.

The buckle finally came free with a jerk, but snagged on the delicate silk of my stocking and tore it. I looked across at Royce. “I have to change my stockings,” I said.

“So do it,” Royce didn’t move, his eyes suddenly alert. “Go on Rose, it’s not as though we’re not going to be married in less than a month.” He frowned. “Just hurry up- my parents are waiting.”

For a moment I dithered. Mother would never approve…but of course Royce was right, we’d be married soon enough. I couldn’t keep his parents waiting longer than I had to. My parents had left for the ball themselves twenty minutes earlier. Flushing scarlet I turned my back on Royce, pulling up my dress so I could unclip my stockings.

I didn’t hear him move to stand behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt his hand. I went to push my dress back down but with his other hand he took a fistful of fabric, keeping it bunched up on my thighs. “Nice…” he murmured, his eyes scanning the length of my bare legs, from my toes to the dress pushed up high on my thighs. 

I didn’t say a word, but my face was scarlet and my eyes huge as I looked up at him.

He knelt down beside me, one hand heavy on my leg, and looked into my eyes. “You’re beautiful when you’re afraid, Rosalie.” His hand stroked my cheek. “You’re going to be my wife, and you won’t hide from me then will you? _Will you_?”

Dumbly I shook my head, and shivered when Royce ran his hand down my leg and then back up my thigh, pushing my dress up even higher. He gave me the strangest smile before he stood up again.

“Good. Now get dressed,” he said briskly. “We’re late as it is.”

I took a deep breath and pulled on a fresh pair of stockings and new shoes as quickly as my shaking hands could manage, taking up my wrap since the night was cool. Royce took my arm with as much deference and courtesy as he ever did, and by the time I was sliding into the limousine with his parents I was able to smile at them apparently unruffled.

The limousine was the height of luxury, and I enjoyed riding in it. I loved being with Royce’s family and all the privileges of their wealth and position in the community that it afforded. I loved the way that when we arrived at the Stratford-Banks’ home we were immediately ushered in and greeted with a graciousness that almost bordered on deference. I loved knowing that everyone was looking at me with envy and admiration. I loved having my photograph taken for the society pages of the newspaper, and knowing that I looked beautiful.

“I have to go and find someone,” Royce murmured to me after the photograph was taken.

“That’s fine,” I answered, adding teasingly “Don’t be long though!”

He laughed. “Okay Princess.”

He disappeared into the crowd and I moved through it, accepting compliments and smiles and making small talk. I had pushed Royce’s odd behaviour in my bedroom well out of my mind by then, and was back to feeling happy and confident. When one of the Stratford-Banks sons asked me to dance, I didn’t even hesitate to accept and within a moment I was out on the floor with him, laughing in exhilaration at the fast music.

I looked around for Royce as I danced but couldn’t see him, and didn’t really worry too much. I had known my dance partner, Carter, for most of my life and we’d always been friends. We moved well together on the dance floor and he had a biting sense of humour that always made me laugh, so I enjoyed his company enough that it was easy to lose track of time.

Eventually Royce found me, approaching Carter and I with a careless smile. “Carter, old man, good to see you.”

“You too Royce.” The two of them clasped hands briefly. “Not long now until you will have bagged Rosalie,” Carter teased, winking at me. “I’ve known the minx all her life, and you’re getting a handful with her!”

I poked my tongue out at him, laughing, but the look Royce threw me sent a shiver of unease up my spine. His hand closed around my upper arm.

“Of course, I’m a lucky man.” Royce’s fingers tightened on my arm. “If you’ll excuse us now Carter, I need a word with Rosalie.”

He towed me off the dance floor and out into the garden. His iron grip on my arm gave me little choice but to hurry to keep up with him as he strode through the garden and into a secluded space by the greenhouses.

I tried to pull away. “Royce, stop it…you’re hurting me.” His fingers gripped even tighter, digging in to the soft flesh of my arm until I couldn’t stop a whimper of pain. “Royce…”

“I don’t ever want to see that again,” Royce’s voice was flat and hard and I cringed at the sound of it. “You…flirting like some common slut…” His free hand seized mine, crushing my fingers together as he brought my hand up to my eyes. I could see the diamond on my engagement ring, blue in the dim moonlight. “You see that?” he went on harshly. “That’s my ring. You’re going to be my wife…I will _own_ you Rosalie…”

“I didn’t do anything!” I scrabbled helplessly at his hand on my arm, twisting to get free as tears stung my eyes. “Please Royce …I wouldn’t… _I’m sorry!”_

He released his grip on my arm so suddenly that I staggered, but then his arms went around me and he kissed me, hard enough to bruise my lips and make me dizzy, holding me crushed against him, his hips grinding in to me… _oh God, what are you doing?_

“You’re beautiful Rose,” Royce growled, his eyes boring into mine and his breath hot on his face. “I don’t want anyone else to touch or look at what’s mine. I don’t want you ever to look at anyone else… _just me._ Understand?”

“Yes!” I gasped. “I understand! Please Royce…”

I was mortified to feel tears on my face. Royce took a step back, and then his hands were on me again, but this time there was only gentleness as he took his handkerchief and wiped my face. “Don’t cry little Rose,” he said tenderly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. Watching you flirt with him just made me crazy with jealousy…” He caressed my arms, and even in the pale light out here in the night I could see the dark marks his fingers had left in my pale skin. Gently Royce took my beaded wrap and draped it over my shoulders, covering up the bruises and kissing me so sweetly that I felt myself leaning into him again. “My innocent Rose…”

“Royce!”

 _Oh my god!_ I stumbled backwards, horrified to see Royce’s father glaring at us from the path. I prayed he couldn’t see the blush that was burning my cheeks.

“Father…” Royce whined, but Mr King stepped towards us, every line of his body radiating anger.

“Royce, I’ve been looking for you. I want a word. Rosalie, go back to the house.” He didn’t even look at me.

“Go on Rose,” Royce muttered.

I didn’t hesitate. Pulling my wrap tighter around me so that it wouldn’t fall I stepped quickly around Mr King and back to the path. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. All I wanted was to get back to the lighted house but my legs were shaking too much, and I knew my face was flushed. I stopped for a moment, leaning against the cool glass walls of the greenhouse and breathing deeply, and only then did I realise that I could clearly hear Royce and his father.

“By God, you’re like a cat playing with a mouse,” Mr King’s voice was strident with disgust. “I won’t have it Royce! I’ve heard all the stories and I’ve told you that I’ll not let you bring shame on this family and sully our good name because you can’t control yourself! I saw you dragging that girl out of there…”

“I didn’t do anything,” Royce said sulkily. “Rosalie’s my fiancée, I can…”

“No, you _can’t_!” Mr King roared. “Not yet! Three weeks…you marry her in three weeks. Until then you keep your nose clean and don’t you dare do anything to her that might screw that up!”

“She…”

“Damn it Royce, I don’t want to know! I found you that girl- she’s from a good family and she knows how to behave. For Christ’s sake, she’s even pretty!” Royce’s father snarled. “She’s the wife you need, and you _will_ marry her and get a baby on her and give me a grandson, damn you…I don’t care what you do with her after that!”

I fled. I couldn’t have them know I’d overhead that, and I didn’t want to hear anymore. What was going on? What were all these undercurrents and hidden elements that I couldn’t understand…surely my perfect life wasn’t going to be complicated? I was beautiful, and Royce loved me and wanted to marry me, we were going to be rich and important and…surely that was going to be enough and I was going to be happy?

 My pride and my will had me moving gracefully into the house as if nothing untoward had happened. I smiled and nodded and even blew a kiss across the room to a friend; and if my wrap hid an arm that bore the dark imprint of a hand in bruised flesh, and I locked myself in the powder room for a moment and let the tears fall, no one would ever know. I waited until I was composed before I went out, finding my mother redoing her lipstick, peering in the mirror.

“Rosalie, I just wanted to see how your evening is?” she said, coming over and frowning as she smoothed my hair. “I saw you with Royce earlier, and he looked a little cross.”

I stood docilely and let her, fidgeting with the ends of my wrap. “I’m a little tired,” I said, my eyes low. “Royce…it’s fine. He wasn’t pleased that I was dancing with Carter Stratford-Banks, that’s all.”

Mother paused in her ministrations. “Don’t upset him Rosalie,” she said at last. “You’re going to be his wife, and it may not always be easy. You need to always be mindful of him.”

“But...”

“No,” Mother shook her head. “No buts, Rosalie. Royce is able to offer you everything we have ever wanted for you, you must learn to manage him.” She kissed my forehead. “Now put a smile on your face and go back out there. He’ll be waiting for you.”

Royce was waiting for me, smiling like nothing had happened, although his jaw was tense and I could smell the alcohol on his breath when he gently kissed my cheek. But he was gallant and charming, and we danced and he made me laugh and I tried to forget what I had overheard in the garden.

We were alone in the limousine on the drive home, his parents having left earlier. Royce sprawled back in the seat, tossing his jacket on the floor and removing his tie and unbuttoning half his shirt. I’d never seen him in a state of dishevelment before, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“You’re blushing, little Rose,” Royce said teasingly, leaning towards me.

I certainly was. As he moved I could see the dark curly hair on his chest, and sprawled back on the seat with his legs apart as he had been had made everything in his trousers embarrassingly obvious to my innocent eyes. He slid across the seat to me, holding me in his hypnotic gaze.

“I like to see you blushing,” he murmured against my lips, kissing me. “I like it that you get so flustered when I look at you…every time I looked at you tonight I remembered the way you looked with your dress up and my hand on your thigh.” Still kissing me, with kisses so gentle and sweet that I found myself sinking into his arms, I barely noticed at first that his hand was sliding up my leg, pulling my dress up with it. It wasn’t until I felt his fingers on the bare skin between my stocking tops and my knickers that I realised that things were getting a little out of hand.

“Royce…”

“Shhh, Rose, shhh, don’t talk…” He kissed me again, distracting me in a way that worked until I felt his fingers brushing at the lace edge of my knickers.

“No, Royce!” I struggled to pull away, but I was backed into the corner of the seat and there was nowhere to go. “Royce, you can’t…the driver!” I was mortified at the idea that anyone, even the driver, might see me with my dress all hitched up and Royce’s hands trying to touch me.

“It doesn’t matter,” Royce muttered. “God Rose, we’re practically married…” His mouth came down on mine, and he kissed me so ardently that I couldn’t help but respond, even as I tried to press my legs together to keep his hands away. “I don’t want to wait…you drive me crazy…” Royce moved his hand from trying to navigate his way into my knickers, instead slipping it inside my dress so he could grasp my breast.

I was starting to panic when the car slowed and then stopped, and the driver tapped on the privacy screen that had thankfully remained up during our drive. I was home. “Royce,” I gasped, squirming away as best I could in the confined space. “You have to stop, we’re home…my parents!”

Royce groaned and flopped back on the seat. I tugged at my dress, trying to get everything in order before someone saw me. I was shaking, even more so after I looked across at him and saw the swelling bulge in his trousers. I knew that men were made different to women, but I didn’t really know _how_ and seeing that…all those whispers and stories and my mother’s “you’ll find out when you’re older and married” answer to my childish questions suddenly took on a menacing air.

“I have to go inside,” I said tremblingly.

“Of course,” Royce climbed out of the car and took my arm up the walk. At the door he smiled at me with his usual charm and kissed me gently and lovingly on the mouth. “You were the most beautiful girl at the ball tonight,” he told me. “I do adore you, my little Rose…tell me that you love me too. Tell me that I’m the only one for you.”

“You’re the only one for me,” I repeated, because I was naïve enough to believe it and besotted enough with him to overlook everything and do what I could to please him. I was rewarded with a smile and another tender kiss, and then I went inside and up to my room, exhausted and bewildered.

   I was in my nightgown with my face scrubbed, and was brushing my hair when Mother came in to say goodnight. She took the brush from my hand and ran it through my long hair.

“Mother,” I said slowly, “I wanted to ask you about…when I’m married…what Royce will expect.” My voice trailed off.

_He wants to touch me. I know there’s more to it than what he was doing tonight, but I don’t know what and I don’t know what to do and I’m frightened Mother…_

Mother’s face was a dull red as she stopped brushing my hair and began weaving it into a loose braid. “You mean in the bedroom?”

“I…I suppose.” My face was burning.

“There are certain things that go along with being a wife,” Mother said. “Of course you know that…he’ll have needs Rosalie, and it’s your marital obligation to fulfil them. It might be embarrassing, but you must just be a good girl and do what he tells you will please him. It will be all right in the end, and that’s how he’ll give you a baby, so it is necessary. Just do what he tells you.” She tied the end of my plait and kissed me on the top of the head. “Now, into bed with you.”

I wasn’t going to get anything more informative out of her. She was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, and I was beyond embarrassed to have even bought up the subject. Turning out the light I lay in bed, running my silky braid through my fingers and feeling unshed tears burning in my eyes, telling myself it would be fine. Royce would be my husband, he would take care of me and love me and never hurt me…wouldn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Okay…abusive relationship right there. Geez, I felt dirty writing this and not in any good way. The way Royce is with Rosalie here, controlling her, making her do things she doesn’t want to do, making her feel uncomfortable, physically hurting her, manipulating her feelings so that she does what he wants because she ‘loves him’…NONE OF THAT IS IN ANY WAY OKAY! I don’t care how many diamonds he gives her, or what she thinks she owes him, it is NOT the way a relationship should work, not ever.   
> And his dad…I hate him too. I kind of hate everyone in this chapter.  
> But writing this makes Rosalie’s distrustful nature and wariness make so much sense! I mean, look at her here, when she was romantic and trusting, and look how that ended up…this man played with her emotions and then raped and beat her to death. That adds a whole layer of betrayal of trust to that violence and brutality she endured…it’s no real wonder that she’s holding out on Emmett.


	14. Playtime

I was still huddled up in the corner of my bed when I heard Emmett out on the porch some time later. He laughed with Carlisle and Edward and Esme, and I bit my lip as the hurt flared again.

A moment later I heard him thumping up the stairs and without knocking he flung open the door and stepped in.

“I didn’t say you could come in.”

“You didn’t say I couldn’t,” he responded, looking at me with wide gold eyes. His gaze travelled across my bed, taking in the mess of feathers and batting from the destroyed pillows. “Cripes…you look like you’ve been having fun.”

I scowled furiously. “If you’ve just come in here to poke fun, you can just get the hell out.”

Emmett’s eyes sparkled, and he came closer and dropped down onto the other end of the bed. A cloud of feathers rose into the air and drifted down again, several of them getting caught in the dark curls on his head. He looked so endearingly silly that I had to hide my smile.

“Come on Rosa girl,” Emmett said, and his voice was soft and gentle and held no hint of mockery. “Don’t be mad at me…I’m sorry.”

He sounded so genuinely sad that I was angry that the last of my defences crumbled, and I slid over on the bed to sit beside him with a sigh. “I’m the one who needs to be sorry,” I said, squirming with discomfort. God, I hated admitting wrongdoing and failure! “I was unfair Emmett, and mean, and I’m sorry.” I wanted to beg him to forgive me, but those words wouldn’t come and I sat in silent, still misery.

“It’s the hunting, isn’t it? You didn’t want to see me do that.” He sounded like he was trying so hard to understand, and I raised my eyes to look at him.

“I know it’s what we are,” I said steadily. “I know that you were thirsty and you needed to.”

“But you still hate it,” he said soberly.

I nodded, and looked away. I knew I had to tell him the truth. Secrets we could have between us, things I wasn’t ready to share, but lies…there could be no lies. “I do hate it,” I said, and I couldn’t stop the tremor of emotion. “I hate the baseness of it, the violence of it…I hate being reminded that I’m a monster. _I hate what I am_ , Emmett, and I don’t ever want you to see me doing that.”

“I like what you are,” Emmett said, and I’d never heard his voice so full of feeling. “I like everything you are…and one day we’re going to go out hunting together.”

I shook my head, but he was looking at me and his eyes were so intent that they kept me still, staring at him unblinkingly as his face inched closer. “We will,” he said, and I felt as much as heard the whisper breathe against my face. “We’ll go hunting, and I’ll watch you feed, my Rosa, and it will be beautiful because it’s you…”

I thought he was going to kiss me, and I didn’t move away as my body burned and my lips ached for his touch…and then from outside Carlisle shouted for Emmett, and the moment was broken.

“Just a second!” Emmett bellowed towards the window, and then turned back to me with an exasperated grin. “I went in to town,” he told me cheerfully. “I bought Edward a baseball bat and they’re setting up to play. You have to come out and play too.”

I couldn’t help giggling. Only hours before I had been in agony over the monster of his vampirism and now he was grinning and wanted to play baseball? “I don’t know how,” I said.

Picking feathers out of his hair, Emmett dismissed my concerns. “You’ll be good at it. Come on, I need you on my team so we can teach that smart ass Edward a lesson in humility.”

Well, when he put it that way… “Okay, I’ll play.”

“I bought something for you too,” Emmett said, reaching into his pocket and looking suddenly uncertain as he handed me a jewellery box.

I opened it slowly, struggling to hold on to my composure. A gift, from Emmett… It was a bracelet, a plain silver circle with a smooth oval stone set in it. The stone was a beautiful piece of golden amber with streaks of darker brown in it, and I knew immediately why he had chosen it. _Vampire eyes._

“It’s not a Faberge egg,” Emmett said, a little anxiously. “But it’s a little more me…I hope you like it.”

“I do. I do like it Emmett, very much…thank you.” _I like it more than I can say Emmett. Because YOU gave it to me, because you like me even when I’m impossible…because you think being a vampire is beautiful._ I brushed my hair back and smiled at him.

“Emmett! Rose! Are we playing out here or what?” Edward shouted impatiently up from the yard.

Emmett sighed loudly and then grinned, jumping to his feet and holding his hand out to me. “Come on, let’s go play ball.”

To my surprise, and Emmett’s admiration, I discovered that I _loved_ baseball and I was good at it. After only ever playing tennis in my human life, and being constantly reprimanded by my mother for playing too aggressively, I learned that using all my vampire skill and physicality in sport was glorious. It was as exhilarating as hunting without involving killing and I went all out, demanding Emmett pitch to me properly instead of gently, and running with bold determination. I even tried sliding in to base when it was necessary- something which worked out even better than I had hoped, since the slide just bunched my dress up around my hips and Emmett was too busy gawking at my bare legs and the flash of knickers to even think about tagging me out.

Edward hauled me to my feet with a disgusted snort and looked at me with laughter in his eyes. “And you say I cheat!”

I laughed triumphantly and stuck my tongue out at him. “I can’t help it if that’s what happens when you slide in a dress!”

Emmett jammed his hands in his pockets and turned away with a broad grin, and I shook my head and looked towards home plate, my own lips curling up in a smile. Oh, this was _fun…_

We didn’t really keep score since five people didn’t really make up enough for a proper game, but that didn’t stop Emmett claiming a victory and Edward arguing the point with him half the way home. I walked beside Emmett, too happy for once to even get involved in their squabbling which only ended when Emmett took off to bathe in the river while the rest of us headed back to the house.

I took my time in the bath, wiping the dirt from the baseball field off my legs and hands, washing my hair and rinsing it clean in rosewater to make it smell nice. I dried it until it was barely damp and then combed it out, listening to Edward and Esme and Carlisle moving about downstairs, hearing the melody of the piano as Edward began to play. Finally I heard what I’d been unconsciously waiting for all along- Emmett’s footsteps in the yard. He was back. I took a final glance at myself in the mirror and then left the room and walked downstairs.

Emmett was waiting for me, standing in the doorway to the living room at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes glowing as he looked at me and a smile lit up his face. I smiled back and went to stand beside him. They’d lit the fire in the living room and pushed back the furniture, and in the light of the lamps Esme and Carlisle were dancing, old fashioned and romantic, to the music Edward was playing on the piano. It was a touching picture, and I looked at Emmett with a slow smile. “They haven’t done that in a long time.”

“Dance with me?” he asked softly, and although all I really wanted was to throw myself at him it took me a moment to find the control to simply nod. Then he took my hand and drew me into the living room, his arms going around me and holding me as I heard the faint noise of happiness rumbling deep in his chest.

_Oh Emmett…you feel like mine. Here in your arms it feels like there is nothing but the two of us, and it’s perfect Emmett, so happy and perfect and safe…don’t let go of me._

The dancing was fun. Emmett was better than I would have expected, much lighter on his feet than his size would suggest, and his enthusiasm and lack of self-consciousness soon chased away any anxiety on my part. I laughed and let him twirl me around and show off and I flirted and giggled and felt, for a brief and beautiful time, like the Rosalie I used to be- happy and bold and innocently romantic. Then we swapped partners and I found myself in Carlisle’s arms, letting him close to me in a way I never had and looking up into his kind face as his eyes regarded me seriously.

“Are you happy, Rosalie?” he asked almost tentatively, his voice quiet enough that the others wouldn’t hear. “You feel this is right for you?”

Wordlessly I nodded, and Carlisle smiled at me.

“He is a good man, Rosalie, whatever happens he will never hurt you deliberately.” Carlisle stopped talking for a minute to twirl me around. “But if anything, ever…if there is ever a problem Rosalie, please know that you can come to me, or Esme, and we will help you. No matter what it is…do you understand?”

I nodded again. “I do…thank you.”

“Your happiness matters to us a great deal Rosalie- we have loved seeing your smiles in recent times, and I would not see you made unhappy again if I could help it,” Carlisle smiled at me and chuckled then as he looked across at Emmett and Esme. “I believe Emmett wants you back. I don’t think he’s quite paying Esme the proper attention.”

Indeed, Emmett’s eyes kept straying to me and he was obviously paying little mind to Esme. Seeing me looking at him he held out his arms and without hesitation I went into them. He didn’t even pretend to be dancing then, just wrapped his arms around me and held me close. And I let him because for once being held and touched didn’t make me feel revulsion and fear. There in Emmett’s arms, feeling his hands on my back and his legs against mine and my head on his chest and even his hard maleness against my belly and his lips in my hair…there I felt _happy_ , as if his whole body was cradling me safe in a wide, calm sea of contentment.

“I love you.”

I heard the words and the emotion behind them, but it did no good. Not to me and my broken, brittle heart…the moment of perfect peace became as insubstantial as smoke as it drifted away, leaving me falling into the dark as I pulled away to look at Emmett.

“Beautiful girl, I love you.” He cupped my face in his hands, and the look of open, honest devotion he gave me felt like a knife, cutting through my outer layers and driving deep into the dark, poisoned centre of my soul.

“Emmett,” I whispered, “I can’t…”

He shook his head, and I saw confusion and the beginning of fear on his face as he realised the depth of my agony. “Rosa…I’m not asking for anything,” he said gently. “I’m just saying something, that’s all. That I love you, and that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me…”

 _You don’t…you can’t love me. You’re too good Emmett, and I’m too broken and too damaged…you can’t possibly love who I really am…_ And the hurt was too big to explain and too big to endure there under his desperate, loving gaze, so I did the only thing I could think of to do. I turned and ran.

I went to the garage, my place of solace. Sat down on the cool tiled floor and wrapped my arms around my knees and wished I could cry for the misery that was choking me. I had fallen in love with Emmett, I knew that, and I had thought I wanted him to love me too, but now that he’d said the words I saw the impossibility of it. Emmett, who was so open and honest and steadfast…how could he love _me_? After all that had been done to me, after all that I had done and the vampire I’d become, how could he possibly love me? I wore my arrogance like a cloak and pretended to everyone including myself that my demons didn’t exist and torment me, but I could never quite escape my bone deep conviction that what had been done to me had been my own fault. It happened because I deserved no better.

Emmett found me, stepping silently towards me and asking quietly if he might sit down. Without looking at him for the curtain of fair hair falling across my face I nodded briefly.

He slid down the wall to sit beside me. He was close enough to touch me, but he kept a space between our thighs as he stretched out his long legs, and he clasped his hands together in his lap.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he said at last. “I meant no offence.”

I brushed my hair out of my face so that I could look at him. “I’m sorry too,” I said bleakly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. But I have to tell you Emmett, I’m not the girl you think I am. I’m sorry, so sorry for all of this, but I can’t be what you want.” _I’m sorry I ever made you think I could be._

“But you are what I want.” His voice was low and sure.

“No.” I shook my head hopelessly. “You don’t know me Emmett, not really.”

I was waiting for him to leave, for him to realise the impossibility of it all and start to hate me for pretending it could ever have been otherwise, but Emmett just settled himself more comfortably on the hard tile floor and smiled at me gently. “So tell me,” he said quietly.

  _Tell you? Tell you all the dark secrets and hurtful things that make me rage and hate and feel so unworthy? Open up all the dark places that I hide and reveal the vulnerabilities that I hate?_

_Oh Emmett, I want to…but I’m so afraid._

_Please listen to me._


	15. Lessons in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- I just wanted to say that the next two chapters deal openly with Rosalie’s rape and assault, so take this as a warning. It’s not really graphic (she’s telling Emmett about it), but it is clear and it was obviously traumatic.  
> And there’s sex. Which is kind of graphic- I rated this story M for a reason. It’s also pretty much a rehash of the First Time fic, so it might read as familiar to you.

“They haven’t told you how I came to be here with them,” I said to him. It wasn’t really a question, I knew they wouldn’t have, but Emmett shook his head anyway. I looked away from him, staring at nothing as the memories played in my mind.

“I was engaged to be married. His name was Royce King. He was the son of the wealthiest banking family in town and he wanted me from the first moment he saw me.” I gritted my teeth in helpless fury over the naïve innocent I had been then. “Well, he wanted this face, and this body…he wanted something pretty and ornamental to hang of his arm and show off to his friends. We were going to be rich and secure and important and the envy of everyone…I was just vain and stupid enough to believe that that was what mattered. We were engaged within two months of meeting, and our wedding was planned to be the grandest affair ever seen in town. It was only a week before the wedding, that last night…I’d been out, visiting a friend, and was on my way home when it happened.”

I paused for a moment, biting my lip hard as I searched for the words. I had never had to _say_ it before, never had to invite the memories so I could talk about it. Carlisle had seen in my broken and bleeding body all the evidence he needed to know _what_ had happened, and Edward had read all the sordid details of _who_ out of my mind as I lay dying. I tangled my hands in my hair, desperately wanting comfort as I talked on, slowly and ruthlessly dragging all my shame and horror out into the light of Emmett’s golden eyes.

“It was late. Too late really, I should have accepted Vera’s offer to have her husband walk me home. But I didn’t, and it was dark and cold as I hurried towards home. I heard them first- a group of men drinking on the street corner. I didn’t realise it was Royce until he stepped towards me and called my name. He sounded…different, which must have been the drink, but he was my fiancé and I saw no reason to be wary. I thought he could escort me the rest of the way home. He had other ideas.

“He took hold of me roughly, and the buttons came off my coat. He was pawing at me, saying disgusting things to his friends like I wasn’t right there to hear them…he tore my dress, and when I tried to pull away he hit me. It hurt and I cried out, but he seemed to like that, and he hit me again.” I touched my cheekbone, remembering how it had hurt and the way Royce’s eyes had glittered at my pain and fear. I remembered other things too, and my voice was thin and tight as I told him the rest.

“His friends were laughing, and encouraging him. He pushed me to the ground and tore off the rest of my clothes. I didn’t know what he was going to do, my mother had spoken vaguely of ‘marital obligations’ but she didn’t explain so I didn’t even know about _that_ until he did it. He didn’t care how much I screamed or cried- the more I struggled and the more he hurt me the more he liked it. I thought it was over when he finished…but he gave me, all broken and bleeding, to his friends and then it happened again, and again until all I knew was the pain, and the blood, and the way they were laughing.

“Carlisle found me and brought me to his home. He saw that I was dying, I was very close, and for his own reasons he changed me. When I woke up, when I realised what I was, what I _am…_ I hated him for it. I hated him for taking everything away from me. I hated Esme for allowing it. I hated Edward for being such an awful know it all! I hated everything. I was so angry, I destroyed everything I could get my hands on, and the only thing that gave me any comfort at all was the thought of revenge.”

I closed my eyes, remembering the anger and the rage and burning need for vengeance that far outweighed the burning thirst for blood. “I thought revenge would help. I planned it all out, and one by one I hunted down every one of the men who had been there that night and hurt me. I killed them all Emmett, not for their blood – I swear I never even tasted a drop of that! - but just to make them feel one tiny part of what they’d made me feel. I saved Royce for last, because I wanted him to know I was coming and to feel afraid, and I was like some avenging demon when I punished him. I drove him almost to madness with terror and pain before I finally killed him. I’m a killer Emmett, I became a monster… _and I’m not sorry.”_ The last was said in a final, tortured whisper, and for a moment I dropped my head and hid behind my hair and wished I could die.

But death was not an option for what I was, and finally I raised my head and looked at Emmett. Instead of seeing the scorn and contempt I was so sure would be waiting there, there was only a steady look of enduring love.

“None of that matters,” he said softly, reaching out to stroke my hair. I couldn’t help but lean into his touch, after shying away from physical touch for so long I was surprised by how irresistibly I was physically drawn to Emmett. “I still remember seeing you in the woods, like an angel come down from heaven to save my life…we were meant to be together, Rosalie. I don’t want anything else but you now.” His voice dropped, and when he spoke again it sounded low and intense. “I’m sorry all that happened to you. Men like that are scum, you gave them what they deserved and I’m proud of you.”

His free hand reached out and caught mine, and I could see him debating what to say next. He raised my hand to his mouth and tenderly kissed my knuckles, his eyes compelling me to keep looking at him. “I hope you know it isn’t always like that when a man lies with a woman,” he said slowly. “It should _never_ be like that…there can be a great deal of pleasure in that physical love and maybe…well, maybe one day you might find that you trust me enough to let me show you. I love you Rosalie.”

 _I love you Emmett._ I couldn’t say it, not then, but I slid closer to him and rose on to my knees. Looking him in the eyes I saw all of his honesty and patience and caring, and I tentatively moved my head forward until I could place my lips on his. Soft, butterfly kisses that he returned, kisses that turned deep and languorous, and then hard and hot as I opened my mouth to his and learned what could be done with lips and tongue and teeth. _Oh Emmett, what is it that you’re doing to me?_ His hands roamed over my back and face and twined in my hair, but he didn’t touch anywhere else, not until I pulled away to look at him, my eyes wide and my breathing fast.

“I want you,” he said, and his voice quivered with desire. “I want to touch you, touch you everywhere and give you what you’ve never had…but I want you to want it too Rosa girl. I won’t do anything to hurt you, only do what you want to and when you say yes.”

 _Oh yes, Emmett, yes._ I nodded mutely. Emmett, with his big gentle hands and soft, full lipped kisses had woken something in me that I didn’t even know what sleeping there. For the first time in my vampire life I felt _heat_ , and the unfamiliar swirl and pulse of desire deep in my belly and throbbing between my legs. _I want you too._ Wordlessly I nodded again, and reached behind me to unbutton my dress. Suddenly afraid I caught it and held it before it uncovered my breasts, looking at Emmett for reassurance.

I saw him swallow and he held his hands out. “May I?” I nodded, but it wasn’t until I found my voice and whispered the word “ _Yes”_ that his hands took hold of cloth and his fingers brushed my skin as he slid my dress and underwear off my body.

I knelt beside him, knowing he was looking at me all bare and exposed, and I closed my eyes tight as I fought the rising tide of fear.

“Open your eyes, my angel.” Emmett’s voice was quiet, and silently as I did as he commanded. He was bare chested and kneeling before me, his familiar smile on his face as he held my chin and tipped my face up to meet his.

“Don’t hide, pretty girl…there is no shame in this Rosalie. No shame now, not here with me.” His eyes caressed the lines of my body, and he looked at me with the same look of beatific wonderment I remembered from the human Emmett in the forest. “Look at you! _So beautiful._ God made you so perfectly to give and receive pleasure, and there is nothing in the world wrong with that, Rosa girl.”

He cupped my breasts in his palms, his thumbs tracing soft circles around my nipples, and I wasn’t afraid anymore. _No shame, not here with Emmett_. His hands on me…I had never been touched like that, and I whimpered with the newly discovered pleasure of it as I leaned in to kiss him again. I felt the vibrations of a gentle laugh and then his hands took me down on to the floor, his lips on mine.

He kissed his way down my body, lingering a long time on my breasts. Kissing and lapping and licking at me, then taking my nipple in his mouth and sucking it until I moaned. I could feel the throbbing ache between my legs and I clenched my thighs together, wanting something more. _I want you, Emmett._

Emmett’s head moved lower, and for a moment his tongue tickled my belly button before I felt his face pressing between my thighs. I froze… _there?_ Emmett looked up, and his eyes were dark but there was nothing but love in his smile. “Okay? I want to Rosa…but if you don’t like it, I’ll stop.”

I nodded, and hesitantly relaxed my legs enough for his hands to part them. I could feel his breath on me, and for a moment I was so embarrassed at being spread open in front of him that I could barely pay attention as his tongue flicked out, touching me, searching…I couldn’t believe what he was doing, but it felt so right as his tongue tickled and teased, and then he touched that one spot at the centre of all my aching desire and suddenly I wasn’t thinking at all. Just feeling, as Emmett growled with satisfaction and held me against him, his tongue flicking and circling and sucking until I could think of nothing but how good he was making me feel. I didn’t care that I was making noise, I didn’t care that I was opening my legs even wider and rubbing against him and fisting my hands in his hair and begging him for more, harder, faster…didn’t care about anything except his soft lips and insistent tongue and what he was doing to me… _oh yes, Emmett, yes, please, oh god, yes!_ Then I felt like I was flying and falling all at the same time as my thighs clenched and my body shook with the flood of pleasurable release originating beneath his mouth. _Oh god, Emmett, yes, yes, YES…_

“Oh god, you taste so good!” Emmett muttered hoarsely, rising up on his knees above me. He kissed me, and I tasted myself on his lips as he smiled at me. “Yes? Good?”

I was still sprawled out on my back, my body shivering with the aftereffects of what he had just done to me, but I nodded fervently and he laughed gently and lay back beside me. “I didn’t know…it could be like that…for girls.” My brain felt scrambled and I wondered if I was making any sense at all, still feeling the fading pulses of pleasure deep inside.

“It should always be like that,” Emmett murmured. “The right time, the right person…your body is made to enjoy, and be enjoyed.”

“But there’s more to it for you. Right?” I couldn’t keep my eyes off what was clearly visible in his trousers.

Emmett’s lips quirked into a smile. “You can do that to me if you want to! But...yeah, there’s the rest of it.” He shifted his hips, a little uncomfortably. “Not today if you’re not ready though…not ever if you don’t want to. I want to give you pleasure, Rosa girl, just to see you feel it, not to get something in return.”

I sat up. “But, if I want to…”

Emmett folded his hands behind his head and smiled up at me with his eyes closed, looking trusting and defenceless. “I’m all yours pretty girl. Anything you want.”

Slowly I reached out and touched the buttons on his trousers. _I want this Emmett._ I didn’t care if I wasn’t being a lady…I didn’t know my body could feel like that and I wanted it again shamelessly. “I want all of you,” I whispered, stripping him bare.

 _Ohhh._ I had never seen a man like that before and I was surprised that I found him, all of him, so beautiful. Powerful arms and broad shoulders and chest and muscular legs and flat belly and…that. His penis was hard, lying up on his belly and I wondered briefly how on earth I was going to fit all that inside me. But I knew he wouldn’t hurt me and, as I reached out a tentative hand to touch him, I felt desire stirring deep in me once again. _I want you._ His skin felt like silk against my fingers.

 “You’re not going to hurt me. You can touch however you want.”

I looked over at him. His hands were still behind his head, but he was looking at me with eyes as black and thirsty as I’d ever seen them. Only it’s not thirst, I realised, it’s desire and it’s _me_ that he wants. His lips were parted and he breathed faster as I stroked him again. “Do you want me to touch you?”

He swallowed convulsively. “ _Yes.”_

I ran the palm of my hand along the underside of his penis, from the tip all the way down the shaft until I could slide my hand down and cup his balls. I rolled them gently in my hand, feeling the size and weight of them, and noticed the tension of his thighs as he strained to keep still. Experimentally I wrapped both hands around his penis and slid them up, and then he couldn’t keep still, groaning and pushing up into my hands.

“God, Rosa girl…”

I couldn’t stop touching him. I didn’t want to stop, fascinated by what his body could do, what I could do to him, what I could make him feel. _Me. I can do this to him._ My shyness disappeared, and as my hands moved I kept talking to him, asking him, “This? This? Do you like this? When I do this?” until he pulled his hands out from behind his head and reached towards me, gasping, “Come here…I can’t _not_ touch you, I have to…”

Willingly I lay beside him, feeling his big hands holding me close as he kissed me again. “God, I want you so bad Rosa,” he murmured into my hair, before he tipped my face back and looked into my eyes. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, and Emmett smiled at me again and slid a hand down between our bodies, between my legs. His fingers felt very different to his mouth, but it still ignited the same passion and it wasn’t long before he slid a finger inside me, then another one, while his thumb pressed against me and I bit down on his shoulder and rocked against his hand and wondered how my body could possibly feel so much pleasure.

Emmett slid his body over mine, propping himself up on his elbows. As he moved his hand away I was left aching and frustrated and so close, but he nudged my legs further open with his knees and then I felt something else, hard and ready, pressing against me.

“Tell me,” he ordered hoarsely. “Tell me Rosa girl, tell me what you want…”

“I want you,” I whispered. “I want you Emmett, now, please…” He pushed against me and I felt myself stretching and my body clenching around him as he entered me, but it didn’t hurt, not really. He kept moving, but I couldn’t stand the slowness and thrust up against him hard, hearing his involuntary moan of pleasure as I took the full length of his cock inside me. _Oh god, yes._ I felt so full of him, and as he started moving my body caught his rhythm and moved with him, the waves of pleasure building up until I was clinging to him and gasping and begging him _more, more Emmett…_ I felt as though I was drowning in the pleasure and the only thing holding me together was that beautiful man’s arms around me as my climax came, and I screamed and pressed my mouth against him. My body tightened and throbbed around him, and then I heard him shout my name and felt him bury himself in me with a final convulsive jerk as he came, and the two of fell together knowing there was nothing in the world right then but ourselves.

 _I love you Emmett, I want you, I love you, I need you_ … “I love you Emmett.”


	16. My Heart's All Yours

“I love you Emmett.”

Emmett lay beside me, my leg hooked up over his hip and his hands running along the curves of my body, smiling at me blissfully. “I love you too baby. You’re so beautiful…you happy, pretty girl?”

“Yes,” I said succinctly, and Emmett chuckled.

“Good.” My head was tucked into his shoulder, and he lowered his face to breathe in the scent of my hair. “Good. I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” I kissed his chest and ran my hands over him, feeling the shape of the muscles under the skin and marvelling at how perfectly he was made. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Emmett laughed. “If you say so…I want you promise me something baby.”

“What?” Instinctively I tensed…surely he was not going to make demands, not now?

Emmett’s hands were gentle and his eyes were loving as he looked at me steadily. “I want you to promise that next time I do something to make you mad – and every time after that – that you don’t run away from me. Because I’m going to do stuff that riles you up. I won’t mean to most likely, but I’m a knucklehead and you’re you and it’s going to happen. And you can’t run and hide because that isn’t going to fix anything. You need to talk to me – yell at me, shout and scream and throw things, I can deal with that, but I can’t deal with silence Rosa. Okay?”

 _Oh Emmett…please be patient with me._ “I’ll try,” I said honestly, tracing the line of hair growing down his belly. He captured my hand in his and brought it up to his mouth and kissed my fingers. I smiled at him, but I was becoming more aware of the dirty tile floor beneath us and the unkempt tangle of my hair so I sat up and reached for my clothes.

“Where are you going?” Emmett asked plaintively.

“I thought there might be somewhere more comfortable than a garage floor available. I have a bed, you know. I mean, only if you’re interested, of course,” I said carelessly. I sounded casual, but I couldn’t stop a quick sideways glance at Emmett and he saw more than I had intended in my eyes. _Please Emmett, I’ve given you my heart…be gentle._

“Hey.” He sat up and his big hands reached towards me. “Rosalie…I’m interested.”

I looked over my shoulder at him, my face still, and he leaned forward until his forehead was resting against mine. I could feel his breath on my face and his eyes were dark. “Baby doll, I love you,” he said seriously. “You’re just gonna have to get used that, because I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” When I didn’t say anything he sighed, and kissed the end of my nose before he added, “And it’s not because of what you just let me do with you either. Not that I don’t want to take you upstairs and do it all over again…oh god, please do I want that!” Emmett laughed for a moment, but then turned serious. “But what I want most is you…just being with you in any way you want.”

His arms wrapped around me and I saw him smile as I gently bumped my forehead against his and bit him teasingly on the shoulder. “Love you Emmett.”

“Mmmm,” He kissed me again, and then handed me the dress which he had been lying on and reached for his trousers.

I pulled the dress on and did up the buttons, then grimaced as I tried to pull my hands through my hair and ran into all the tangles. “I need a hairbrush,” I muttered, trying to tease apart one of the snarls with my fingers.

“Sorry about that,” Emmett said guiltily.

I shrugged and made a face at him. “It’s going to be embarrassing enough having to walk out there past the others without doing it with bad hair,” I said, giving up on the tangles and trying to just smooth it in to some kind of order.

“It’s not bad hair,” Emmett said cheerfully, buttoning his shirt. “It’s just-been-bedded hair, that there’s a difference.”

I gave an outraged snort of laughter. “You’re not helping!” The last thing I want was for my hair to be so obviously the hair of someone who’d been rolling around on a garage floor!

“They don’t have to know anything,” Emmett said doubtfully. “Maybe we’ve just been talking out here.”

I looked at the two of us- quite apart from my chaotic hair my dress was crumpled and my legs were bare, my shoes and stockings still sitting on the floor. Emmett’s pants were creased and his shirt was missing half his buttons where he’d pulled them off in his haste to remove it. I could do nothing but laugh. “Emmett, they know what we’ve been doing! As if they wouldn’t have heard!”

He shook his head. “Come on…”

Even as I laughed at his horrified look I was squirming with my own embarrassment. “Of course they heard! Vampire hearing, remember? Don’t tell me you haven’t heard Carlisle and Esme, and they’re an awful lot quieter than you were!” Mortification burned as I remembered my own noise.

“Jesus!” Emmett looked rattled, and I realised that he really hadn’t thought we’d been overheard. “You’re all so good at pretending to be human that I forget that you’re all freaks.”

“Pretending is what this life is all about,” I muttered.

Emmett made a face at me. “So…is Carlisle going to want to shoot me or something? You know, for messing with you?”

I threw back my head and laughed. Emmett looked so guilty, and the idea of the gentle, bookish Carlisle going after anyone with a shotgun for vengeance was so absurd I couldn’t help it. “No!” I exclaimed. “I’m a grown up girl Emmett, and he’s not my father.” Still giggling, I rose to my feet and looked down at him in amusement. “Come on then, we’ll have to face them sometime.”

I slipped into my shoes and gave him my stockings, which he stuffed out of sight into his pocket before he took my hand. “Okay then baby, let’s go. And remember pretty girl…no shame.”

There was complete silence as the two of us entered the living room. Esme looked to me immediately and I saw the crease of concern in her forehead smooth out as I looked at her and nodded slightly. Seeing I was okay, she went back to her sewing, ducking her head to hide her broad smile. Edward and Carlisle were seated at the table surrounded by medical journals, but I couldn’t even bring myself to look at them as I walked across the room as calmly and decorously as I could, given the circumstances. Only my fingers, clenching tighter around Emmett’s hand in mine, would have given away my inner agitation.

I stopped in the doorway and looked back at them, and suddenly all my embarrassment vanished, replaced by nothing but an uplifting sense of joy and glee, because after everything that had happened here I was, with a family who supported me and Emmett who…oh, I didn’t have the words to say what Emmett was to me! Only one word really, and I suddenly grinned at my family in the living room and said brightly, “I told you when I bought him home he was _mine._ ”

I turned back to face Emmett and he lifted me up in his arms and swept me up the stairs and into my room before we even heard the others laugh.

It was all so wonderful, and I was so happy. On my bed, which really was a lot more comfortable than the garage floor, kissing Emmett, clothes shredded in our haste to be as close as we could be again, everything was just the way I would have wanted it. Until he moved over me again, but this time he made the mistake of holding my wrists together in his big hand and suddenly what he meant as love turned into terror.

 _No!_ I couldn’t bear what felt horribly like restraint, and instinct overrode my rational mind so deeply that I couldn’t even think. Instead I kicked and tried to scream with a throat closed over in fear, only coming back to myself when I was pressed up against the far wall, staring at Emmett with huge eyes.

“Angel…baby…fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t think…” Emmett looked panicked.

“Don’t!” He made a move to come towards me and I cringed, pressing myself hard against the wall. “Just…don’t.”

Emmett sat on the edge of the bed, hand on his thighs, looking at me steadily. I could see the tension in the set of his shoulder, but he smiled at me patiently. “It’s okay baby, I’m staying right here. No one is going to hurt you. You just take your time baby…it’s okay.”

I stood up straight, dropping my shoulders and breathing deeply as I tried to relax. I knew I didn’t need to be afraid, this was _Emmett_ and he _loved_ me…there was no force, and no coercion here. Just Emmett. I drifted across the room to stand in front of him, cupping his face in my hands and looking into his troubled eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It was when I held you? Your wrists? I won’t do that again.” His voice shook.

“Please don’t let this change anything.” I stroked my hands through his hair and he leaned his face against my breasts.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his voice muffled. “I can’t, Rosa girl…just want to make you happy.”

“I know.” I drew his face away so he was looking at me. “I know that Emmett, I trust you.” I kissed him, gently teasing his lips with mine. “I _want_ you to touch me Emmett, I want to be with you like that. I _know_ you won’t hurt me…I just got spooked, that’s all.” I kissed him again, harder, and felt him respond. “I want you.”

“Whatever you want,” Emmett murmured. He looked up me, his eyes dark. “We’ll make it work baby, I promise you…we have all the time in the world to get this right.” And he slid his thighs in between mine so that I was straddling his lap, and he kissed me slowly.

I kissed him back, with my hands in his hair, pressing up against him and loving the way I could make him moan. He slid backwards across the bed, lying on his back with me still sitting over him. “Try this way,” he muttered, stretching his arms up over his head. “This way it’s all on you baby- you’re in control.”

For a moment I felt too exposed with Emmett watching me, but then I moved my hips and found the way to take him into me and it was all I could do not to fall apart right then and there as Emmett gripped the bedhead to stop himself from grabbing me, and I learned what it was like to take the pleasure for myself.

“Sweet Christ baby, you are so fucking beautiful!” he gasped. “Please, baby, please…I want to touch you.”

“Yes,” I muttered, arching my back and moving faster. “Oh yes.” Then his hands and his body and his shuddering bellow of pleasure took me over the edge, and all fear was forgotten.

Later, I rose from the bed and took my hairbrush from the dressing table, looking in amusement at the damage Emmett had done to my bed. Maybe having him hold onto the bedhead instead of me had been a bad idea. He sat up and held out his hand. “Here, give me that.”

“You know how to do hair?” I asked sceptically. My hair didn’t grow- there was no way I was going to let Emmett do anything to it that might damage it. Love only went so far, after all.

“I do,” he said cheerfully, taking the brush out of my hand and patting the bed in front of him so I’d sit down. “I can brush and braid…all kinds of skills I have. You’ve only just begun to see the full extent of my learnings.”

I laughed, sitting still as Emmett untangled my hair with surprising deftness and gentleness. “Oh, I see,” I said teasingly. “And where did you come by such skills?”

“My grandad’s horse farm,” he told me seriously. “Horse hair, girl hair…it’s all kind of the same.”

“Thanks a lot!”

Emmett laughed, and I felt his hands in my hair, dividing it into sections and plaiting with careful concentration. “Just kidding,” he said, wrapping a rubber band around the end of the plait and dropping it over my shoulder, kissing the back of my neck. “There you go, pretty girl.”

I hesitated for a moment, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it if I didn’t ask. “And where did you learn…all that?”

“All what?” Emmett was mystified.

I leaned back into him until we both tipped over into the pile of pillows, then I rolled to face him. I threw my leg over his, opening myself up to him and rubbed against his thigh suggestively. “All _that._ ”

“Jesus, I’m glad I can’t blush anymore!” Emmett exclaimed, making a comical face of embarrassment at me.

I ducked my head and tucked it into his shoulder so I didn’t have to look at him, my finger tracing the smooth silver and the polished amber of the stone on my bracelet- the only thing I was still wearing. I really wanted to know, so I stroked the bracelet and said quietly, “I guess I was just wondering if you left behind a girl or something…”

“Oh no!” Emmett said quickly. “No girl, not like that. I used to go out a lot, but it was just for fun. Nothing serious.” I could sense his growing unease. “I wasn’t exactly an angel Rosa,” he told me soberly. “Not with the girls and not with other things either. I got into a bit of trouble and did some things that…well, probably weren’t the sort of things that the kind of men who came courting you before would have done.” He looked so anxious…as though he thought _I_ might turn away from _him_?

“It’s not as though the kind of men who came courting me before turned out that well for me,” I said, unable to stop the bitterness in my voice. I bit my lip. “I don’t care what you did before Emmett. It can’t have been anything that bad, because you are the best kind of person, inside where it matters.”

His face softened, and he buried his face in my hair, breathing in my scent with a happy growl.

“You never actually answered my question thought,” I said lightly, and I kissed him again, my tongue playing with his until I felt him growing hard and wanting against me again. “Who taught you all that?”

Emmett laughed, his chest vibrating against mine. “Truth?”

I nodded. Whatever it was, I wanted the truth.

Emmett’s hand ran down my back and cupped my bottom, holding my leg over his as he talked. “Well, lots of it just comes natural. You have a pretty girl who’s willing…you work out pretty fast what feels good. As for the rest, well when I went to stay on my Grandad’s farm I learned about a lot more than horses,” he admitted sheepishly. “The year I was fifteen he had a new housekeeper, Nellie, and she thought I was all right. She was a widow and a fair bit older than me and she taught me pretty much all I know about pleasing a woman. You don’t mind, do you? I mean, it was a long time ago and…” His voice trailed off and he looked down at me anxiously.

“I don’t mind,” I said softly. “I just wanted to know.” I reached for his hand and then looked up at him honestly. “You’re here with me now.”

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “I’m here with you now, and I don’t want to be anywhere else at all.” And he wrapped me up in all of his long, strong limbs and kissed me until I was burning once again. “You don’t need to even think about anyone that came before you…my heart’s all yours now.”

 


	17. A Wonderful Time

I lost myself in being with Emmett. I couldn’t get enough of him, all of my senses overwhelmed with the sheer physical reality of the beautiful man in my arms and in my bed. The way he looked as he moved in the throes of passion and then smiled at me, sleepy and blissful as he relaxed. The way he smelled and tasted as I explored his body with my nose and mouth, learning his scent and finding all the sweet sensitive places and what I could do to him. The way he felt under my hands, with his soft curly hair and smooth skin and hard muscles, and the way he felt over and around me, heavy and protective and strong. The way he spoke to me of love, the sound of his teasing laugh, the noises he made when I was touching him or he was inside me or he was coming apart with the overwhelming sensations of his coming.

I never wanted to let him go. I forgot about Edward and Esme and Carlisle going about their lives on the other side of my bedroom door, I forgot about everything but the wonder of what was happening between Emmett and I, the exquisite pleasure he gave me and the way he made me feel so safe and loved.

“You must be thirsty,” I murmured, sitting up on Emmett’s lap and wrapping my legs around him.

“I’m good,” Emmett panted. “I’m…oh, sweet Jesus!” His head fell forward against my shoulder.

I laughed wickedly. “You’ve never been this long without hunting.”

“I…don’t…care…” Emmett could hardly talk with what I was doing to him, and I laughed again and slid off his lap to fall across the bed.

“Oh baby,” Emmett groaned and flopped down beside me. “You’re killing me, you really are. Tell me again why we’ve spent all these weeks NOT doing this?”

I curled up into him, my back against his chest and his arm thrown protectively over me. “Because I’m a neurotic control freak?” I suggested, then giggled suddenly. “I read all Carlisle’s books about this,” I confessed. “I couldn’t…after what happened to me, I didn’t understand how anyone could…I couldn’t understand how what had hurt me so much could be enjoyable. But then - and Lord knows I didn’t want to! - I would overhear Carlisle and Esme and both of them clearly enjoy themselves…” I squirmed in embarrassment. “I don’t like things I don’t understand. So I read all Carlisle’s books…but they didn’t tell me it would be like this.” My body moulded itself easily to Emmett’s, and I breathed in his scent and felt myself more relaxed that I had ever been in this vampire body as I whispered passionately. “They didn’t tell it was possible for there to be _you_.”

Emmett laughed and nuzzled into my neck. “You’re perfect, Rosa girl,” he whispered tenderly. “So absolutely perfect.”

He took my hand and laced my fingers through his, and I pressed his knuckles to my lips and kissed him again.

“My beautiful, strong girl…I’m so glad you killed those fucking animals.” Emmett’s voice cracked. “You don’t have to talk about it, and I won’t again if you don’t want to, but I am so damn proud of you. I am so damn glad to know that they got what they deserved and they’re dead, because I wouldn’t be able to let it go if they weren’t. I couldn’t let anybody hurt my angel and get away with it.”

I rolled over to face him, and looked into his wide, guileless eyes. “I love you,” I said softly. “Thank you for understanding. I’m not sorry I did it. They deserved it- if it hadn’t been me that night it would have been someone else, and if I hadn’t killed them they would have done it again. But knowing that I’m capable of that, that I really _am_ a monster…” I shrugged helplessly.

Emmett growled low, and pressed his forehead against mine. “Not a monster baby…not at all. Just you, and just the way you should be.”

_Oh Emmett…I love that you believe so easily._

I kissed him again, and then reluctantly pushed him away. “You really do need to go and hunt.”

Emmett grimaced. “I hate to admit it, but yeah I really do.” He grabbed me and nuzzled into my neck, scraping his teeth across my skin deliciously. “Please come with me, baby.”

“No.” My answer was firm, not that it stopped Emmett looking at me with imploring eyes.

“Please…I really want you to.”

“And I really don’t want to, and I really don’t want you to push the point either, Emmett,” I snapped.

“Okay, okay, okay…” he grumbled, getting off the bed and looking around. “I don’t have any clothes in here, do I?’

“You have clothes,” I told him, pointing to where his shirt and trousers were half on the floor and half draped over the dressing table. “Whether they have buttons anymore is a separate question altogether.”

Emmett laughed and grabbed them, inspecting them briefly and then balling them up in his hand. “I think Edward would appreciate me wearing something that buttons up and covers what it should, rather than these! If you’re sure you won’t…okay, I’ll stop pestering you about the hunting!” he exclaimed in response to my glare. He stopped at the doorway and smiled at me charmingly. “Stop for now, anyway. But I love you baby doll, I love _all_ of you, and that includes the vampire too and one day you won’t need to hide it from me.”

I took a quick bath and then wandered self-consciously downstairs. Carlisle was at work, and Esme was in the living room sorting out the sweaters she knitted so constantly for charity. Knitting was the one thing she didn’t do at human speed- she rationalised that getting warm clothes to those who needed them was more important than practising her human skills, so she knitted at vampire speed and completed a sweater a day, donating them to charities far and wide. I don’t think there was a needy family in the district who weren’t able to outfit themselves in the thick, luxurious wool garments Esme made.

“I’m just going out for a little while,” I said to her.

“Hunting? Emmett and Edward went north if you wanted to look for them,” Esme offered. “You should have told them to wait for you.”

“I’d rather go alone,” I said, waving to her as I left the room.

Emmett’s scent was strong and clear out in the yard. I breathed it in, finding it mixed with traces of my smell and hints of what we’d been doing together. I had to fight my instincts to follow it and claim him as mine again, but I was thirsty and so I resolutely turned my head in the other direction and made my way alone through the forest to the south. I came across the trail of a bobcat and followed it, stalking silently through the brush until I came in sight of it halfway up a tree in front of me. With only the briefest pause I leapt up and swung towards the cat, which barely had time to spit at me before I had it gripped in my hand and my teeth through its throat.

 _Oh, this is good_ … I sucked hard, drawing in the warm, rich blood and swallowing it fast. Even when the heart stuttered to a stop I continued, draining every last drop before I let the limp body drop to the forest floor far below me. I liked the cats, they were my favourite prey, although I wished they were bigger.

I stood up straight, moving away from the trunk I’d been leaning on, and walked out along the branch, balancing like a tightrope walker. This was the part of being a vampire that I liked, the supreme physical skills and strength that went along with it. That perfect vampire body, cold and hard and unchanging, always thirsting for blood, it mocked my dreams of what my life _should_ have been but I was also half in love with the things it could do. The speed and strength, the perfect balance and physical control of even the tiniest movements… _what I can do with Emmett._ Only half paying attention I swung across to the next tree and then somersaulting to the ground, moving back towards home.

I reached the house before Emmett and Edward came back. I could hear them though- distant shouts and drifts of laughter and the occasional crack of a tree trunk and crash as trees fell in the forest or rocks were smashed. Smiling to myself, I went into the living room and found Esme tinkling at the piano. She looked up and smiled at me.

“Hello Rosalie. Goodness, what are those boys doing out there?”

“Completely unnecessary acts of destruction I would imagine,” I said dryly. I walked over to the window, but they were far enough away that I couldn’t see anything of them.

“I do think Emmett has been good for Edward,” Esme mused, rising from the piano and coming to stand beside me. “Edward has always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and it worried me. He thinks too deeply and takes everything too seriously, and I have sometimes feared that he is not able to just be happy.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes. Yes, yes, Edward was the deep, tormented soul of the family…he’d always been Esme’s favourite.

“But now there’s Emmett and I think he reminds Edward that he is still just a boy at heart,” Esme rambled on. “It’s wonderful to see him let go of his cares and just relax and play like he does with Emmett! Edward really needs to forget himself sometimes, and Emmett seems to have the key for doing that. Of course, it seems Emmett has the key for many things…” She looked at me archly.

That time I did roll my eyes, and turned to face Esme with an exaggerated sigh and look of patience. “Okay Esme…just say it! I know you’re dying to!”

Esme laughed in delight. “Rosalie I’m so _happy_ for you! I wanted it right from the first moment I saw you look at him! All these weeks of watching you two just circle around each other…honestly, I was starting to doubt that you’d ever get there at all, despite all my instincts telling me you were perfect for each other!” She clasped her hands together and smiled at me, her eyes shining.

I shook my head, but I couldn’t help laughing. Esme, with her romantic heart…oh, I was sure that watching Emmett and I had tortured her! “Well, I’m glad you approve, I suppose.”

“I _more_ than approve,” Esme said emphatically. “I wanted this for you so much Rosalie. I admit that I was disappointed at first that you and Edward never…well, we won’t go there. But when you brought Emmett home and I saw you with him during his transformation I knew that this was going to be something special. He wasn’t _quite_ what I would have imagined for you,” and she laughed a little guiltily, “But once I got to know him I knew it was right. He is, really, exactly right for you.”

I made a face, but I couldn’t help nodding because everything Esme said was true. _No one_ would have expected that a spoiled, selfish princess like me would find exactly what she needed in some uneducated redneck hunter from the backwoods…but that was all on the outside. Inside, where it really counted, Emmett was everything I needed even when I didn’t know myself enough to want it, or recognise it when it fell into my hands.

As for Emmett…the miracle that he seemed to love me just took my breath away, and I wanted so much to live up to the way he saw me. A tremor of unease ran through me and I tightened my lips. I knew I had to trust him, I knew I just had to believe what he told me of his feelings, but it was so hard!

Esme touched my hand lightly. “He loves you,” she said simply, as if she knew what I was thinking. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you Rosalie, and I have no doubt that you are everything he wants. I believe he’d find a way to bring you the moon if you asked him for it! He loves you just for being you. I think in many ways it was the luckiest day of his life the day he met that bear and you found him in the woods, because that brought him to you.” She sighed happily. “And now the two of you have found each other! I _am_ pleased, Rosalie, truly I am. It’s been so hard not to interfere though! You _do_ make your own life more difficult sometimes, dear girl.”

I sighed. “I know I do. I’m trying not to though Esme, really I am. And you must admit that I’m better now than I was as a newborn- horrible brat that I was then!”

“Oh dear!” Esme laughed before she said diplomatically. “Well, it was a difficult time for you! I think it’s time you had some happiness though, so I really do wish you and Emmett all the best…I think this is going to be a wonderful time for you both.”


	18. Emmett Falls

“Excuse me.”

As the knock sounded on the bedroom door I stilled, my legs clamping tight around Emmett to immobilise him, and swallowed hard. “Yes?” I said, my voice managing to sound almost normal.

“I’m sorry for interrupting…” Esme sounded like she was halfway to laughter. “But Edward has some things to collect at the post office so we’re going to town in the morning. I know you said you needed to do some shopping Rosalie, so I was wondering if you would like to come with us?”

“No!” Emmett’s voiced sounded strangled.

“Yes!” I said at the same time. “Yes, Esme, I want to come shopping…just give me a minute!”

“Take all the minutes you need.” Okay, so Esme was _definitely_ laughing. “We’re not going until the morning…I just thought you might need plenty of time to get ready.”

“Thank you,” I said breathlessly, listening to her feet move quickly downstairs again, squirming helplessly under Emmett.

“ _Want to come shopping_ ,” Emmett repeated in disgust, lowering his face and nipping at my neck. “I’ll make you want to come…”

“I want both…” I gasped, arching up under him. “You…and shopping… _oh god, yes please_ …” and then for quite some time there was no talking at all.

Eventually though Emmett rolled over on his side, looking down at me with satisfied eyes and running his fingers lazily across my belly, making me shiver. “You don’t _really_ want to go into town, do you?” he said wheedlingly, his hand dipping lower. “Carlisle’s at work, so if Edward and Esme leave we can play and we don’t have to be _quiet…”_ He did something with his fingers that made my eyes roll back in my head with the effort not to scream out.

“I have to go to town,” I told him a moment later, seizing his wrist and holding his hands in mine so he couldn’t touch me. “I need new clothes.” Ignoring the way he was pouting at me I wriggled away and out of bed. “Just look at what you’ve done to my things!” I scolded him, pointing to the pile of clothes in the bottom of the closet that had either lost all their buttons or been torn to shreds. Emmett’s ability to control his vampire strength and be careful decreased in direct proportion to how much of a hurry he was in…apparently getting me naked was not something he could take his time with, as all my ruined clothing over the past weeks testified to.

Emmett grinned at me. “You don’t need clothes. Stay like you are right now.”

I laughed back at him, surveying my naked self in the full length mirror. “As lovely as you might find it, I don’t think Edward and Carlisle would feel the same way.”

“More fool them then,” Emmett remarked, with a sigh. “Oh well, I suppose it won’t kill me.” He stretched, and then slid to his feet in one fluid motion. “Come shower with me? Much as I might want to, I’m not gonna fit in that bathtub with you. I don’t even fit in on my own.”

The idea of Emmett, his beautiful nude body all slick and soapy made me whimper with another surge of involuntarily lust, but I shook my head. “No. If I get in the shower with you we’ll never get in to town. Go downstairs and try and behave yourself!”

Grumbling Emmett disappeared, and I took a quick bath and washed my hair before getting dressed. I could hear the others talking downstairs, and when I was satisfied with the way I looked I headed downstairs to meet them.

It was market day and the town was busy when we arrived. We had to park in a back street, away from the crowds, and for a moment after we left the car we all stood still breathing in the human scent that flowed from the main street. I looked at Emmett, whose brows were lowered, and then glanced uneasily over at Edward, who shrugged at me.

“Esme and I are going to the boutique. I need some new dresses,” I told him. “I need some other things too. It will be very crowded in there today Emmett, you probably shouldn’t come,” I added, a little reluctantly.

“I’ve got to go to the post office,” Edward said. “Do you want to come with me Emmett? I was going to go to the bookstore after, but it’s not important.”

As Emmett shrugged in irritation, I wondered what Edward was hearing from his mind. “I might just hang around…” Emmett said restlessly.

I wished he would go with Edward. Not that Edward had much hope of stopping Emmett if he was overwhelmed with bloodlust, but there was always a chance he’d be able to do something. However in the end we all separated once we reached the main street, Esme and I to one of the clothing boutiques, Edward striding away towards the post office and Emmett wandering aimlessly down the street.

I could take all day to shop, but I was uneasy about Emmett and wanted to get back to him as soon as possible. “He should have hunted before he came into town,” I murmured to Esme, so low that no one else could hear. “He’s thirstier than is good for him with this much temptation.”

Esme nodded. “Well, let’s hurry with the shopping then.” She searched through the racks and found me a few things almost immediately- she had a good eye and knew my tastes.

We were in the second store and Esme was writing out a check when I looked up and saw Edward standing outside. I knew he would not have come to find us unless there was a problem, and I felt my throat tighten.

“It’s Edward,” I said shortly, and Esme looked up sharply and then pushed the check across the counter.

“Thank you,” she said to the clerk, her voice pleasant, and then she took my arm in an iron grip and forced me to walk at a human pace through the store and outside. “Come along Rosalie.”

I was chafing with impatience as we reached Edward, who immediately turned and began walking rapidly, Esme and I at his side.

“What is it?” I asked urgently. “Did Emmett…”

“Yes,” Edward said abruptly. “Two of them.”

I repressed my shudder.

“No one saw him,” Edward continued in a low, intense tone. “He’s hidden them somewhere…I don’t know all the details, Rosalie! We’ll have to see what he’s done to them.”

“I knew he should have hunted before we came,” I said fretfully. “I should have made him.”

As soon as I saw him I flew to his side, heedless of care in my movements. “Emmett!” I took his face in my hands and looked intently into his eyes, the red of them jarring as he looked back with a kind of helpless defiance. “It’s okay. What happened?”

“They were fighting. I cut through the alley to get back to the car and they were out back whaling on each other. They were bleeding.” His voice was flat.

“Oh, Emmett,” Esme murmured sympathetically.

“We need to work something out,” Edward said flatly. “Emmett, show us where they are.” He and I knew we had no time now to spare for emotions.

Emmett head back down the street, but he was moving oddly and Edward gave a quiet groan of frustration. “Were they drunk Emmett?”

“Huh?” Emmett blinked, and I could see that it was more than just the red that made his eyes look different. He was barely focussing.

“Never mind,” Edward muttered with a heavy sigh. “Obviously they were. That’s not going to help. Alcohol affects vampires too, when we take it in with the blood. Not very much, it’s true, but enough so that it’s noticeable if the blood had a high enough concentration. And Emmett drained two of them…” he explained to me with a shrug.

Emmett moaned, and held his head unsteadily. “Edward, just stop, please…” But he kept walking and Edward and I followed him down an alleyway that ran along behind a string of stores, taking us to the middle where we could see the blood stains spattering the stones. The bodies themselves, two men who smelled strongly and sourly of alcohol, were piled under a loading dock, out of sight.

_I’m not sure how we can get these bodies back to the car and out of town. But they were fighting, they were probably thrown out of that hotel for it…people would have seen that and maybe we can make it look like they finished each other off?_

I looked at Edward as I thought, and he nodded shortly. “I agree.”

“If you’re going to talk about me, at least have the damn manners to do it out loud,” Emmett growled aggressively.

I couldn’t help glaring at him. _Just shut up asshole and let me save your skin._ I didn’t bother to say anything aloud, but Edward frowned heavily at Emmett and said, “Rosalie thinks we should try and make it look like they killed each other. If we can do it convincingly it’s a better cover than two men disappearing from town on market day…oh hell.” Edward’s voice cut out and he looked at me, more rattled than I’d seen him in a long time. “Someone’s coming.”

I could hear the footstep too, coming from one end of the alley way. I looked back towards the loading dock, the only place to hide, but it was small and the three of us would never fit with the two bodies already there. I looked at Edward in horror. _We can’t be seen here! Not if we want to leave those bodies here! Unless…_ Revolted by my own idea, I bit my lip. _You hide. If Emmett and I look like we’re…together…they might just ignore us, and think it’s just some whore and her man…_

I knew Edward didn’t like it, it offended his gentlemanly sense of propriety, but there was no time for anything else. “Okay,” he said abruptly. “We don’t have much choice…it seems like the best option.” He vanished under the loading dock.

I backed up until I could feel the heavy wooden supports against my back. I took Emmett’s hand and pulled him over to me, as he looked down at me with bleary eyes.

“What…?” he mumbled. “Rosalie, I don’t know…”

“Shut up,” I whispered gently. “Just do what I tell you Emmett…kiss me.” I reached up and curled my hands in his hair, drawing his face towards mine until I could catch his lips in mine. His initial surprise abating, Emmett responded, and I grabbed his hand and placed it firmly on my thigh. Still kissing me he slid it further up, his fingers slipping into my knickers and his hand curving around my ass.

_Fuck you for making me cheapen what we had Emmett!_

“Two hands,” I hissed into his mouth, and as his other hand cupped my ass I let him take my weight so that I could wrap my legs around him. For a moment as he pushed against me and rubbed me against the buttons of his fly I felt my body respond, but then three men staggered past and my soul burned as I heard the whistles and catcalls and laughter as they leered at what I had out on display.

I felt Emmett stir, half turning his head to confront them, but I hadn’t put myself in this vulnerable position just to let him screw it up. _“Please Emmett, just do this…”_ I kissed him hard, feeling my teeth on his lip and fighting the urge to bite hard, and then he shivered and kissed me back as my hair fell to the side and obscured our faces from sight.

“They’re gone.”

As soon as I heard Edward’s voice I let go of Emmett’s hair and shoved him back so that I could stand, yanking my dress back down and smoothing it out with shaking hands. I didn’t look at Emmett.

“It worked too,” Edward said to Emmett, and I heard the note of warning in his voice, but I didn’t want to know what Emmett was thinking _._ “They won’t even remember anything about you…they’ll remember her legs and they’re not going to connect that with anything.”

_Good to know I play such a convincing whore._

Furious, not even quite sure where all my rage was directed, I dragged out the two bodies, assessing the mess Emmett had made of their necks. _It’s not obviously a bite mark,_ I thought doubtfully. _We might be able to make it look like a messy sort of knife wound?_

Edward nodded at me. “Check the pockets.”

Fighting back revulsion I forced my hand into one of the men’s pockets and found the knife I had expected him to be carrying then, side by side with Edward, examined the wounds in their necks more closely. _Can we make it look like they did it in a fight?_

“We might be able to make it look like it,” Edward said, although he wasn’t confident. “Maybe enough that they’ll take it at face value…they both reek of drink, so that’s something.”

“It needs to look more like a knife wound,” I murmured thoughtfully. I had clamped down on my emotions and was now feeling as cold and hard as an automaton as I lifted the dead man’s head by his hair and sliced the blade across the mess Emmett had made of the man’s skin. Behind me I heard Emmett gag and for a moment I looked at him, my face expressionless. _For you Emmett…I am doing this for YOU._

“Rose…” His face was agonised, but I shook my head and turned back to my grisly task, taking the knife Edward passed me and making a similar hack job on the other man so that both of them were now adorned with what appeared to be stabbing and slicing wounds. Finished, I dropped the knives with a clatter and stood up, flexing my fingers and staring at what I’d done.

“It might work,” Edward said quietly. “Hard to know how thoroughly it will be investigated.”

“It’d know it’s staged,” I said flatly. “But what else are they going to think? The truth is hardly believable.” _You know no one ever wants to face the truth of monsters in their midst._

Edward’s face suddenly cleared. “Carlisle is coming. Thank goodness! Esme must have gone to the hospital to fetch him.”

The two of them were hurrying towards us. Esme went right to Emmett, who was slumped against the fence with his head hanging, but Carlisle came and stood beside Edward and I, surveying the scene we had just set.

“Not bad,” he said cautiously. “It might work.”

“Rose’s idea,” Edward said succinctly. “She’s done what she can to eliminate the bite marks.”

“And no one has seen you?”

I gritted my teeth as a wave of disgust and self loathing flooded me. “Some men saw me playing the whore- or at least that’s what they’ll remember, according to Edward.”

“That’s what they saw,” Edward said, and his tone was almost apologetic as he glanced at me. “It was inevitable that they would see us, so Rosalie made it look…well, never mind. But I saw their minds and all they really saw was her, Emmett didn’t even register.”

I couldn’t stop the low hiss, but Carlisle just gave me a steady half smile. “Good girl. We do what we have to do.” He checked his watched. “Well, it will have to do. You all need to get home as soon as you can. These bodies will be brought into the hospital morgue and if we’re lucky it will be assigned to me.”

“Carlisle works as a medical examiner for the police,” Esme told Emmett quietly. She was holding his arm and began to lead him back towards the car. “Come, we need to get home.”

Carlisle followed them, but Edward reached out towards me for a minute, his face strained. “Rosalie, don’t dwell on…what you did here today. It was for Emmett, and it doesn’t…reflect…on who you are…” For once even Edward was stumbling, not wanting to upset me with his words, hearing my emotions that were too strong and too fraught to speak of them clearly.

I couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t even think, with my self control stretched to breaking point. _I can’t, Edward…I just…_ I turned away from him before I broke, and stalked back to the car.

No one spoke as we drove home. In the back seat Emmett sat slumped in the corner, arms folded and face averted as he stared out the window. Beside him Esme’s face was creased with sympathy and concern as she looked at him, and in the front seat Edward sat like a statue, only his fingers tapping restlessly on his leg giving away his inner agitation. I drove, staring ahead, my face blank and my thoughts in turmoil. 


	19. Loving Me Anyway

Once we reached home I was out of the car and up the stairs, locking myself in the bathroom before anyone else had even moved. With shaking hands I ran the tub, the steam from the hot water billowing through the room and fogging up the mirror and windows as I stripped off my clothes and stared down at myself.

This body, so overtly feminine and desirable, that had seemed to define me from the time it started to transform from that of a child to that of a woman. I had watched it happen with a kind of terrified delight, as my hips and breasts swelled and my belly flattened and my legs lengthened and suddenly the whole world seemed to judge me by it. Not just a pretty girl with a sharp mind after that, as I had been as a child…I was a woman that men wanted and other women were envious of, and it seemed like it all came back to the same thing, the big breasts and long legs and pretty face, and nothing I might be beyond that mattered.

_Just a thing to possess, a thing to look at and judge and take if it’s what they want and it doesn’t matter what I want…Royce and his friends and now those men who looked at me today and believed I was a whore, as much because of what I look like as because of what I was doing…_

With a choked, tearless sob, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good, that it had never done any good before, I tried once again to scrub that impervious vampire skin and make myself feel clean.

_It doesn’t work! It’s never going to work…nothing can help this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it…_

_Emmett._

At the thought of him I shuddered, and then slid down in the water, my hands still. Emmett, who had worshipped my body and taken pleasure in it, but never selfishly. Emmett, who had held me in his hands like a gift and unwrapped me so tenderly…not just wanting the pretty outside but loving what was inside too.

_Emmett, I need you._

I was out of the tub and dried in moments, slipping a dress on but not bothering with my underwear before I stepped silently downstairs. From the stairs I could see into the living room, where Emmett lay sprawled on his belly in front of the fire, his head turned away. I reached the bottom step just as Carlisle returned from the hospital and I waited to hear what he had to say.

“It should be okay. They brought them in this evening, and the police believe it was a knife fight. They’re both known for drunken violence, so I don’t think the authorities are interested in looking further. I’ve signed off on the deaths and they will be released to the families. There shouldn’t be anything else officially said about the manner of death.”

So our ruse had worked. I felt a flicker of relief, and I could tell that Carlisle, Esme and Edward did too. From Emmett, still lying in front of the fire, there was no sound or movement.

I followed the others into the study, where Carlisle was talking in a low voice to Esme and Edward. “They didn’t find them for an hour or two after you left, and there were rats in the alleyway...some of the hospital staff looked a little more closely than I would like, but the police seem satisfied,” Carlisle looked weary. “You did a good job Rosalie and Edward.”

Edward grimaced, and I leaned against the doorframe, curling a piece of hair around my finger. “Would you three mind going out for a little while?” I asked softly. “I need…” My voice drifted off. _I need Emmett. I need to be with him, I need him to want me and love me and show me that does…_ I knew Edward would have heard my thoughts and I closed my eyes for a minute, ashamed, but to my surprise when Edward answered his voice was gentle and understanding.

“Of course, Rosalie. I think some privacy would be good for both you and Emmett.”

 _Thank you Edward._ I tried to smile at the three of them as they left the study and vanished into the forest, and I stood for minute in the quiet house, listening to the noises of the fire and the gentle creaking of the house timbers settling before I walked with slow steps towards the living room.

“Emmett.”

I saw the ripple go through his body as he became aware of my presence, but he didn’t turn his head to me. “Emmett, please look at me.” I couldn’t keep the need from my voice.

Emmett rolled over, and the face he offered up to my gaze was grief stricken.

“The others have gone out hunting,” I told him quietly. “I told them to go. I need you Emmett.” Never taking my eyes off him I undid the buttons on my dress and let it fall, laying myself bare to his gaze and hearing the tiny noise of desire he couldn’t suppress. I dropped to my knees beside him, still looking into his red, hurt eyes. “I need you,” I whispered.

“Tell me what you want baby,” Emmett said, and he touched my thigh with his big gentle fingers, running them over my skin.

“I want you,” I said shamelessly, unbuttoning his shirt and caressing his chest and belly, feeling the smooth skin and the light dusting of hair. I curved my hand around the side of his face, and my voiced trembled. “Love me, Emmett.”

“You know I always do,” he answered tenderly, and I let my face lower to his as he pulled me close and kissed me. I kissed him back, tongues and teeth and lips against his, and then silently, aggressively, kissed my way down his body, pulling his clothes off as I did so to reveal his beautiful bareness. I loved the taste of his skin, and I loved the way I could make him react. I flicked his nipple with my tongue and made him jump, and then nipped at him with my teeth, just on the right side of pain, making him draw his breath in sharply. As I was kissing him I slid my hands down lower, over the perfectly sculpted abdomen and along the bulging muscle in his thigh, feeling the way he moved his thigh to nudge my hand closer to his groin.

His hand stroked down my back, over the ticklish spot, and I arched my back away and looked at him, seeing once again the tender passion in his face that made my knees go weak.

“I love you baby,” he said, and his voice was barely more than a whisper.

“I need to be with you,” I said hoarsely. “You’re everything to me.” I kissed his ribs, then kissed down his belly, inhaling his scent and tasting his skin until I was low enough to open my mouth and take him into me that way. I loved the way he groaned, and the way he reached down to pull my hair away so he could watch me, and the way his hands trembled against my head as his climax came. I loved the long moments afterwards too, when I lay with my cheek against his hip and he stroked my hair and back with gentle hands as his body shivered.

Rising to my knees, I slid over his belly so I could sit astride him. His eyes went dark as he looked up at me, and he smiled at me with all the softness and love I needed so desperately.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “I don’t know whatever I did in my life that means I get to be here with you now, but damn it baby, I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.” His hands stroked my inner thighs, eventually touching the apex of my legs, finding me wet and warm and wanting there, his finger sliding in easily to rub me where it would give the most pleasure.

“I want to be with you.” I leaned forward, staring at him intently and kissing him hard. My hair fell down on either side of my face, holding us in a tiny, intimate world of just the two of us. “You and I…this is good, Emmett.” I didn’t know if it was a statement or a prayer, as I slid myself backwards and let his hard cock fill me.

“Perfect,” Emmett breathed, and his eyes were glowing with warmth and love. “ _You_ are perfect.”

_You make me so, with your love and your belief and…oh, Emmett, how is it that you love me? How can I have been so lucky as to find you?_

I moved on him slowly, letting the sensations build. I loved to take him like this. I loved the way he filled me, the way he watched me with dark, desiring eyes as I sat above him so blatantly taking my own pleasure, the way I could tease him with my breasts and hair and ass…I began to move faster and he joined me, thrusting up to meet me and making me moan. Emmett had one hand on my hip and the other one slid in between us, his fingers fumbling at where we were joined until he had me crying out, grinding against his hand and his cock as I flung my head back and screamed at the end, all my thoughts scattering and vanishing as I sank into the waves of receding pleasure between us.

I lay with my head on his chest, my legs on either side of him as Emmett caressed me.

“I love to see you like that,” he told me dreamily. “I love to see you feeling that pleasure, and I love to be the one to give it to you.

“I needed to be with you tonight,” I said softly. “You know, you’re the only person in my whole life who has ever given me anything without expecting something in return.”

Emmett’s hands stopped for a moment, before resuming his light, soothing strokes across my skin. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

I sat up on Emmett’s belly, and he obligingly bent his knees so that I could lean back against his legs. I combed through my hair for a minute, not looking at Emmett as I searched for the right words to explain what I was feeling. “I had to be with you tonight,” I said at last. “After today, after what I did in that alleyway…”

“I am so sorry about that,” Emmett’s voice trembled with shame. “I am so sorry that I failed again and that you had to be involved.”

He had misunderstood. I shook my head and touched his belly with my fingertips. “No, I don’t mean what you did. I mean, that’s not…it’s not great, but it’s not what I’m talking about. I mean when those people were going past, and I kissed you.”

I could see him realising where my thoughts were, and he winced. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I had to be with you now,” I said, bare and brutally honest. “I had to use my body to make me feel good instead of dirty. I had to be with you, who loves me and gives without expecting anything in return, and who takes what I offer like it’s a gift instead of an entitlement.”

I looked down at Emmett’s face, all love and concern, and then I looked away as I continued, my voice small and thin with hurt. “I know what I look like Emmett. I know what people…men…think about when they see me. They _don’t_ see me. They see this face and this body, and I’m just an object to them – something they want to possess or use. It was like that my whole life. Nothing more than my looks and how they could be used to get me what I wanted. Not just by me, but how other people could use me, use my pretty face, to get what they wanted too – my parents, the men who came courting, even Carlisle…do you think I would be here now if I were plain? He saved me because I was beautiful, whether he acknowledges that or not.”

Emmett reached towards me, and I let him bring me down so he could hold me close, trying to soothe a lifetime of hurt with his big strong body and loving heart.

“The way I look was always the most valuable thing I had,” I went on quietly. “The only thing I had, really. And in the end it wasn’t enough, and I was punished for my vanity in thinking it was, because it was my looks that made Royce notice me. If he had never noticed me then maybe none of that…”

“Stop.” His voice was almost harsh, but the fingers he placed on my lips to stop me talking were soft and loving. “Don’t, Rosa girl,” he went on more quietly. “Don’t ever think that what happened to you was a punishment for anything you did. It had nothing to do with you, it was all on them. Sometimes people are evil and do bad things, and it was nothing more than a random and unfortunate chance that you got caught up in it.”

“They made me feel like nothing,” I whispered, and the words almost hurt as I forced them out from where they had been festering in my mind. “That night- I was just a thing to them. And then today, when I put myself out there, all legs and ass, my body again just an object for men to gawk at…I felt like that again.” I pressed my forehead hard against Emmett’s chest. “That’s why I had to be with you now- because you’re the only person who has ever bothered to look further than the outside and loves me anyway. You let me be whatever I am and you still love me; you take what I offer like it’s a gift and not just something you’re owed, and you give just to make me happy. No one else has ever done that for me Emmett, not ever.”

“Oh, sweet girl,” Emmett crooned, kissing me on the top of my head. “You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, you know that? I love you, I love everything about you, and I love that I get to be here with you. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He laced his fingers through mine and breathed in my smell before adding, a little awkwardly, “I’m sorry about today. I know I messed up again. I’m trying, I really am, but it’s so fucking difficult! I wouldn’t have put you in that position for the world, I hope you believe that.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I know you didn’t mean to – it IS hard to control, especially when you’re not expecting to be confronted with it.”

“But everyone else does it!” He sounded like a petulant child, and I guess he could tell because he couldn’t help laughing at himself. “I just feel so useless!”

I laughed too. “Yes, but look who you’re comparing yourself too! Carlisle is perfect at everything, I’m a complete control freak, and Edward’s possibly the most repressed person that has ever existed!”

Emmett laughed comfortably. “At least I’ve got Esme on my side.”

“Yes. And living this way…it sounds ridiculous to say, because we are so unnatural ourselves, but it’s _not_ natural for our kind to live like this. Vampires have been around since the dawn of time and we’re fighting thousands of years of conditioning…you do well to resist at all Emmett.” I stretched, pushing the thought of the more… _traditional_ vampires I’d meet out of my mind.

Emmett was looking down at me. “You feel better now, Rosa girl?”

“Yes.” I bit gently at his lower lip, feeling his body stir again. “I just wanted to be with you, without everyone else overhearing everything.”

Emmett licked my neck, biting at my collarbone as his hands roamed freely across my body. “I like hearing you make noise,” he said hoarsely, raising dark eyes to mine. “I like fucking you, and seeing you let go…” He kissed his way down my body, and I breathed deeply and gave myself over to him, as he kissed and licked and teased. “I like to make you squirm, pretty girl, and I like making you feel so good that you scream…I think I want to do that again…” And then he did things with his lips and tongue and hands that made me turn myself inside out and forget about everything but the way he made me feel. Wanted, needed, desired, cherished…and above all else, very deeply loved.

 


	20. The Way It Should Have Been

“They’re come back,” I said musingly, as I heard Carlisle, Esme and Edward approaching us through the forest, walking slower than usual and talking just a little bit louder.

“I think they’re trying to let us know they’re on their way,” Emmett said, a little regretfully.

“Yes.” I sat up and began gathering our clothes together. “I think they’d prefer not to walk in on us like this.” Of course I’d practically told Edward that I wanted them to leave so I could get down to business with Emmett in private, but it was one thing to have it implied, it was quite another to face the evidence. I handed Emmett’s trousers across and pulled on my dress. “Which is fair enough really. I’m going upstairs to sort myself out.”

I left Emmett half dressed in front of the fire and retreated to my room to add some underwear and untangle my hair. I was only half listening to the conversation in the living room until I heard Edward, and then I froze, my brush halfway through my long hair.

“So Emmett, do you have any plans to make an honest woman out of her?”

_What the hell are you doing, Edward?_

“What?” Emmett sounded blank.

“Are you going to marry her?” Edward wasn’t backing off.

“What the hell?” Emmett voiced my own thoughts. “Really Edward, you think _today_ of all days is the day to talk about that?”

“Hey, you’re the one lying here with your flies undone and the whole room smelling like sex…”

 _As if that’s any of your damn business!_ I was out the door and halfway down the stairs to tell him what I thought of his interference when I stopped, hearing Carlisle’s words of reproof.

“Edward, enough. It’s not your business.”

I stopped and sat down on the stairs, hugging my knees and blatantly listening now. Marrying Emmett? I had never even thought of it. Marriage? Here in this world of monsters and myth and blood, to do something so very human as have a wedding?

“Sorry,” Edward said. “That was crude and I apologise.”

“Jesus, nosy much?” Emmett sounded rattled.

“Not that I’m not curious to know the answer…” Carlisle went on, his tone light and teasing. “It’s pretty clear to the rest of us how much you love her…”

“It’s not about how much I love her,” Emmett’s voice was angrier than I had ever heard it. “You say I should marry her to make an ‘honest woman’ out of her? What’s honest about any of this? I can’t support her, we’re living here on your money; she still won’t let me see her feed which is a pretty damn big part of her that she’s hiding; and I couldn’t stand up in front of a preacher and say ‘I do’ without fucking ripping his throat out and eating him…I don’t give a shit what any of you say, until she’s open with me, and until I can stand up like a man and make my vows without a fucking massacre in the church I’m not doing anything.”

I half stood up, wanting to go and comfort him. _Emmett, you are all the man I want, just as you are._

“Emmett,” Edward said placatingly. “I’m sorry. I was just teasing.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Emmett grumbled. “I just don’t think any of that really makes a damn wedding a good idea.”

“Emmett, I don’t like to think that you’re feeling beholden to us. We love having you and Rosalie as part of the family- I know this isn’t a conventional family, but what about our lives is conventional? Please don’t give any more thought to the money. It’s family money, there to be used; and I feel that it’s as much yours as it is mine,” Carlisle said seriously.

“And your control is getting better all the time,” Edward contributed. “It wasn’t good today, admittedly, but they were bleeding which makes it a different story. It’s not as though you snatched two random people off the street, after all. you went down to the sale yards and moved around in that crowd without incident…I know you feel useless Emmett, but for the most part you’re doing really well.”

I smiled to myself, touched by how much Carlisle and Edward cared for Emmett. My smile widened as I heard Emmett’s mournfully confused voice ask, “What are you doing? Trying to convince me to marry her?”

Edward laughed. “No! Seriously, I was really just teasing before. And now I’m trying to make you feel better about today…not very successfully it would seem. Although,” he added sheepishly. “I probably should say that Rosalie’s overheard most of this conversation and I’m pretty sure she will want you to marry her.”

 _Know-it-all!_ I mentally shouted, half laughing and half exasperated. _What are you doing to my Emmett? Stop interfering!_

“Living with a telepath really bites sometimes,” Emmett muttered. A moment later he raised his voice slightly, “Rosalie, do you want me to marry you?”

I laughed gently. “Maybe…if you ask me properly.” Truthfully I’d never considered marriage as even being an option for me in this cursed vampire life. But then, how could I ever have guessed that there could be Emmett, someone whose love was strong enough to help me heal my damaged and broken heart? For a moment I imagined it, Emmett and I, and gripped my hands together as I felt how much I might want it. I wouldn’t tell him though, certainly not right at that point…I’d be damned if I was getting a proposal at the hands of interfering Edward!

“You’re all cracked, you know that?” Emmett stomped out of the living room and into the yard. “You can all just get stuffed!” he flung over his shoulder at us, and I grinned to myself and went back up to my room.

I was reading on the bed when Emmett returned. He grinned at me from the end of the bed, taking hold of my bare foot and biting my toes. I kicked him in the stomach and snorted with laughter. “Leave off!”

Emmett threw himself on to the bed beside me. It groaned ominously and I thought with sudden flicker of embarrassment that we’d probably need another new bed before too much longer. I placed my book mark in between the pages and then rolled onto my side, looking at Emmett thoughtfully. “Emmett…” I said softly.

Emmett made a noise that was almost a whimper. “For the love of God Rosalie, please don’t get into anything heavy now. Baby, today…yesterday…who the hell knows how to measure time when you never get to _sleep_ …I’m not a thinker, and so much shit has gone down that I just…”

I had never seen him so agitated, with all his good humour seemingly lost under a wave of overwhelmed unhappiness. I placed my hand on his mouth and looked at him worriedly. “It’s okay Emmett.”

“I love you,” he said, desperately. “Right now that’s all I know Rosa girl…the rest of my life is such an insane mess, I don’t know how to deal with anything, but I do know that I love you.”

I couldn’t even begin to tell Emmett how much I loved him right at that moment. After all we had been through just today… “I know we can’t sleep,” I said slowly. “But we can pretend. Close your eyes.”

I cradled his head against my breast, stroking my fingers through his soft curly hair as he sighed. As I kept running my hands over his head, humming lightly, I felt him relax, his big body resting heavily against mine as he breathed in a slow, steady rhythm. I felt myself sinking down with him, feeling boneless and relaxed in a way that was as close to sleep as I had ever come as a vampire. _I love you, my beautiful Emmett._

I don’t know how long we lay there, floating on that sense of contentment together, but eventually I felt Emmett shift slightly, and then lay his hand tentatively on my belly, his fingers spread wide.

“We can’t have a baby, can we?”

 _Oh, Emmett…please don’t._ My whole body went taut. “What makes you ask that?”

He nuzzled his head into me, his hands gathering me together. “I was just thinking that you would have made a good mama, Rosa girl.”

His words, spoken in a soft, uncertain tone sliced through all the layers I had built up over that most secret and painful of hurts, and cracked me wide open. _A baby, my own baby, Emmett’s baby…_ I gave an almost inhuman keening noise of agony, and then Emmett’s arms wrapped around me and held me tight, holding me together while the pain of my lost dreams threatened to tear me apart.

He kissed and petted and loved on me, almost frantic to see me through this suffering over something he had not even known was there. It wasn’t something I ever talked about, the babies I had always wanted and the dream of motherhood that my vampire change had forever snatched from my reach. I could not cry, but I shivered and writhed with tearless sobs as Emmett did what he could to soothe me.

Finally the worst of it was over, and I lay limply in his arms, staring down at my hands, almost afraid to face him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be sorry,” Emmett said, his voice hoarse with suppressed emotion. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling something Rosa.”

“There won’t ever be a baby,” I said bleakly. “Not for me.”

“That’s okay.” Emmett ran his hand through my hair and kissed the hollow of my throat. “As long as I have you, nothing else matters.”

But it did matter. To me it would always matter, and even as Emmett tightened his hold on me I shook with the grief of loss all over again.

“I didn’t know,” he said slowly, when I was finally quiet. “I didn’t know that you felt that way.” He took my face between his big hands almost reverently, tipping it back until I was forced to look at him. “My beautiful angel, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Because there was no point,” I said dully. “I can’t have a baby, and it doesn’t matter how much I want it. And it hurts worse now than it did before, because now it’s _you…_ ”

I stopped talking. I had always wanted to have a baby and be a mother, and learning after my vampire transformation that it would never happen had left me enraged, and with a  deep and abiding bitterness that I couldn’t shake. But then had come Emmett, and my dream babies suddenly all had blue eyes and their daddy’s dimples and along with the anger and bitterness I added grief to my burden of unhappiness. Because I wanted it all so badly, had always wanted it, and now I would live eternity without ever being able to experience that. I would never walk through the world feeling that I held a glorious secret deep inside me, I would never be able to tell Emmett that he was going to be a daddy, I would never feel life moving in my belly and experience that most everyday miracle of birthing a brand new person.

“I wanted to be a mother and have babies of my own all my life,” I said to him. “That was hard enough to accept that it would never happen, but now I have _you_ and that makes it worse, because now all those wishes have a face. I think about you and I and the way it _should_ be- babies and having a family of our own, and then our babies growing up and having babies of their own, so that one day I would be able to sit with you, both of us old and grey haired and surrounded by all our family, and I would be able to _see_ what we had done with our lives and how we had made it mean something. But it will never be like that Emmett…it is always just going to be you and me, caught forever in this frozen adolescence.”

“I didn’t know,” Emmett said again, and his eyes on me were troubled. “I didn’t know you wanted that, and I didn’t know that we couldn’t have it.” He moved restlessly. “I mean, I know we don’t change or grow, you’ve all told me that…but I guess I didn’t really think about what that meant.” His fingers twitched against my belly as he frowned reflectively. “I know we’ve been doing what brings babies! And doing an awful lot of it too, my beautiful girl…but it wasn’t until just now that I thought about how long it’s been, and that you haven’t bled like girls do and I just got to thinking.”

Once again I was surprised by the way open and natural way Emmett spoke of things my own mother had been too embarrassed to discuss with me. “I don’t bleed,” I told him slowly. “This body…when it transformed it all froze. We don’t grow and we don’t change, and I would need to do both of those things to carry a baby.”

Emmett sighed as he brushed his lips across mine. “I thought that might be it. I’m sorry angel girl. I would do…anything… _everything_ …possible to make you happy, if it were only in my power.”

“I know.” I kissed the curve between his neck and shoulder and rested my head against his chest as I said a little wearily, “It doesn’t matter in the end, it is the way it is…we can’t do anything about it.”

“Just make the most of what we do have,” Emmett murmured. “You and me…god I love you. Always baby, I will love you always.” And once again he kissed me and I gave myself over to him, trying to forget in the sweetness of becoming one with him all that we had lost in exchange for this life of immortality. 


	21. The Real in the Mythological

I frowned at my papers in irritation. Why had I ever elected to read history when I enrolled in college? I stabbed my pencil at the offending textbook, only just managing to stop myself before I impaled the book and staked it to the table.

“Not very interesting, Rosalie?” Esme asked with a smile, as she passed by with her newest novel, one I had put a claim on to read next once she finished with it. I eyed her bookmark- good, I would get it later that day.

“Not really,” I told her dispiritedly. “I shouldn’t have done history. Certainly not with this professor anyway…I don’t know how they can possibly make _everything_ seem boring, but they do it.”

“Where’s Emmett?” Esme asked, settling into the armchair.

“Outside somewhere,” I answered with a grin. “He’s sulking…he had other things in mind for this afternoon besides me writing my history term paper.”

Esme giggled, and then quiet descended as she began reading and I went back to work. I was glad for my vampire speed and memory as I sped through the uninteresting reference material and scribbled out the necessary number of words. I’d ask Carlisle to read it later and make sure it was of an appropriate standard. As I finished and began packing up my books I heard the car pull up on the driveway. Carlisle was home from work. I headed upstairs with my things, hearing Carlisle stop on the porch to talk to Edward. The tone was low and serious, but it wasn’t until I was up in my room and saw through my window the flash of Emmett joining them that I paid attention.

“Oh Emmett,” Carlisle said. “Edward and I were just discussing whether perhaps it’s time to move on from here.”

“Move?” Emmett said in surprise. “Why?”

“There was…talk at the hospital today,” Carlisle said after an interminable pause. “The police are satisfied with the knife fight as an explanation for those deaths, but the bodies were seen by a number of people yesterday and, well…it seems as though someone had suspicions.”

It felt like my heart seized up. Suspicions, after what Emmett had done yesterday…the gossip of a small town could be brutal, and for us far too dangerous to risk. No humans could hurt us, but if word of any indiscretions on our part reached the ears of the Volturi…I didn’t want to think about what they might do to us if we displeased them.

“You want to move because of me.” Emmett sounded appalled.

“It’s just a precaution. We really couldn’t be connected with anything, but it may be just as well for us to move on,” Edward said with slightly forced casualness.

“Are you thinking we ought to move on?” Esme had joined the discussion and, still listening, I headed downstairs.

“Possibly,” Carlisle said lightly. “I don’t know if the talk will come to anything.”

“I’d rather be safe than sorry,” Esme said firmly.

“It just seems like such a big thing,” Emmett said guiltily. “I am so sorry to have messed this up for you.”

“Really Emmett, it’s not such trouble,” Edward said sincerely. “We’re used to moving around, and we’ve been here since we came back from Europe last year. Carlisle can work anywhere, and frankly I’ve missed so many days in the past months that I don’t know if they’ll allow me to graduate anyway.”

I stepped silently out of the porch and glided over to stand beside Emmett. I couldn’t be near him without touching him, and I traced my hand down his back and laced his fingers through mine. “I wouldn’t be devastated not to finish this history degree,” I said with a smile, making Edward laugh.

“I think you should take up mathematics next time,” he told me conspiratorially. He knew I much preferred the math I had taught myself out of his old books than the history I found so dull.

“So, you agree then?” Carlisle asked, looking around at everyone. “Time to move on? It may not be necessary, but I don’t like some of the rumours I heard today.”

The rest of us nodded. In the hospital Carlisle overheard a lot, and while he was a very cautious man he wasn’t one to panic unnecessarily. If Carlisle felt that the rumours were dangerous or getting out of hand, we wouldn’t oppose him.

“Where would you…we…go?” Emmett asked uncertainly.

“We own several properties,” Carlisle said thoughtfully. “We can buy something else, if we’d prefer. The New York property…”

“No,” I didn’t even let him finish his thoughts. “Not New York.”

“No, it hasn’t been long enough,” Esme said hastily. “There’s Chicago though, that might work.”

I felt a momentary flash of excitement at the idea of a city again, but Edward shook his head as his eyes strayed briefly to Emmett. “Not in the city, I don’t think. We need something like we have here- smaller town, isolated property.”

Of course, we couldn’t take Emmett to a city. Not now.

“How do you feel about Oregon?” Carlisle offered. “My agent wrote to me about a property that’s recently come on the market up there; you know I always have him on the lookout for something that we might like. This place has an enormous house and is surrounded by wilderness- I believe the hunting will be quite good.”

Edward, Esme and I agreed it sounded like it had possibilities. Emmett just shrugged apathetically and turned away as Carlisle and Esme began discussing the practicalities. I looked after him thoughtfully.

The move was arranged quickly. Within days the paperwork was done for the purchase, and Carlisle had resigned from the hospital and made inquiries into work opportunities. Esme demanded extensive measurements and photographs of the new house and began planning some redecoration, discussing colour and style with me endlessly.

Emmett was quiet and brooding. His actions in the alleyway continued to hang heavy on his heart, and his confidence in his ability to resist temptation had been badly shaken.

“Come on,” I said quietly, one day in the late afternoon. “You need to practice.”

Emmett, sprawled out on the mattress on the floor that was all that remained of our bed, didn’t look up from his book. “Not now.”

“Yes, now.” Quick as thought I pounced and had the book out of his hand and was on the other side of the room before he could react.

“Rosalie!”

I dropped the book onto the dressing table. “We’re going in to town. I need new stockings.”

Emmett scowled furiously, but he knew that it was only going to get better with practice so he rose to his feet and stormed out of the house. I caught up with him sitting in the car, his face dark and his hat pulled low to hide his read eyes.

He was tense and jumpy once we reached town, and I couldn’t help but be affected by it, being unfairly snappy to the saleslady and glaring at anyone who dared to even look at me.

“Calm down,” I hissed to him as I paid for my purchases and waited for them to be bagged.

“I can’t,” Emmett returned through gritted teeth. “If I calm down then I relax and who knows what will make me snap? You want a massacre in here?”

“You’re not going to snap!” I snarled, too low for the sales assistant to hear as she handed me my bag, although something in my face made her hand tremble. “You’re being as overly dramatic as Edward is about everything!”

Emmett narrowed his eyes at me and strode out of the store. I gave both of us a minute to calm down before I followed him, finding him halfway down the street, leaning against a blank wall with arms folded. For a moment I looked at him, feeling all my irritation melt away under a blaze of love.

“Emmett,” I said softly, moving to stand in front of him, twining my arms around his neck and pressing against him, not caring who might be watching. “Please…I’m sorry for pushing you.”

With an unhappy groan the tension left him and Emmett wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair, breathing deeply. “I’m sorry baby. I know you’re right- I have to do it and it’s not going to get any easier if I don’t practice!” He pulled his head back enough to look at me, his face bleak and ashamed. “I hate being such a liability. I hate that you have to babysit me…kinda hard to feel like a man when everyone knows I’ve got no more control than a little kid, you know?”

 _Oh, beloved…_ I kissed him softly. “You’re doing it all the time Emmett. The other day was a _mistake_ , that’s all. No one doubts you can do this, I’m just here to help you, but you’re strong and capable and you’re doing the hard work on your own.” I kissed him again, letting my tongue dance teasingly across his full lower lip. _So you want to feel like a man then?_ “Come on, let’s go home.”

Emmett still felt guilty about the move, and tried to make up for what he felt was trouble on his behalf by packing. However his carelessness led to one too many things broken, and eventually Esme just threw up her hands and ordered him outside. Coming into my room with boxes a little later, she smiled at me conspiratorially. “Please go and cheer him up Rosalie. I feel badly for making him feel bad, but I can’t have him breaking all the crystal- I’m rather fond of some of the pieces!”

Giggling, I slipped downstairs and out to the porch, where Emmett was slumped in the porch swing, scraping away at a piece of wood with his fingernails and teeth. “Planning on staking me with that?” I asked him, perching on the railings across from him with a smile.

His eyes crinkled up with amusement. “Nah, I kind of like having you around.”

“Have you been out hunting?” I asked, noting how light golden his eyes were.

“Yes. I’m trying to go more and often and see if it helps,” he said unenthusiastically. “Besides, Esme told me to get out of the house while she still had some china left- I don’t think packing is really my thing.”

“We’ll leave you the books,” I said brightly, thinking of Carlisle’s jam packed study as well as the crowded bookcases upstairs. “You can pack those, you can’t do much damage there.”

“Thanks so much,” Emmett muttered with a dark glare. “Now, did you come out here for a reason besides giving me grief?”

Oh, he really was in a mood! I slid onto his lap, kissing him with a grin. “Oh, is my baby feeling all sensitive today?” I teased.

“You’ll be feeling something mighty unpleasant if you don’t start being nice to me,” Emmett grumbled. “I’ll take you over my knee and give you a spanking you won’t forget in a hurry.”

The very idea of it made me laugh. “I’d like to see you try!” I rolled my eyes. “You’d lose a body part you’re rather fond of if you even made an attempt!” I cuddled closer to him, kissing the beautiful strong jawline I adored. “Come on Emmett, why so grumpy? You can’t be that upset that Esme doesn’t want you packing her things.”

“No, I’m not that worried about that…just feeling guilty about moving and hopeless about ever being as good as you are at controlling myself.”

“Hmmm. Don’t feel guilty about moving. No one else cares, honestly we don’t. Edward says they moved a lot when Esme was first changed, and when I was a newborn we all had to move from New York because of what I did. It’s just the way things are.” I nibbled my way up his neck and flicked his earlobe with my tongue, feeling smug as his hand began kneading my breast and I felt him shifting his thighs to fit more firmly against my ass.

“But I can’t control myself,” he mumbled into my hair. “When am I going to be any better?”

 _Okay Emmett, enough with the self-pity and gloom from you! Edward and I get away with it, but you don’t!_ I slid my leg over so I was straddling Emmett’s lap, giving him a shameless glimpse in between and making it obvious I wasn’t wearing any underwear. I hid my grin as his eyes instantly went dark with lust.

“Hello,” he murmured, doing his best to sound casual. “I think someone came out here with something on her mind.”

I smirked. “Maybe someone did…would that be a bad thing?”

“Hell no!” Another pair of trousers became destined for the rag bag as Emmett ripped the buttons off and the seam apart in his haste to get them open, but I simply shifted my weight up onto my knees for a second and then slid back down, whimpering in helpless pleasure as I took his hard cock inside me. Emmett groaned and gripped my thighs, impaling me deeper as I gasped and bit my lip and rocked against him, thinking of nothing but how much I loved him and how damn good it felt to be with him. We didn’t stop, not when Emmett tore my blouse and destroyed the expensive French lace bra I had on underneath, not when the swing fell apart beneath us and we landed in a pile of splintered wood on the porch, not until we had both been driven to the brink and flung ourselves heedlessly over the edge did we let ourselves slowly become aware of more than just each other.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” Emmett said slowly.

“What’s that?” I was still sitting over him, still rubbing myself against him lightly as I enjoyed every last pulse of bliss through my body.

Emmett was tentative when he continued a minute later. “How it is that you let me do that- let me see you naked and wanting like that- and yet you won’t let me see you feed.”

 _Will you ever let this subject go?_ Instead of getting angry with him though, I just looked down at him thoughtfully as I answered. “You don’t see? That, what we just did…you can see my like that any time Emmett, because that’s about me and you, it’s about loving you, it’s about me being a woman and I’m not ashamed of any of that. But the feeding?” I shook my head. “That’s about me being a monster, and I hate the idea of you seeing me being the thing I hate most about myself.”

Emmett’s eyes closed briefly in defeat, and when he opened them his gaze was heartfelt and sad. “What you are Rosa girl, you’re mine,” he said simply. “And one day you will see that…that I love every single part of you, and to me you are no kind of monster at all.”

_I want to believe you Emmett. I want to believe that it’s true, and that you love me despite everything…but I can’t risk losing you by testing you. I can’t swallow the shame and guilt and self-disgust and let you see that._

Emmett groaned and I could sense his frustration, but a moment later he sat up and kissed me with loving tenderness. I kissed him back for a moment, and then rose to my feet and began to rearrange what was left of my clothes.

“Did you mean it, when Edward asked you about marrying me and you said you wouldn’t because I wouldn’t let you see me feed?” I looked down at my hands.

Emmett scrambled to his feet, reaching for my hand. “Rosa girl, look at me,” he ordered.

I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not when it all suddenly felt perilously like rejection. “It doesn’t matter,” I said, attempting to sound careless.

“I love you,” he said intently. “You’re my world, baby doll…nothing matters to me like you do. I am going to spend my whole life with you, and when you consider that we’re immortal that’s a hell of a long time!” He wrapped his arms around me, and after a moment of resistance I surrendered. “I want to marry you,” Emmett continued, obviously choosing his words with care. “But I want it to be real and honest Rosa girl, and we’re not there yet. I need to know that you trust me absolutely, and as long as you won’t show me all of you I know that you don’t. And I need to be able to stand up with you in front of a preacher and say ‘I do’ without killing people…I won’t do it until I can be a real man and do it properly, and right now I can’t even take care of myself, let alone take care of you. I won’t let you take less than you deserve, even if that means I have to wait to do what I want to do.”

I looked at him thoughtfully as he gazed back, silently begging me to understand. “You’re a very surprising man sometimes, Emmett McCarty.”

He grinned charmingly. “I do what I can to keep you guessing.” He dove in and slurped all over my neck, and I screamed and pushed him away as he laughed for a moment before he turned serious. “I just want _real_ Rosalie…as real as it can be in this fucked up mythological way we live in.”


	22. We Move On

The removalists arrived early on the appointed day. It was very tedious to watch them heaving the heavy furniture and boxes out to their truck, knowing that the five of us could have done it far more easily in half the time. In the end I took the book that Esme had chosen for our next book discussion (something we did somewhat endlessly to fill in time) and sat down on the porch to read while I waited.

 “What are you reading?” Edward said, stooping down to look.

“Little House on the Prairie,” I answered, holding it up to him. “By Laura Ingalls Wilder - it’s children’s fiction, another one of Esme’s picks. It’s good though. It makes me glad we’re not moving in a covered wagon…considering that alternative I’m rather blessing the inventor of the combustion engine.”

Edward laughed. The children’s fiction that Esme often chose for our book discussions were never his favourites, but I secretly enjoyed them. I loved the sweet stories and the simplicity of the themes and the way good always won out over evil. I loved reading the books and remembering, just for a while, what it was like to be innocent.

I went back to my book, and Edward went back to watching the removalists with concerned eyes as they emptied his room. Emmett prowled about restlessly, scowling fiercely at the removalists every time either one’s gaze drifted my way, eventually growling with such menace that one of them dropped and broke a cabinet. I rolled my eyes, half amused and half flattered by such a demonstration of possessiveness from the usually easy-going Emmett, and Edward grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away to move the piano personally.

Finishing my book I watched from the porch railing as the two boys carried the piano up the ramp and on to the truck, giggling at Emmett’s exaggerated look of effort and Edward’s old-woman fussing over his piano as he positioned it in the truck and then began padding it with old blankets. Emmett jumped from the truck and bounded over to me, standing in between my legs with his hands on my thighs.

“Hey pretty girl.”

“Hey yourself.” I took his arm and rolled down the sleeves of his shirt and buttoned up the cuffs- Emmett was always pushing his shirtsleeves up absent-mindedly and with the human moving men around it wasn’t a good idea to have that sparkling, reflective skin on show. “We’re going to go pretty soon,” I said complacently. “I’m going to drive.”

Emmett made a face at me. “And here I was thinking that we’d be in the backseat together…”

I felt a flare of lust at the idea, but then snorted. “Ha. With Edward right there? No thanks.” I doubted we’d get to Oregon with all our limbs still attached if Emmett tried anything in front of Edward- he had always disliked being subjected to the sight of too much physical affection, and Emmett and I had tested his patience sorely in that regard over the past weeks.

In the end Emmett sat in the front seat. He was too big for anyone apart from me to be willing to sit squeezed into the backseat with him, and he was happy enough to have more room for his long legs.

I drove first, much to Edward’s chagrin, but he made so many snide comments and criticisms of my driving that I eventually lost my temper completely and nearly tore the steering wheel out of the car as I shouted at him. Carlisle tried to play diplomat and make us take turns and behave nicely, but it wasn’t until Emmett just lifted Edward bodily out of the driver’s seat and slammed him into the passenger seat and took the wheel himself that we gave up. Emmett was a _terrible_ driver. He’d had barely any experience in his human life and just had no feel for it at all- he crashed gears and slammed on the brakes at the last minute and was so distractible that we were constantly in peril of running off the road as his attention went from the road to something else. United in our horror over the tortured sounds coming from the engine under Emmett’s control, Edward and I promised to behave ourselves if he’d only let one of us – either of us! – drive the rest of the way.

Actually, between the driving, the humming, and a lot of random jokes and rambling talking, Emmett had infuriated everyone by the time we got to Oregon. Even I wanted to strangle him, and I heard Carlisle tell Esme fervently that he would buy another car before he would go on a trip like that again, and he promised her in heartfelt tones that he’d never force her to spend an extended period of time in a small space with Emmett, Edward and I ever again.

The new house took everyone’s attention away from the torture of the journey though. It was beautiful- large and gracious, set in a small yard amidst towering forest trees. The size and scope of it reminded me of many of the beautiful homes I’d spent time in in my human life, and I felt a twinge of sadness at the memories as I entered through the double front doors and examined the imposing entrance hall. There were spacious living areas, a custom built library, a brand new modern kitchen, six bedrooms, and a bathroom with an antique claw foot tub big enough to even fit Emmett.

“Jesus,” Emmett muttered as he followed me on my investigations. “I don’t think I’ve ever even set foot in a place like this. My family’s whole damn house would have fit into that entrance hall.”

“Rose and Emmett, you two can room upstairs,” Esme directed. “Carlisle and I will take the suite down here and Edward, you can either go upstairs with Rose and Emmett, or there’s another room off the kitchen. It’s much smaller, but more private…”

“I’d room in a cupboard to get a bit further away from those two,” Edward said rudely.

“Shut your mouth,” Emmett said cheerfully, not the least bit offended. “It’s not like I want you up my ass and in my business all the time either.”

Edward opened his mouth to say something but caught Esme’s eye and stopped abruptly, before giving a small chuckle and heading off. Irritated I stuck my tongue out at him and then stomped up the stairs.

My annoyance vanished as I surveyed the rooms upstairs, taking the biggest one with the attached dressing room as ours. It had a wide window seat overlooking the forest, and Emmett went over to it immediately and opened the window wide, leaning out.

“This is okay,” he said absently. “We’re coming up in the world.”

I looked over at him, wrapping a long piece of hair around my finger and pulling it as I thought about his off-hand comment. I forgot sometimes, that it wasn’t just his diet that had changed in Emmett’s new life with us. He had come to us from a four roomed shack in Tennessee, where everything was shared and shabby, where brand new clothes were an almost unheard of luxury and books in his house could be counted in single digits, where there was not even enough money for food sometimes, let alone money for all the trinkets and amusements we Cullens were able to buy so casually. I looked at him now, in his expensive boots and his clothes which were, despite the crumples from travelling in them, clearly those of a gentleman of means. Even his hair was different- I had taken to him with a pair of scissors one afternoon, my heart in my mouth at the permanency of such an act, straightening and smoothing the rough chop he had had in his curly locks when I found him.

“You can have your own room if you want,” I offered.

“Why would I?” Emmett looked surprised, and then almost hurt. “Don’t you want me in here with you?”

I flew to his side, jumping as he held out his arms to catch me. “Of course I want you!” I said, kissing him. “I just thought…you’ve never had your own space before. I didn’t know if you might want it.”

With a shrug Emmett sat down on the window seat, settling me firmly into his lap as his arms encircled me. “I wouldn’t know what to do with space if I had it. It’s not like I’ve got much stuff!”

I had to acknowledge that was true. I had been somewhat horrified when I packed up our room to move and realise that Emmett’s possessions barely filled half a box- apart from clothes all he owned were a few baseballs, some books and the knife with the bone handle that he’d had in his pocket the day I brought him home.

“You’ve just always had to share,” I said softly. “Share space, share clothes, share things…I didn’t know if you might want something of your own.”

Emmett shook his head, and his hands caught up my face and pressed my forehead against his as he smiled at me with heartbreaking sweetness. “I have one thing of my own,” he whispered tenderly. “My own beautiful girl…that’s the only thing I need.”

I closed my eyes and leaned into him, wondering at the fates that had laid him in my path, all bleeding and dying at the hands of that bear, on that fateful day.

“I love you Emmett.”

Our possessions arrived several hours later. Impatient to be settled and bouncing with energy after so many hours in the car Emmett helped them to unload the van, dragging boxes and furniture through the house and upstairs with a surprisingly convincing show of effort. I hadn’t realised what a skilled actor he was becoming. I waited until he was distracted, helping Edward unload the piano and place it carefully in the living area before I slipped away to go hunting.

Carlisle had been right, the hunting was superb. I barely knew which way to track with the number of scent trails I crossed in the first half mile out from the house, and I had taken down a bobcat and a deer within half an hour and was flitting lightly through the forest and back home before I knew it.

Emmett was sprawled out across the new bed in our room, reading one of my journals, when I slipped through the door and back in again. A few of the boxes were open but he’d made little headway on unpacking our room and, stretched out comfortably across the bed, he’d clearly given up on making any more progress.

“I’m so glad to see you’re making yourself useful,” I said tartly. “Having fun with my journal?” I had said he could read them if he wanted to, but I was a little surprised to see him with one open in front of him.

“I drew you a picture of a flower,” he told me, before he caught sight of my eyes and his voice changed. “You’ve been hunting?” It had been becoming more of a sore point between us, my continued refusal to hunt with him, and he sounded less than pleased as he took in the lightened colour of my eyes.

“I was thirsty,” I said lightly, attempting to diffuse the temptation. “It’s good hunting out there- you and Edward should go out soon.”

Emmett scowled, and turned back to my journal, flipping through a couple of pages. I caught sight of the flower he’d drawn me in his dark, scrawling style and I felt a rush of amused love for him…beautiful man, he did so many silly little things to make me laugh. He made me take myself less seriously and I loved him for him.

Emmett tossed the book onto the desk, where it landed face up in the middle of it like he had placed it there with deliberation. “What a shot!” he murmured in pleased tones, folding his hands behind his head and watching me unpack.

“We need to redecorate,” I said thoughtfully, once I was finished and I could see the way the room looked with furniture in it. “I’m not living with this hideous wallpaper.” Not my colour and style at all.

I glanced across at Emmett, who was looking at me with eyes gone dark, his full lips slightly parted. _Oh, Emmett…._ Heat flared in my belly and I felt a rush of desire that made me clench my thighs instinctively.

“I know _that_ look, Emmett,” I said teasingly. “Is there something you wanted?”

“Maybe _something_ ,” he murmured, his eyes intently focussed on me, his hand going down to his pants and undoing the buttons, casually stroking himself in a way that made my shiver with anticipation. “I mean, I’ve got this nice new room that’s all private at the top of this big house, and a pretty girl who seems to be watching my hand on my cock…there could be something I could do with all that, hmmm?”

 _The things you do to me…_ I wanted him so badly. Half unconsciously I began stripping, feeling myself hot and wet and wanting as he watched me and growled with an unbridled desire as my clothes fell and my nakedness was all there for him.

“Maybe there is something…” I said hoarsely, as I rose up on to the bed beside him and took him into me, hands and mouth and legs wrapped around him as I made him mine again, and we made our new house start feeling like home.


	23. Exposing the Monster

“He’s not back yet.” I stood by the window, looking out through the night and searching the forest for any sign of Emmett. I felt the tension, that unnameable dread, rising within me. “He should be back by now.”

“Emmett’s still not back?” Edward must have heard me from the study, because he came into the room with a frown, glancing over at the clock

“No.” I touched my fingers to the glass. “You can’t hear him at all, Edward?”

“No. He was just going hunting? No other plans?” Edward closed his eyes for a minute, and I could see the strain on his face as he tried to listen for anything from Emmett’s mind.

Carlisle and Esme, playing cribbage at the table, looking up in silent concern. If it were any of the rest of us, several hours away would barely even be noticed, but Emmett was still new and unpredictable. What if he’d got himself in to trouble? What if…

“He won’t be in trouble,” Edward said to me impatiently. “Really Rosalie, what can possibly have happened to him? He’s indestructible.”

I didn’t even answer, because my sharp eyes had caught sight of a thin grey wisp of smoke in the dark night sky and the sudden flare of terror threw me beyond speech.

Edward was by my side in an instant, his eyes scanning the sky. “Smoke,” he muttered to Carlisle and Esme, and in silent agreement the four of us slipped quickly outside.

“We need to go and check that out,” Carlisle said after a pause as he examined the sky. “I’m sure it’s nothing and Emmett is fine, but…”

_But we don’t know. What if he’s met a nomad, what if someone has come looking for us, what if…_

“I’ll go with you Carlisle,” Edward said. He looked at me. “You’ll come, Rosalie?”

“No,” I said abruptly. “I don’t want to. You go.”

Edward looked like he wanted to argue, but then he saw the smoke billowing thicker and turned away. “Carlisle, let’s go.”

The two of them vanished into the forest, leaving Esme and I standing, frozen, in the yard. _If something has happened to him…_ I bit my lip hard and without a word to Esme went and took refuge in the garage.

It would have been less than an hour that I sat there, but it was an hour that stayed with me for a long time afterwards. An hour where I faced, in cold bleak darkness, the possibility of losing Emmett and felt my soul writhe under the horror of it. I could not have found him and been allowed to taste the bliss of having him as mine, only to lose him now…I couldn’t, I couldn’t….

It was Edward alone who appeared in the doorway as the very first hints of dawn began showing in the sky, and for a moment I thought all my worst nightmares were coming true. I made the faintest noise of agony, but Edward came and knelt by my side and took my hand, and for once I let him touch me.

“He’s okay,” he told me quietly. “Emmett’s okay.”

I could not stop the shudder that rippled through my body, and for a moment I pressed my face into Edward, feeling the hard chest beneath the soft linen shirt. Then I pulled myself together and sat up, looking at Edward steadily. “Thank you.”

Edward released my hand and sat back on his heels. “He was hunting and he came upon a farm with a person there- it didn’t end well. The smoke was from him burning the body.” Edward looked frustrated. “Carlisle’s maps must be out of date, we had no idea there was a smallholding there! Emmett would never have gone that way if we’d been aware. He’s upset…understandably.” Edward rose to his feet. “I didn’t talk to him,” he added. “I just got this out of his head and left him for Carlisle to talk to. Maybe he can say something that will help him.”

 _I hope so, because goodness knows I’ve got nothing._ I thought glumly.

Edward suddenly laughed at me. “Maybe not words, Rosalie, but you’ve got something for him! We’ll leave him to you when Carlisle brings him home, I’m sure you’ll think of some way to help him move past his transgressions!”

I couldn’t help laughing back. “You’re disgusting sometimes Edward! I wouldn’t have thought you would be so crude!”

“I just call it like I see it,” he grinned, and disappeared into the house. Shaking my head, I followed him.

I was up in my room, writing nonsense in my journal in an effort to keep calm when Emmett came in. He smelled like smoke and charred timbers as he threw himself down on the bed without a word. I turned to face him, sitting on the chair with my feet drawn up and my chin resting on my knees. “Are you okay?”

Emmett’s face was expressionless as he shrugged and turned away. “You didn’t come and find me,” he said flatly.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.” As soon as I said it I wished I hadn’t. Why did I always have to be on the defensive? Why could I not go to him and hold him the way I wanted to, and confess to him that I had not gone to find him because I was too afraid of what I would find?

“Whatever.” Emmett’s voice was harsh. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t come after you, but I was afraid. Carlisle said he would go and I thought that it would be better if it was him…but I see that was wrong. I should have come, whatever had happened.” He didn’t answer, and after a moment I went on. “I’m sorry. I know that you must be feeling awful…you can tell me about it if you want to.”

“Yeah sure,” Emmett sneered. “Tell you about my failings when you _never_ fail. Tell you about me killing fucking _people_ while you won’t even eat a fucking _deer_ in front of me…”

I had never heard him speak with such bitterness and I physically recoiled, but he didn’t stop and instead spoke again, his words venomous. “You say you love me. You say it doesn’t matter that I’m a killer from a nightmare, but it obviously does Rosalie…you can’t call yourself a monster in one breath and then claim that you love me when I’m a thousand times worse than you ever were…oh, fuck it all!” His face twisted with pain and he gave a roar of anger and tore out of the room, jumping from the window and fleeing into the forest.

I followed him. Emmett had done so much for me, he had kissed my wounds and soothed a thousand hurts already, and I couldn’t let him suffer without trying to help him.

He was sitting on a fallen tree and playing with a bobcat when I finally caught up to him. I didn’t know how he caught it, but he was staring down at it as the animal twisted and scratched and tried to bite. I was mesmerised, watching as he released his grip on the animal and then caught it again as it tried to run. He tired of the game eventually and held the cat by the scruff of the neck, letting it dangle limply as it glared at him with feral yellow eyes.

Emmett looked up at me, and I saw his eyes go sharp and calculating. “You want it, don’t you?”

I didn’t say anything. I could smell it, heavy and sweet, and I _did_ want it.

“You want it, it’s here…” Emmett rose to his feet and moved towards me, holding the animal closer. “Take it.”

My throat burned. _I want it…but I can’t do that in front of you Emmett, I can’t…_ I looked up at him, desperate and afraid, but he only stepped closer and looked at me more intently.

“I _know_ you want it,” he whispered, and his low, seductive voice combined with the scent of the blood until I could barely keep still for the desire firing through my body. “I know how much, and I know how much don’t want to do this with me here…but Rosa, I need you to.”

“Emmett…” I breathed. _Please don’t make me do this…oh, fuck I want that…_

“I need you to,” he said hoarsely. “I need this Rosalie, I need to know you believe in us enough that we can be real and nothing else matters…I need to see it baby, I need to know that when you say you love me and accept me that it’s not just words…”

My breath was coming in harsh, ragged gasps as I struggled with myself, torn between my horror at exposing the monster for Emmett and my willingness to do anything he asked of me. The smell of the blood lingering in the air made my bloodlust burn. “I do love you Emmett, I do, no matter what…but this…I can’t let you see me…”

“You can…” Emmett crooned, his head bent close. “Please Rosa baby, please, for me…” 

I moaned and then whimpered as he moved behind me, wrapping an arm around me and holding me against him, the feel of his hard body and the scent of him mingling with the smell of the cat until I didn’t know what I wanted more. At least until he suddenly bit hard into the thin skin with the pulsing artery beneath and then thrust the animal towards my face, the blood already welling out and the scent of it overpowering. “Just do it!”

 _Oh, I hate you for this Emmett!_ I was shaking, and for a moment I wanted to kill Emmett instead of the animal in his hands. “Fuck you!” I choked out, twisting my head for a second to look at him before my mouth clamped down on to the neck of the beast and I began drawing in the hot, smooth blood in frantic gulps.

“I love you, I love you, beautiful Rosa girl, mine…” Emmett was pulling me even closer against him, his mouth hot and needy as he kissed my neck and ear and hair, wherever he could reach in between his eager professions of love. I didn’t care, nearly purring as I abandoned my body to the sensuous pleasures of the blood coursing down my throat and the feel of Emmett behind me. I took the animal into my own hands and looked over my shoulder at him, licking the blood off my lip with seductive intent as I took in how dark his eyes were on mine.

“I want you,” Emmett groaned. “Jesus Rosa girl, I want you…”

He rubbed against my rear and I pushed into him, my mouth clamped back on to the animal to get every last drop. Emmett groaned again and slid his fingers down my belly and in between my legs, tearing through my dress and knickers so that he could touch me. I dropped the bobcat and raised my arms until I could take Emmett’s hair in my hands and pull his head down, tilting my head to the side so he could lick and bite at my neck. His fingers moved on me, and I dropped my head back and kissed him, hard and hungrily. I could feel his urgency and it was matched by my own, a desperate, wild desire to be with him in this most primal of ways.

I turned to face him, and saw the way his eyes glittered with feverish desire. “ _Mine,”_ I hissed, as I ripped his clothes off his body. Emmett licked a dribble of blood off my chin and made short work of my clothes, stripping me naked before he went down on his knees before me. “Yours,” he muttered, looking me in the eyes. “Always yours…I want you now, Rosa girl…yes?

 _I love that you ask me._ I grabbed his shoulders and tightened my grip. “ _Yes, yes, YES!”_

The world blurred as Emmett rose to his feet and took me in his arms at the same moment, then pulled my legs open around his hips and slammed my back against a tree as he thrust into me. Again and again and again he drove into me, with no slow build-up of pleasure, no delicate and torturous erotic teasing…nothing but a hard and urgent explosion of lust and a desire to lay claim.

I could take the force of him better than the tree could, and the solid trunk finally cracked under the pressure and with a wrenching groan the timber fell with a crash, sending Emmett and I to the ground with it. For a moment we laughed, but my body felt empty without him filling me and there was only one end to that blaze of heat between my legs. “I’m not done yet…” I taunted him, and with a roar Emmett threw me over on to my hands and knees and came back in to me.

It had never been like that between us before. Never so hard and wild and primal, both of us using all our strength to come together. Sensation so intense and overwhelming that there was no thought, nothing but the two of us and the passion that burned and flamed higher until it overtook everything and I screamed and shuddered as I came.

When I became aware of the world around me again I was lying flat on my belly, sinking into the soft earth with the weight of Emmett’s shaking body on top of mine. With a tiny whimper he slid off and brushed my hair away from my face, pressing a kiss against my shoulder blade. “I love you Rosa girl,” he said, his voice tight with emotion. “I love _all_ of you.”

I felt replete, sex and blood having satiated my two strongest desires, and I looked back at him quietly. “I did it.”

“You did… and I’m still here. I’m _always_ going to be here baby,” he said to me, sitting up and lifting me into his lap. “I love you,” he told me again, “I love you for _all_ that you are, Rosalie…woman, vampire, hunter, killer, lover…you can’t be ashamed of any of it, or hide it from me, because it’s _all_ you, all part of who you are and I love all of it.”

I looked into his eyes, marked with the red of a killer, and for the first time I really began to believe.

“The same goes for you Emmett,” I said. “I love you for who you are…I know you made a mistake today, but I know how hard you’re trying.”

“I’m sorry I took that out on you,” he said, ashamed. “That was an asshole move…I’m sorry I was such a bastard.”

I kissed his neck, nuzzling into him to breathe him in. “You were hurting…”

“Even so. And even this feeding…” He looked at me unhappily. “I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard, I should have waited until you were ready.”

“I _was_ ready,” I said, knowing it was true. “You’re right, that it’s all part of me. And I want to give you all of me…you’re mine Emmett, it’s always going to be the two of us and I have to trust you with all of it. The way we live in this family is so cloaked in lies and stories and shadows…it needs to be different between the two of us. We can’t have lies and half-truths, we need honesty and truth and equality for this love to be real.”

“It was a woman,” Emmett said, falteringly. “Last night I killed a woman…it made it harder, I guess because of the way my parents raised me, it made it seem worse that it was a woman. And because when I looked at her I couldn’t help thinking she was someone’s _you_. Some man somewhere loves her, and I’ve messed up his life as surely as I ended hers. I don’t want to do things like that, I hate becoming this out of control monster, and I don’t know who to stop it.”

“Time,” I said softly, looking deep into his eyes. “Experience…it doesn’t make it easier to bear right now, but you have to know it will get easier and just keep trying. I’m not trying to brush over what you did, or that she doesn’t matter, that the people who get caught up in this shadow world and get hurt don’t matter, but I really believe you’re doing the best you can. Eternity is a long time to punish yourself with guilt. You’ve got a beautiful heart Emmett, and it will win over the monster in the end.”

Then I wrapped myself around him, both of us naked and bare and vulnerable, and this time when we came together it was gentle and tender, and healed hurts for both of us. It was about love, moving together to the pinnacle and falling together, eyes locks and lips together, kissing and breathing and loving and promising forever. _Mine. Always._

 


	24. Going Somewhere, Going Nowhere

It was sunset when I rose to my feet out in the forest and turned my thoughts towards home. Emmett, who had been stretched lazily out on the ground with his hands behind his head, looking at the sky and whistling tunelessly, laughed at me as I grimaced down at the mud on my knees and the forest detritus in my hair.

“Come on, my wild savage,” I said to Emmett, hauling him to his feet and leading him towards the river. “Our clothes are beyond saving, and if I’m going to have to walk back into that house naked I’m at least going to be clean!”

At the river I perched on a rock in the shallows while Emmett scooped water up and washed my back, and then while I scrubbed my legs he dove into the deep centre to wash himself. The sunlight reflected golden off the water, and his skin sparkled like the silver glint of fish scales. I combed my fingers through my hair, removing leaves and twigs and watching him with a slow smile as he lay on the riverbed for a moment, the water blurring his outline, before he leaped out of the water like a dolphin and landed beside me with a joyful splash

“You want me to run back and get you something to wear?” Emmett asked, shaking his hair like a dog and spattering me with water.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged looking down at my now very clean but still very naked self. “No, it’s fine. I know I’m supposed to care, but really…I look good without clothes.”

Emmett whooped with laughter, and I grinned at him mischievously. “Well, I do!”

“Hey, I’m not arguing! I don’t mind if you never wear clothes baby doll,” Emmett looked at me appreciatively as I rose from the shallows and stepped up onto the bank, water running down my legs in rivulets.

I giggled. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. But Carlisle doesn’t see anything except Esme really, and Edward…well, I don’t know, but clearly I don’t do it for him.” I wondered briefly what _did_ do it for Edward, if anything did, as I wrung my hair out. “Let’s go home.”

Walking naked into the house was less embarrassing than I had secretly feared. Really, I had to admit to myself, after what the others must have heard from Emmett and I and even seen in moments of indiscretion, being buck naked was almost an improvement - at least I was standing upright and self-possessed. So all I did was nod my head politely at Carlisle and Esme, and ignore Edward rolling his eyes at me while he played the piano and walk upstairs, with Emmett chuckling behind me.

“You’re amazing,” Emmett said to me affectionately as we dressed in our room. He came to stand beside me, brushing my hair with slow, steady strokes and I closed my eyes in enjoyment. I had come to love the way it felt to have him brush my hair. “The way you walked in here, like you own the world…I love you.” He put his chin on my shoulder and his eyes met mine in the mirror. “Are you happy, angel girl?”

I nodded and said slowly, “I am…I hadn’t realised how much of a barrier the hunting was between us.” I looked at my hands, the long slender fingers that looked so delicate and girlish but that had such preternatural strength and had been capable of such monstrous acts. “I hate that part of me Emmett. I didn’t see how you could see me doing that and still feel the same way about me.”

“I don’t feel the same way about you,” Emmett said quietly, kneeling in front of me and looking up at me earnestly. “I feel _better_ now. I feel like I’m finally seeing it all, that you’re giving me all of you, and I am so _honoured_ that you would allow me to do that.” He reached up to my face, cupping my cheeks in his big hands and guiding me towards his mouth. “Angel girl, you walk through the world all beauty and fire and aggravation, and you hold yourself so tight that no one else can even come close without you telling them to go to hell…and yet you let me in. You brought me here and gave me this life, and now you’ve given me you, given me _all_ of you…and when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I did, it turns out I can.”

“I feel closer to you, because I let you in to that part of me.” I reached up and caressed his hand, kissing the end of his fingers. “I want it all with you Emmett,” I added quietly. “All of you and all of me…I’m glad you made me show you. I want to be real with you.”

He pulled me up and into his strong embrace. “I know baby. And we’re doing real good together, you and I.” His eyes suddenly sparkled with mischief. “And I’ve got to say baby doll, seeing you feed like that…damn that was hot as fuck! Do you know how much I get turned on by you being such a fierce badass?!”

“Emmett!” I threw my head back and laughed, but my body remembered what we had been doing in the forest, when desire for blood had been overcome by desire for each other, and I felt myself burning. “I think I probably have some idea,” I smirked at him, but as I felt his hands shift from gentle to possessive on my body I giggled and slipped back out of his reach. “Not now,” I teased, walking backward, and with a disgruntled huff Emmett followed me downstairs.

In the living room Esme and Carlisle were leafing through furniture catalogues and talking earnestly and Edward, who was still playing the piano in a fairly desultory manner, looked up and asked us hopefully if we wanted to play a new game with him.

“Sure,” Emmett said, throwing himself down at the table.

“What is it?” I asked, more suspiciously. “You cheat at everything.”

Edward placed a large box labelled ‘Monopoly’ on the table in front of me with a smirk. “You’re just sour because I have natural advantages. But no, I can’t cheat at this- I bought it specifically with that in mind.”

Not trusting him an inch I read the rules, but conceded that he was right and his mind reading would give him limited advantage so I agreed to play if he let me be the race car token. Sighing audibly Edward agreed and took the top hat, and Emmett chose the battleship.

I started to wish I could cheat about half an hour in to the game, when Emmett had bought half the board and kept making me pay him exorbitant amounts of rent when I wasn’t being sent to jail, and Edward kept laughing at me. Not that he was doing that much better! Eventually I couldn’t put off the inevitable and sulkily conceded bankruptcy, flouncing over to the sofa to read beside Esme while the boys fought to the death. Well, fiscal death- Emmett continued his capitalist rampage and bankrupted Edward and packed the game away with an entirely too smug look on his face.

Once the game was put away Emmett came and slumped on the sofa beside me and, without looking up from my book, I shifted position until I was curled up against him. Emmett played with a long hank of my hair, wrapping it around his fingers to make it curl then pulling it straight over and over again. It was annoying, but when I looked up at him to tell him to cut it out his face in the firelight looked so sad that I didn’t have the heart. I knew that he was suffering with another death on his conscience, and I knew there was little I could do to assuage his guilt.

“I was wondering how everyone felt about taking a vacation?” Carlisle asked suddenly, tapping his pen against his journal.

I looked up in surprise. “A vacation? Where?” There had been no mention of further travel since our return from Europe months ago.  I sat up and faced Carlisle.

“Alaska,” he replied. “I have some friends that live there who maintain the same lifestyle we do, Tanya, Irina and Kate. Edward and Esme have met them before, and I thought you and Emmett might like to meet them too."

 _Female vampires?_ I remembered the otherworldly, seductive beauty of some of the females I had seen in Volterra, and I couldn’t stop my possessive glance at Emmett. _Mine._

Edward snorted with laughter and looked at Emmett. “Well, once you meet them…we’re not talking just any females here…” His eyes were gleaming with amusement and I scowled at him ferociously. I didn’t know if he was listening to my thoughts or something Emmett was thinking, but the last thing I wanted was Edward being aware of my flash of jealousy at the idea of beautiful female vampires around my Emmett.

Carlisle frowned briefly. “Edward,” he said in mild reproof.

“They’re lovely girls,” Esme said hastily. “They’ve led very interesting lives…”

Edward was laughing, and Emmett straightened up a little, looking mystified. “What? What’s the story here?”

“Kate and Tanya and Irina came to this lifestyle from a rather different starting point to Carlisle,” Edward chuckled. “Less from a sense of global compassion, and more from a desire to keep their male conquests alive, shall I say? You’ve heard the legend of the succubus?”

Emmett looked blank, but my eyes widened as I nodded.

“A supernatural female lover of legend,” Carlisle explained to Emmett. “A creature that has relations with men and then drains them of life…and like many tales, there’s more truth to it than humans would like to believe. The Denali coven has been around centuries longer than I have, and they rather like their human men. They became tired of losing them and began experimenting with an animal diet to control their thirst and allow them to be in close contact with humans without feeding from them.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “So they…with humans? Really?” I asked in fascination. How was that even _possible?_ How could you enjoy yourself if you had to hold back and maintain perfect, precise control at every single moment? Even if a vampire could be so close to a human without thirst overwhelming any resistance, how could you possibly be with a human so intimately and not _break_ them?

I glanced sideways at Emmett, whose thoughts were clearly on the same lines. He looked horrified, and his hands went instinctively down to cover his groin, which made Edward laugh uncontrollably.

“Don’t worry Emmett, I’m sure they’ll leave you alone!”

“Shut up!” Emmett retorted. “You can laugh- you don’t use yours!”

I smothered a laugh, as Carlisle shook his head. “You boys! Yes, Rosalie, with humans. It is possible, although it’s enormously difficult as you can imagine, both because the temptation of the blood and the obvious physical disparity.” He paused. “They’re the only vampires I know who share our diet and beliefs. They had to work very hard to overcome centuries of conditioning and train themselves to abstain from feeding on humans. I thought a vacation with them would be enjoyable, but it might also be interesting or helpful for you, Emmett.”

Emmett shrugged. “I’ve never been to Alaska. Snow and ice, right? Might be fun.” He touched me lightly on my wrist. “How about it, baby doll?”

I hesitated. “I suppose so.”

“Wonderful!” Esme smiled happily. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy the girls’ company Rosalie, and we’ll all have a lovely time.”

I nodded, feeling oddly unsettled. Irritably I tossed my book aside and left the room, hearing Emmett’s tread as he followed me upstairs to our room.

“Baby, what’s up?” he said. He came to where I was standing at the window, looking unseeingly out at the night, and I felt his fingers on my back. “You don’t want to go? We don’t have to.”

“I do want to go,” I said wistfully. “Meeting new people like us will be wonderful- goodness knows I get tired of Edward’s company!”

“But…” Emmett prompted me.

I smiled at him, feeling foolish. “It’s just that they’re all females, and the way Edward talked about them! I’m not…you…” Frustrated I paused, trying to gather my words. How to explain to Emmett the anxiety that had welled up in me at the idea of taking my beautiful, eminently desirable man around three legendary female lovers?

“Hey,” Emmett said softly, seeing my agitation and guessing at the source of it. “All that stuff I said about loving you? I meant it baby. Just you…that’s all I want. Doesn’t matter who else comes or goes or what they’re like, because for me there’s only you.”

I wrinkled my nose in embarrassment over my almost childish feeling of jealousy. “It’s just…I’m all there is here,” I said quietly, trying to explain. “I mean, there’s Esme of course, but she wouldn’t ever look past Carlisle.” I looked at him, and this time I didn’t hide my very real fear when I spoke. “I love you Emmett. What I feel for you is more than I thought I could ever feel…and sometimes I am so afraid that I’m going to lose you like I’ve lost everything else.”

Emmett’s arms went around me, strong and solid and safe, and he looked down at me with his dimpled smiled and eyes of love as he spoke softly. “I’m not going anywhere Rosa, not without you.”


	25. Alaska

None of us had any real demands on our time, and so our Alaskan vacation was arranged quickly. Carlisle wrote to the sisters and soon received a reply that they’d love to have guests and were looking forward to seeing him again and meeting the newest members of his family. Carlisle told me that Kate, Tanya and Irina were all made by another vampire, Sasha, and thought of themselves as sisters. He didn’t explain what had happened to Sasha, but I knew she was no longer with them.

He and Esme went out for a day and came home driving a brand new Cadillac. I was enraptured with it, and for once there was no animosity between Edward and I as we examined all of the features and went for a glorious ride in it.

“And we’ll get to drive it all the way to Alaska!” Edward exulted. “That will really test it out…”

“Ah, I think not,” Carlisle said with a wicked grin.

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“The car will be tested, perhaps, but you two are not going to be the ones doing the testing,” Carlisle explained with a note of amusement in his voice. “Esme and I will be driving the Cadillac to Alaska… _alone._ ”

“What?!” I shrieked, as beside me Edward gave a horrified moan.

Carlisle chuckled heartily and Emmett’s booming laugh joined in as they noted our distress. “I told you when we got here to Oregon that I was never driving a long distance with the three of you in a car again,” Carlisle told us sternly, although his eyes twinkled. “And so I’ve bought myself this vehicle and invited my lovely wife to accompany me…you three can argue and fight all you like in the Buick, it won’t bother me.”

“But that’s not fair!” I sulked, my fury made worse by Emmett’s heartless mockery. Although the tables turned when it suddenly occurred to him that ‘you three’ meant him as well as Edward and I, and he turned to Carlisle with a look of desperation.

“Sweet Jesus man, you can’t mean I have to drive from here to freaking Alaska with the two of them by myself?!”

Through my sulks I giggled for a moment at Emmett’s horror and Carlisle’s callousness as he shrugged with a grin. “Sorry Emmett.”

“Christ!” Emmett sagged back against the new car. “Please Carlisle…come on, have a heart and let me ride with you and Esme! I swear I won’t whistle and I won’t tell any jokes! Just don’t stick me with those two!”

Carlisle wouldn’t relent though, and when the day came to leave Emmett threw some suitcases in the trunk of the Buick with a gusty sigh. As Edward and I approached, eyeing each other warily, Emmett scowled and reached out his hands until he had grabbed each of us by the hair, pulling us gently but firmly towards him. I shrieked as he held us in front of him, Edward and I face to face and Emmett glowering down at us.

“I’m saying this once,” he said threateningly. “You two had damn well better make up your minds to get along for the time we’re in that car together. If not, I’m throwing you both in the back seat and then I’ll drive, and I know neither of you want that!” He released two handfuls of hair and gave us his irrepressible grin. “Please, I’m begging you!”

I rolled my eyes and smoothed my hair. “Fine. As long as _he_ doesn’t criticise my driving all the time then we’ll get along fine.”

Edward opened his mouth, saw Emmett’s face and thought better of it, closing it with a snap of his teeth and fishing a coin out of his pocket. “Ladies’ call,” he said to me with a gallant smile, tossing it up in the air.

I called heads, and lost, so Edward drove first. I sat in one corner of the backseat with my legs stretched out and my feet resting on Emmett’s lap. As he absent-mindedly massaged my feet I hauled my new book out of the bag on the floor and dropped it in to my lap with a thump.

“What the hell is that?” Emmett asked me, looking at the somewhat enormous book suspiciously.

“Gone with the Wind,” I answered. “It’s by a new female author, Margaret Mitchell. I know you hate romances Emmett, but it was the longest book in the store and it should last us most of the way to Alaska.”

Edward laughed and Emmett looked pained at the idea of reading a romance novel for several days, but I smiled at him angelically. “It’s historical and there’s a war…it’s sure to have a bit of action.” I flipped through to the opening chapter and cleared my throat before I began to read. “Scarlett O’Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realised it when caught by her charm…”

The book did last us most of the way to Alaska. It turned out to be an excellent choice as all of us enjoyed it, and Edward and I found plenty to discuss and argue about.

It took five days for us to reach Denali, and I was glad when we arrived. We’d finished the book and Edward and I seemed to have reached our limit of civility and were starting to snap at each other. Emmett’s eyes were dark with thirst, and he was jumpy and tense with the discomfort when we finally reached the sisters’ lodge, in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. The air was frigid as I climbed out of the car, and the snow shone blue in the moonlight.

Tanya, Irina and Kate all stood out on the porch, waiting to greet us. The three of them were all tall, glamorous blonde goddesses, and I watched them greet Carlisle and Esme and Edward with hugs and kisses before Carlisle introduced Emmett and I. For a moment as they turned to look at Emmett and identical predatory smiles drifted across their faces I felt the bitterness of jealousy swirl in my belly and I wished we hadn’t come. But Emmett grinned at them amiably and then reached towards me, taking my hand firmly and smiling down at me. I glanced up at the three figures on the porch and felt my heart settle as they took in Emmett’s not so subtle sign of possession and then gave me genuine smiles as they welcomed us to their home.

The house that looked like a hunting lodge outside was beautifully decorated inside, a luxurious riot of colour and opulent fabric and gorgeous artworks and furniture. I looked around me in pleasure. “Oh, this is lovely!” Enormous picture windows look out onto the snowy wilderness.

“Thank you,” Tanya said to me, in her lightly accented voice. “We spend most of our time here, and we wanted to make it comfortable.”

“How long have you been with the Cullens?” Kate asked me.

“Nearly two years,” I answered.

“You’re from New York?” Kate smiled. “The accent…I can still hear it. And where did that gorgeous piece come from?” She looked towards Emmett. “I presume he’s yours?”

Emmett was exploring the room with his customary curiosity, his hands linked behind his back to stop himself from touching anything. It seemed he was more careful about breaking things when he was out visiting! I looked at him affectionately. “Yes, he’s mine,” I said. “Emmett had an unfortunate encounter with a bear a few months ago…I found him in the forest down in Tennessee.”

 “You changed him?” Kate raised her eyebrows.

“Oh no!” I shook my head. “I took him home to Carlisle. I didn’t mean…I thought he could save him. But he couldn’t, not as a human anyway.” I couldn’t think about that day without remembering the taste of Emmett’s blood on my tongue and my desperate flight through the forest towards home, the dying man in my arms. I shook my head to clear the memories and looked back towards Kate and said simply, “So he changed him for me when I asked.”

“Well, lucky you,” Kate murmured. “Not killing someone when they’re bleeding to death in your arms, and you practically a baby yourself? I _am_ impressed…you’ll have to tell me your secrets.” 

There was a gentle touch on my neck, and Emmett’s fingers brushed across my skin. “Excuse me for interrupting. Baby, I’m just going out for a bit- you want to come?”

“Emmett’s our newest member,” Carlisle said from nearby. “Only a few months old to this life, so he still hunts quite frequently.”

Emmett looked a little embarrassed, but Kate smiled at him charmingly. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“We always appreciate a man with a good appetite,” Tanya added, and beside me Emmett’s big body shook with laughter, even more so when he noticed the alarmed quirk of Edward’s eyebrows.

We hadn’t hunted during the trip up here and, although I was better able than Emmett to endure periods of thirst, I wasn’t as comfortable as I would like so I nodded and agreed to go out hunting. The others were the same, so in the end it was a large group of us who trekked outside into the snow.

I could tell immediately that Emmett’s thirst was raging, since he didn’t even stop to make a single snowball out of the drifts of soft, powdery snow. Instead he moved intently across it until he found a scent trail and then took off, fast and purposeful.

“He’s after a bear,” Edward called out, veering off to the left. “You may as well leave him too it…Emmett’s a man with a grudge when it comes to bears, and he’s not known for sharing.”

The others peeled off in their run, moving after Edward, but I stayed on Emmett’s heels. The scent of the bear rapidly grew stronger, and Emmett began moving with greater caution as we closed in on it. The bear was a grizzly, a big animal with fur sleek and shiny with good health. Emmett dropped to a crouch and I heard the faint growl of desire from him, but I didn’t wait.

 _I want that! It’s mine!_ I snarled and flung myself at the bear. It was bigger than me, and if I didn’t want to wind up in the same mess Emmett always ended up in I needed to use my advantage of surprise and get him down and my teeth in before he registered my presence.

I hit it perfectly, tumbling down into the snow with him, and keeping his head and shoulders pinned to the ground as I ripped into the neck and took in the first few frantic gulps. _Oh, good, good, good…_ I heard Emmett roar but paid no attention until he crashed to the ground beside me, plunging his teeth into the bear’s groin to breach the femoral artery and take in the blood that way, one hand on the bear and one hand on my back.

The bear didn’t last long, not with both of us feeding so hard, but as the heartbeat under my hand faded and stuttered and then stopped I was feeling full and contented enough. I sat up and brushed my hair away from my face, looking over at Emmett who made a face at me.

“Edward warned me you’d steal my prey right out from under me,” he said ruefully.

I smirked at him. “Well, if you’re too slow…”

Emmett grabbed me with an outraged laugh. “Hey cheeky brat! I like to play with them!”

Watching him out there feeding, seeing him in his element with the physical movement and joy of action made that familiar spark within me light, and I felt heat coursing through me. I didn’t take my eyes off his as I said archly, “You can play with me,” then leaned forward and, very deliberately, stuck out my tongue and licked the blood off his face.

   With an entirely different kind of growl Emmett fell backwards, and took me down into the snow with him. I kissed him, both of us hot with the fresh blood flowing through us and burning with frustrated desire after days driving with Edward and not being able to be together, and he rolled me into a snow bank and laughed as he loved me out in the moonlight.

Emmett would have quite happily stayed outside all night, but I felt a little guilty about ignoring our social obligations to our hosts and eventually made him get dressed and walk back to the house with me. As I mounted the stairs to the house Emmett paused for a moment, reaching out to catch hold of me and drawing me close enough to kiss. “You look beautiful, Rosa girl.”

I gently traced my hand across his cheek, brushing the tiny, sparkling crystals of ice from his skin. “I love you.” For a long moment all we did was look at each other, eyes and bodies communicating through looks and touch, before I reluctantly opened the door to inside.

“Welcome back,” Edward murmured sarcastically.

“Any bears left?” Carlisle joked.

Emmett, looking very much like the cat that got the cream, grinned at them both and smirked. “Just enjoying the great outdoors…”

I snorted and flipped my hair back over my shoulders. “All of you can just give it a rest thanks!” I was aware of the snow on my clothes beginning to melt in the slight warmth from the fire and looked over at Carlisle. “Did you bring the things in out of the car? I’d like to change my clothes.”

Kate came and took my arm with a smile. “Come on, we’ve put your things in a room down the hall. I’ll show you.” She winked at Emmett, her eyes bright with laughter. “You too, big guy…you’re dripping all over the floor.”

She led us down a narrow hallway and into a small room panelled in light wood, containing only a big low bed and out suitcases piled in a corner. “I think you have everything you need in here,” Kate said coyly, and Emmett laughed as she winked at him and blew me a kiss. “Get changed, take your time…come back out when you’re ready,” she said cheerfully, closing the door behind her graceful retreat.

I shook my head and giggled as I tugged off my damp clothes. “How embarrassing.”

Emmett’s wet clothes slapped against the floor boards as he threw them down beside mine and nudged me towards the bed. “Baby, I can’t even bring myself to care, not when you’re standing there naked,” he said.

“I’m still wearing underwear!” I protested.

“Not for long,” he said lasciviously, rapidly taking care of that.

I couldn’t help laughing, and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. _I want you so much…I need you…Emmett, my beloved._ “I guess it’s not like they’re not already laughing at us,” I muttered into his mouth. “It’s not going to be any more embarrassing if I just take a moment to… _oooohhh._ ” And then there was no more need for words at all, and I forgot that there even was a world outside of Emmett and I and what we had between us.

 


	26. Talks of Judgement

Emmett and I quietly joined the others in the living area later. Carlisle and Irina were talking about what they’d been doing since they last saw each other, and exchanging news about mutual acquaintances. Edward was carrying on an awkward conversation with Tanya, who was eyeing him off with clear intent, and with a chuckle Emmett headed in their direction. I went and sat by Esme and Kate, who were gossiping with an eye on Edward and Tanya.

“It seems that my sister finds Edward rather appealing,” Kate said conspiratorially. “Although I’m not sure that he is equally interested in her charms.”

I giggled, giving Edward a sideway look and ignoring the scowl he sent in my direction. “I don’t know what interests Edward.”

“Not you?” Kate raised her eyebrows at me. “The two of you had only each other until you found Emmett…”

The face I made at that suggestion had Esme spluttering with laughter. “Rosalie!”

 “No,” I said emphatically. “Whatever Edward might find desirable, it has never been me.” Truthfully, his rejection of me had always rankled. Not because I wanted _him_ , but just because my vanity required that all men find me attractive whether I reciprocated or not. Watching Edward’s obvious discomfort at Tanya’s overt interest in him I found that old sting at his rejection lessen…perhaps he just wasn’t interested in the ladies and it hadn’t been personally directed at me at all.

“Edward was only seventeen when he was changed,” Esme said, a little anxiously. “Still very much a boy. Carlisle and I have wondered if perhaps it was too soon, and he hadn’t matured enough yet…but then, perhaps he’s just waiting for the right person.” She smiled to herself, her eyes soft as they strayed to Carlisle, who was now sitting with Edward, Emmett, Irina and Tanya and involved in earnest discussion.

I looked at Emmett, who was frowning in concentration.

“Carlisle is very unusual to have lived by his conscience from his vampire birth,” Tanya said seriously. “To have done so alone is extraordinary.”

Emmett sighed, a little helplessly. “Yeah, I get that. That’s what they keep telling me. But Rosalie and Edward never ran around the countryside being a menace like I am either.”

“I have the telepathy though,” Edward argued. “ _You_ do it because in that moment you see them as prey- your senses shut down to only the sound of the heartbeat and the smell of the blood and instinct takes over. I can’t ever do that. I hear their thoughts, and I’m forced to recognise their humanity even if I don’t want to. Even evil humans sometimes feel regret and sorrow in their dying moments.”

He didn’t look at me as he spoke, but I caught the tension in his shoulders and my own body went taut. _Even evil humans sometimes feel regret and sorrow in their dying moments._ Unable to stop it, my mind flicked back to those dark nights after my vampire birth, and the men I had hunted and slaughtered like animals. Apart from Royce they had had no time to feel regret and sorrow over the evil they had perpetuated in their lives, for I had brought death to them swiftly. Royce though…he had felt remorse. He had been sorry, in the end.

It took all my self-control to move slowly, but I glided over to Emmett without betraying my inner turmoil. He knew though, as he reached out and touched my body and felt how tightly strung I was, and he drew me carefully onto his lap and looked into my eyes with a smile. I took in his open and honest devotion and smiled back, feeling some of the tension ease in the face of his boundless love.

“What about you, Rosalie?” Tanya asked me curiously. “They tell me you’ve never lost control around humans either? What’s your secret?”

“I can’t let it beat me,” I said simply. “The monster inside…I won’t let it win.”

“So you see it as separate?” Edward leaned towards me, frowning intently as he took in my words. “It’s not you?”

For a moment I thought he might be mocking me, but his face was serious and thoughtful. I had never spoken of this to Edward, of the way I viewed the monster who dwelt inside me, with his blood lust and violence and thirst, and for a moment I hesitated. But his face looking up at mine was vulnerable in his desire to understand and find peace within himself too, and it reminded me that I was not the only one who struggled with what we had become.

“It’s _not_ me,” I said quietly. “That…desire for the blood…it’s like a different thing, somewhere inside me, and I won’t let it control me. I won’t let anyone – _anything_ – make me do something I don’t want to do. Not ever, ever again.”

I knew my voice was getting too strident, but my memories had been stirred and I was battling against them. I remembered the naïve human girl I had been and the things Royce had done, not only at the end when the violence exploded and ended my life, but before that when he had twisted and manipulated my innocence for his own ends and I had been left so confused and afraid. I thought too, briefly and with a stab of shamed disloyalty, of Carlisle and the vampire life he had forced upon me through mistaken good intentions. _I have been forced in to too many things. I’ve almost lost myself in what others have made me become, when I was too weak and too frightened to fight for myself. It will never, ever happen again!_ I felt Emmett’s lips, gentle and caring, press to the back of my neck and I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax.

Edward was absorbing my words, frowning in deep thought. “I can’t see it as a separate thing,” he murmured. “It’s all me, the dark and the light…”

I looked down at Emmett and shrugged. “That’s how I think of it, and how I control it.”

“And if it works, then it’s the right thing to do,” Esme smiled over at me sweetly. “There’s no one way, or one reason that is going to provide the strength needed to resist.”

“Exactly,” Tanya agreed. “The incentive and the pay-off are different for everyone.” She looked briefly at her sisters and they shared a private smile. “For us, we get to enjoy ourselves in the human world without bringing harm to those we care about. Rosalie does not have to feel vulnerable or relinquish control.” She looked at me with her piercing eyes. I knew the sisters were centuries older than Carlisle, and I wondered somewhat uncomfortably what she thought of me. “They are different reasons, but they work.”

“I always think about the families,” Esme said softly, reaching for Carlisle’s hand. “They’re all someone’s child, someone’s parent or sibling or friend. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and I couldn’t knowingly inflict that on someone else.” Carlisle laced his fingers through hers, and I saw his thumb caress her palm. “I don’t want to disappoint Carlisle either, or the family I have now,” Esme continued, adding with a self-deprecating laugh, “Of course, none of that stopped me from making mistakes at the start, but I just had to keep trying and I’m much better now!”

“And I believe that life is precious,” Carlisle said simply. “All life, and that to preserve life wherever possible is an honourable thing.” His gaze encompassed all of us, one by one. “We can’t always change the world, but we do good where we can.”

Emmett’s arm was wrapped protectively around me, and at Carlisle’s words I felt his fingers squeeze slightly as he held me a little tighter.

“To what end?” Edward spoke up, his voice sounding depressed. “Do you honestly believe there is redemption for the damned?”

I couldn’t help but feel surprised and slightly disturbed at Edward’s words. I knew he was always reading and arguing philosophy with Carlisle and was prone to fits of dark gloom, but I had never realised the extent of his own dissatisfaction with what he was. He believed we were damned? For a moment I thought of what I had done in my life and I shuddered.

“I don’t believe we are damned,” Carlisle answered. “I can’t believe that Edward, not when I look at you, at Esme…at all of you. There is such goodness and light in everyone Edward, how could I believe that God would forsake us in the end?” Carlisle’s voice was steady, and his belief shone out of his face. For a moment I felt lost, and jealous of his faith as I stumbled in my own darkness, and my grip on Emmett’s shirt tightened. His hand covered mine, his thumb tracing circle on my skin as he listened.

“Where do your beliefs lie, Tanya? Irina? Kate?” Carlisle questioned. “You have lived and seen more than any of us.”

Kate shrugged. “I’ve seen enough to safely say that I don’t know!” she said lightly, and her cheerful voice eased the sense of gloom that had been descending.

Tanya touched her sister lightly on the arm with her elegant hand. “We have seen a great deal done in the name of your God, Carlisle…I am not sure what I believe. I sometimes like the idea of an afterlife, of meeting lost loved ones again…” For a moment her voice trembled, and I tried to encompass the loss that would inevitably come with centuries of immortality in a human world before she spoke again. “But I do not have faith as a big part of my life here on earth. And as I said to Emmett earlier- there is always time. I will discover more one day.”

The talk turned to other things then, and I sat quietly on Emmett’s lap and listened to it going on around me. He stroked my hair and rubbed his thumb on my wrist, and I leaned against him and breathed in the familiar and beloved scent of him.

“Baby? You’re very quiet,” Emmett said to me in a low voice. “Are you okay?”

Everyone else was busy talking, no one paying attention to us now. I ran my hands down the soft cotton of his shirt and played with the small buttons. “Do you think we’re damned, like Edward does?”

“I don’t know,” Emmett said reflectively “Do you?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it,” I said honestly. “I’ve found it difficult enough living this life without worrying about the next!”

Emmett chuckled. “Truth is baby, philosophy and theology isn’t my thing. It was all a lot easier when I was a human- you follow the preacher’s rules and you go to heaven, you break them and the devil gets you down in hell. I walked a pretty fine line at times…the burning when Carlisle bit me and I was changed didn’t surprise me all that much to be honest!”

I laughed as he smiled at me in amused recollection. “You know I thought you were an angel when you picked me up, but I don’t know if I ever told you that once you got me home and I heard Carlisle’s voice I figured I was dead and he was God,” Emmett told me. “When he bit me and I started burning, I just took it as a judgement for all my wicked ways. But it turns out that I wasn’t dead, and there’s more than just heaven and hell when life ends.” His smile faded and his eyes looked troubled. “Our very existence breaks the preacher’s rules baby, and the morality that was black and white now seems all shades of grey. I’ve killed people in these past few months, innocent people, and by rights my soul belongs to the devil now…but those deaths were accidents and I have really fought hard to stay true to what I believe is right.” He shrugged helplessly. “I’m trying to stay on the side of right now, and I guess if there is a God watching I have to trust that he’s going to see that and take it into account.”

His beautiful face, the way his true and loving heart just shone out of his golden eyes when he looked at me…how could someone like Emmett be damned for what he was, instead of saved because of who he was? _My beloved._ I stroked the muscles of his forearm where it lay across my thighs, and dropped a light kiss on his forehead. “You always know what to say to me.”

“It’s a skill,” he teased me, “I told you I had them!” His face sobered a little, but there was still a gleam of laughter and love in his eyes as he regarded me. “In the end baby, I don’t let it worry me. Maybe we’re damned, maybe we’re not…but we’ve got immortality on earth to get through first, and as long as I’ve got you I’m going to be happy in the here and now.”

 


	27. Lessons for Emmett

Emmett excused himself to go out hunting again later, and I was entertained with tales from the sisters’ long and fascinating lives. I had had enough trouble accepting the concept of Carlisle’s age, but compared to the millennium that the sisters had lived Carlisle was barely less of a baby than I was and the idea of that had my head whirling.

I looked up as Edward left the room and Tanya glided in our direction with a mischievous grin on her face.

“What are you doing to that poor young man?” Irina asked her in amusement.

“Edward?” Tanya said innocently. “Merely being a friendly hostess, that’s all.”

Kate laughed. “Oh, I think not…you’re being shameless Tanya, and you’ve quite terrified Edward I believe!”

“Oh, but isn’t he something rather attractive?” Tanya sighed. “So very serious though! I do think he needs some fun…”

“I’m not sure he is ready for the kind of fun you have in mind,” Irina told her sternly.

“Oh, I know,” Tanya smiled lazily. “I don’t really believe he is either, and I’m not offended. But I shall make him aware of his options, all the same…you never know when a man might decide he is ready for a new experience.”

Carlisle and Esme were both pretending not to hear this, but I couldn’t stop my snort of laughter as Kate met my eyes and shook her head. “My sister!” she exclaimed in mock outrage. “Such a tease…”

“Speaking of teasing…” Tanya murmured, as all of us heard Emmett’s booming laugh and Edward’s shouts from outside.

I jumped to my feet and hurried outside to see what the boys were playing at. Emmett had been busy and had built a large and elaborate snow fort, although he was outside it now with Edward pinned under his knees as he pelted him with snowballs from point blank range. Edward’s shouts turned to gurgles as Emmett jammed his throat with snow, and with a boyish laugh Carlisle leaped off the porch and went to Edward’s defence. He soon got Emmett off Edward, and while Emmett retreated behind his fort and began laying in a fresh supply of ammunition Carlisle and Edward began throwing together some defences of their own.

“Now I know for sure who your favourite is!” Emmett shouted at Carlisle, ducking as Edward hurled a snowball at him. “Come on Rosalie!” he entreated me. “Help me out baby doll, they’re going to slaughter me!”   

I hesitated for a moment. I hadn’t played in the snow since I was a small child, and the boys were approaching their battle with deadly seriousness. But my competitive nature came to the fore and I was about to jump down and help Emmett when he opened his mouth and yelled out impatiently, “Forget about your hair! I’ll fix it when it gets messed up!”

 _You can get stuffed!_ I threw him an obscene gesture and bounded across the snow to Edward and Carlisle, who cheered and slapped my palms happily before the three of us started in on Emmett, who howled in outrage and did his best to fight back. Even with his newborn strength and natural aggression it was no contest though, and the snowball fight ended with Carlisle, Edward and I sitting on top of Emmett in the snow, demanding he beg for mercy.

“Go on, say it!” I crowed, sitting on Emmett’s chest and keeping his hands pinned to the ground with my feet.

“Never!” he gasped, “I’ll never surrender!”

I couldn’t stop laughing as I slammed handfuls of icy snow into Emmett’s face, nearly burying him. He was laughing too as he looked up at me, then his eyes strayed to my damp legs spread out on either side of his face and I could tell by his face that he suddenly had more on his mind than just an innocent snow ball fight.

“No mercy Rosalie!” Edward ordered from behind me. He was sitting on Emmett’s lower belly, and a moment later he made an inarticulate noise of disgust and scrambled off him. “Oh my god, Emmett, don’t! Does everything turn in to that with you?”

I turned around and was confronted by the tell-tale bulge in Emmett’s trousers. I raised horrified eyes to Carlisle, who laughed so hard he fell off Emmett’s feet, and then Emmett took advantage of my inattention and threw me head over heels into a snow bank.

“Pretty much,” he told Edward cheerfully, as soon as he’d coughed out enough snow to speak. He reached down to me and hauled me up to my feet, brushing the caked snow off me.

Edward shook his head in exasperation. “I really should give up on you.” He paused for a moment, regarding Emmett thoughtfully, and then a wicked grin crossed his face. “You’re rather unbearable sometimes Emmett…I think it’s time you were taught a lesson.”

Emmett smirked. “I’d like to see you try. You know I can beat your skinny ass with one arm behind my back.”

“Oh, not me!” Edward says. “I had something else in mind. Kate?”

Kate tripped across the snow to us, her smile knowing. “You wanted me Edward?”

Edward seemed to be trying not to laugh. “Rosalie and I are tired of Emmett lording his physical superiority over us,” Edward explained. “We thought perhaps it was about time he learned that he’s not God and master of all he surveys!”

Kate trilled a laugh. “You really want me to?”

Edward nodded vigorously. “Yes, I do!”

“Do what?” Emmett asked suspiciously. He frowned at Kate for a moment, and then glanced across at me, but I just shrugged blankly. I had no more idea than he did what Edward was thinking behind that smug little grin!

“Kate has a gift,” Edward informed us, a quiver in his voice betraying his inner mirth. “She could take you down with one finger.”

Emmett tilted his head sceptically. I couldn’t help wondering what Edward had up his sleeve too- Kate certainly had an aura of strength around her, but nothing like Emmett’s bulky masculinity.

“I see you have your doubts, big guy,” Kate chuckled. “Time to test your mettle then.” She winked at me. “Don’t worry sweetie, you’ll get him back.”

Edward beckoned me closer, and curious I left Emmett’s side and went to him. “What’s going on?”

“Watch,” he murmured in a confidential whisper. “Kate has a power- she can emit an electrical current from her skin onto someone touching her…Emmett’s in for a shock, let’s just say that.”

I knew Edward wouldn’t do anything that would cause any permanent damage, and I had to admit that it wouldn’t hurt Emmett to be challenged for once. Although I must admit I laughed at the thought of the lesson coming at the hands of this delicate looking blonde female.

Looking a little less sure of himself but determined to see this, whatever it was, through to the end, Emmett waded through the snow to Kate, holding his hands up in surrender and showing his dimples. “Okay…I get the feeling this isn’t going to end well for me, but do your worst.”

With a teasing smile, Kate reached towards him and laid one finger gently on the palm of his hand. The effect was instantaneous- Emmett’s eyes rolled back in his head and he was flung three feet away from her and onto his back without even a chance to blink, as everyone else gasped and then broke out in laughter.

Kate stepped across to Emmett and held out her hand. “Help you up?” she offered mischievously.

“No fear!” Eyes wide, Emmett scrambled to his feet and shook his head. “Fuck me! What the hell was that!”

“It’s what I do,” Kate told him proudly. “It used to be only focussed in my hands, but I can extend to run a slight current all over my body now, which means anyone who touches me gets a dose of what you just experienced. It comes in handy in a fight.”

“I bet it would! Sweet Jesus, that’s a killer,” Emmett said candidly, shaking his whole body like a dog. “Damn…I know who not to annoy around here now.”

Kate laughed. “You’d better believe it!”

Emmett looked at Edward and his lips twitched. “You bastard. You knew it would be like that…has she done it to you?”

“No!” Edward shook his head in emphatic denial. “But I’ve listened to the thoughts of people as she’s done it to them – including you just now – and I’m quite happy to go with only the second hand experience for this one.”

Emmett staggered briefly as he ran his hands through his hair. “For once the mind reading is sounding pretty harmless,” he muttered. “At least you can’t hurt me!”

Edward laughed and I went across to Emmett with an amused smile and took his hand, looking with interest at the palm Kate had touched. There wasn’t a mark on it.

“That looked…painful,” I commented.

Emmett took my hand and the two of us began ambling back towards the house. “Don’t let her do it to you, that’s my advice,” he said jokingly. “Jesus, I haven’t felt anything like that since I was changed. Goddamn Edward!”

I giggled. “Oh, you have to admit you’re obnoxious, and he got you good!”

“I have to admit no such thing!” Emmett grabbed me round the waist and swung me high, then throwing me over his shoulder and giving me a resounding slap on my backside. “It’s your fault anyway!”

“Me?” I squawked from my undignified, upside down position. “What did I do? Let me down!”

Emmett flipped me around until he was carrying me cradled in his arms. “You’re the one who drives me crazy,” he murmured. “You’re the one who flashed her knickers at me and spread those legs and made me get a hard on even with bloody Edward sitting on my belly!”

I laughed a little breathlessly, “You’ve just got no self-control,” I whispered tauntingly, shivering a little as he bent down and sucked my earlobe into his mouth, biting gently.

“No, I don’t,” he murmured, quickening his pace and heading towards the window of the bedroom we’d been given. “No self-control at all, not when it comes to you my beautiful girl…let me show you…” Emmett made it through the window in a single leap, even with me still cradled in his arms, although he then went on to show a surprising amount of self-control as he took my body to the height of pleasure and beyond before he let himself take his own release.

Hours later I finally lay still, my hair a tangled mess and my body quivering, while Emmett ran a lazy hand up my inner thigh. “My beautiful girl…”

It should have been impossible to respond to him again, but almost without conscious thought I opened my legs to him and groaned softly. Before anything else could happen there was a sudden knock on the door and then I heard Edward, sounding both frustrated and apologetic. “Put some clothes on…I’m coming in.”

 _Not while I’m like this you’re not!_ It took barely more than a second for me to get out of bed and across the room, brush my hair and wrap one of Emmett’s shirts around my body so that I was sitting up against the bedhead, as poised as possible given the circumstances, when Edward opened the door.

“Sorry,” he muttered, not sounding all that apologetic, and ignoring Emmett pulling on a pair of trousers. “I just wanted a break.”

I couldn’t be that annoyed with him, not when my body was warm with the blood I’d drunk earlier and humming with the after effects of the pleasure being with Emmett always gave me. “You must need it, if you would risk coming in here with us…” I said brightly.

“You’ve got no idea!” Edward laughed, but he looked incredibly embarrassed as he leaned back against the door. “I can hear Emmett’s thoughts all too clearly, so I knew when you were…done…”

Emmett seemed to find that amusing, but I was horrified. All that _harder, faster, more, yes, yes, yes, fuck me, again!_...and Edward was _listening?_ The only thing that stopped me ripping his head off right then was the fact that he was almost squirming with mortification at having to raise the issue at all. I couldn’t even look at him.

“So what’s the issue?” Emmett asked, propping himself up on his elbow. “Tanya?”

“How did you know?”

“You’d have to be blind not to see the way she looked at you,” Emmett said cheerfully. “And in my experience, when a woman looks at a man like that, she’s going to get what she wants!”

“She’s certainly determined,” Edward sighed.

I rolled my eyes. Did Edward have to make everything in to a drama? “Poor you,” I said sarcastically. “So hard to have a beautiful lady after your body.”

He glared at me but didn’t say anything.

“What’s the problem?” Emmett grinned at me, and slid his hand under the shirt I was wearing to rest on the curve of my bottom. “I mean, she’s not Rosalie, but she’s good looking, she’s willing…”

Edward frowned and sighed. “Is that all that matters to you?”

Emmett’s grin faded as he looked at me, and I felt the caress of his fingers, gentle and loving on my skin and his eyes were soft with all I knew he felt for me. “Not _all_ that matters,” he said tenderly.

I couldn’t stop myself from touching him, tracing my hand along the line of his jaw. That he loved me the way he did, and that he was so open and honest with his emotions too… _How did I ever get so lucky? My own beloved…I don’t even know how to tell you how much I feel for you._

Edward gave us a lopsided, almost sad smile. “And so it is for me,” he said simply. “I grew up with parents who were happy together, and then I saw and felt how Carlisle and Esme are, and now how you two are…I don’t want less than that. Maybe they’re old fashioned and romantic notions, but I want more than pretty and willing Emmett. I want to be with someone who loves me, someone I love too. I’ll know it’s right when I find her, however long that takes.” 


	28. A Night Out

Some time later there was a light knock on the door and a moment later Kate strolled in. I was partly dressed, although the pink lace pieces were far from demure, but Emmett was still spread out naked and did his best to cover himself, although the only thing at hand was my slip. Somehow the thin silk lying over his groin managed to draw more attention to what he was trying to hide, and I pressed my lips together to stop myself laughing at his awkwardness.

Kate somehow managed to look poised and elegant as she perched on the end of the bed, tactfully ignoring our state of undress as she smiled at us genially. “We’re going to take you out tonight,” Kate said cheerfully. “There’s a dance on at a place we know.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes flicking to Emmett. Take him to a dance? A lot of excited humans, with their heat and pulse beats and blood to tempt him, all inside an enclosed space? Was that really a good idea?

Emmett shared my doubts, and raised his eyebrows at Kate sceptically. “You planning on a massacre or something?” he asked. “Or do I have to spend all night with Edward on one side reading my mind and you on the other electrocuting me every time I have a bad thought?”

Kate laughed, unconcerned. “It’s all about incentive Emmett,” she said seriously, waving a hand in my direction. “I’m going to take your lovely girl here and we’re going to spend all afternoon getting dressed up and making ourselves beautiful, and then you’re going to take her out dancing and I believe you’ll find there is at least one thing you want more than blood.”

I giggled, half embarrassed at her frankness, and Emmett shrugged.

“Well, I’m not game to argue with someone who’s liable to shock me in to insensibility at any moment,” Emmett said, giving up on modesty and sliding off the bed naked, everything out on clear display. Kate made no secret of the fact that she was taking in the view with clear enjoyment, and when Emmett knelt down by the suitcases looking for clothes with his back to us, she looking at me and pretended to wipe sweat off her brow, making me choke with a mix of laughter and pride that that gorgeous man was _mine_.

Dressed in pants and a shirt, Emmett swooped back to the bed and wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling into my neck. “Okay baby, I’ll go outside and leave you to your girly things. Although I _do_ have to say,” he added cheekily, fingers lightly trailing across the lace covering my breasts, “I think you’re looking mighty perfect just as you are, Rosa girl.” He winked at me, and vanished out of the doorway, leaving Kate and I laughing.

“Well Rosalie, I think you’ve got yourself a keeper there,” Kate said to me, her voice rich with amusement. “Lord…what I could do with that man!”

I laughed, but was furious to hear the note of unease in my laughter and know that Kate would have heard it too. Oh, Emmett was teaching me that it was possible to trust people, but letting my vulnerabilities and insecurities show still made me rage! _I am not weak! Yes, I’m afraid…but I will be as strong as I need to be and do whatever it takes!_

“Don’t worry though sweetie,” she added a moment later, and this time she sounded serious and her eyes met mine with frank honesty. “Even if I would make a play for someone else’s mate, which I most certainly _would not,_ I wouldn’t even waste my time with Emmett. Rosalie, my love, you can just relax because that man isn’t going anywhere or doing anything with anyone who isn’t you. The way he looks at you…he _worships_ you. And judging by the way _you_ look at _him_ when you think no one is looking, the feeling is mutual. The fact that the two of you found each other as you did, that you’re both babies in this vampire world and are going to grow up together…you’ve been extraordinarily lucky Rosalie.”

“Lucky…” I said slowly.

“Oh yes,” Kate nodded vigorously. “My sisters and I have lived a thousand years without finding what you have found with him. You are so new yourself…you don’t have the perspective of endless time yet, but your brief vampire life without Emmett is really but the blink of an eye. You will always have him, always have that love and strength and passion between you- such bonds are rare and beautiful things, Rosalie, and you will come to appreciate and understand it more in time.”

For a moment we sat in silence, as I contemplated her words and she looked at me with consideration. “I don’t know your story,” she said gently. “But I have learned to read people in my long life Rosalie, and I can see that you and Emmett are beautiful together. It is lovely to see, and I wish you both nothing but joy.”

“Thank you,” I said sincerely, looking her clear in the eyes.

“And now,” Kate said, clapping her hands and rising briskly to her feet. “We must get ready for tonight’s dance! You do think Emmett will manage? I’d prefer not to have to shock him in the midst of the local population…there are enough stories and rumours about my sisters and I as it is!”

I shrugged with a grin. “I suppose we’ll find out! I _think_ he will manage- he really has much more control than he gives himself credit for.” I too rose from the bed and began searching through my suitcase. “The men in the alleyway were bleeding, everyone has trouble with that, and the woman he came upon when he was hunting…he’s not just taking out random people who pass him on the street.”

“We usually judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others,” Kate said. “Now, since you don’t have your whole wardrobe here, unless you have something wonderful that you’re dying to wear just come along and have a poke around in our closet to find a dress for tonight. Lord knows there’s enough things in there that have never been worn or been worn only once.”

 Not having expected to be going dancing out in the Alaskan wilderness I hadn’t brought any evening clothes with me, so I slipped a robe on over my underwear and obediently followed Kate up to the attic, the entire space which had been fitted out as a closet and dressing area for the sisters. My mouth dropped open at the racks and shelves of clothes and shoes and accessories that were spread out before me, and Kate laughed in delight to see my reaction.

“Isn’t it fabulous? We love clothes and dressing up and can’t bear to throw any of our favourites away…there are things here that go back years.”

“It’s _amazing_ ,” I breathed, and then laughed as Esme appeared from behind a rack of clothes, wearing an old fashioned purple gown with an overdress embroidered with the most fantastic and complicated pattern I’d ever seen.

“I had to try it on,” she said, smiling at me a little guiltily as she came over to stand beside me and look at herself in the mirror, holding up the skirt of the overly long dress. “This is _exactly_ the kind of dress I dreamed of wearing as a young girl!”

Tanya smiled in evident enjoyment of Esme’s pleasure. “That was mine…I wore it in 1913 and I’ve never been able to let it go.” She smiled at me kindly. “Go ahead and play Rosalie…find yourself something for tonight, and try on anything else that takes your fancy.”

She didn’t have to ask me twice. I lost myself in the beautiful clothes, trying on anything and everything that caught my imagination, laughing and showing off with Esme and the Denali women.

“It’s like when I was little, and I used to play dress ups with my mother’s things,” I said with a giggle to Esme, taking a seat beside her in one of the dormer windows. “She didn’t let me very often, it was a big treat when she would allow it.”

I remembered the little girl I had been, dressing up in my mother’s ornate evening dresses and draping my slender girlish neck in her heavy pearls, dreaming of the day I would be all grown up and be able to dress up as a beautiful lady and wear jewels of my own. For a moment I looked down at myself, more beautiful and perfect than I could ever have envisioned as a child, but the instead of pearls I wore the heavy onyx pendant with the Cullen crest on it and around my wrist was the amber bracelet from Emmett, and I felt a sharp stab of pain. My life was nothing like I had imagined all those years ago.

I looked out at the window, at the grey snowy afternoon, and saw Emmett tackling Edward into the snow beside an igloo he must have built. The two of them laughed as Edward jumped away, and Emmett lay in the snow and moved his arms to make an image of an angel and I couldn’t help but smile. Yes, my life was nothing like what I had dreamed of when I was a little girl, but sometimes you really couldn’t know what you were missing until it landed in your lap…or fell into your arms, torn apart by a bear and dripping with blood.

“They look like they’re having a good time,” Esme said, looking down on the boys with a smile.

“They do,” I said fondly. “I’m glad we came.”

Eventually I settled on a black lace evening dress, fitted tight from my breasts down through my hips with a softly draping skirt flowing down to ruffles at the bottom and sheer sleeves over my shoulders. I loved the contrast of the dark dress against my white skin and golden hair.

“Stunning Rosalie,” Irina complimented me. “Sit down and I will dress your hair now.” Her expert hands were gentle in my hair as she braided and pinned, and it was not long before she was surveying me in satisfaction.

“Thank you,” I said, examining my reflection in the mirror with a flutter of pleasure. I knew I was horribly vain, but the mirror didn’t lie and I was so beautiful! A surprisingly large part of my satisfaction with my reflection though came as I thought of Emmett, and the way he would look when his eyes took me in.

I did Esme’s hair, and then Tanya threw open the drawers that held the jewellery and I pored over that, trying on several pieces before I settled on a delicate chain with a ruby butterfly pendant for my neck and matching earrings. Finally we were all dressed and adorned to our satisfaction, and amidst much laughter and teasing we went downstairs to find the men in the living room.

I felt half shy when my eyes first sought out Emmett. It seemed funny to realise that for all the times he’d seen me naked and wild, he’d never seen me dressed up in my finery, but the way he looked me up and down and grinned and ran his hands through his hair told me what he thought in a way that words never could, and I found myself smiling back.

“You look…wow…I mean…” Emmett laughed at himself and shook his head at his own awkwardness as he reached out and took my hand. He held it tightly for a moment, before he relaxed his grip and took a deep breath before he spoke. “You look beautiful Rosalie.”

“Thank you.” I squeezed his hand back and he ducked his head to brush his lips across mine.

“You really do,” he murmured. “I’m almost scared to touch you, you look so perfect and glamorous!” He gave me a lopsided smile and I laughed a little.

“Fine feathers, that’s all. It’s still me,” I reached up and touched his tie and tugged his jacket a little straighter, not because there was anything wrong with it but just because he was so beautiful that I wanted an excuse to run my hands over him. “You look very handsome. I’ll have to keep my eye on you I think…the other girls there won’t have seen anything to match you!” I said lightly. I raised an eyebrow at him and quirked my lip. “You’re sure about going?” I wanted to go, desperately wanted to…but Emmett would always come first.

“After seeing you all dressed up and knowing I get to walk in to a dance with you on my arm? Yeah, I’m sure baby.” Emmett winked at me and tucked my arm into the crook of his elbow before leading me over to join the others. “Come on everyone, let’s get this show on the road,” he said cheerfully, and we followed his lead out into the starlit Alaskan night.


	29. Promises of Forever

There had been more snow while we were getting ready, and they had decided that vampire running was more reliable than cars on the Alaskan roads. With a sigh I stooped down to take off the high heeled shoes I was wearing- not because I couldn’t run in them but because I didn’t want to risk breaking the heel on hidden traps. Before I knew what was happening Emmett had an arm under my thighs and one across my back and had scooped me up to carry me.

“Are you going to carry me all the way there?” I asked in amusement.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all…you do spoil me Emmett.” I wrapped an arm around his neck and rested my head against his shoulder, holding my shoes in the other hand and watching the blur of the scenery racing past us as Emmett ran. 

The dance was being held in a town hall, and we could hear the music and see the lights long before we reached it. At the edge of the forest we all paused while we straightened our clothes and I put on my shoes, careful to make ourselves look as human as possible. When any traces of our lengthy run through the wilderness were gone we emerged in to the light and strolled towards the lights spilling out through the windows of the town hall ahead of us.

 _There’s so many people here!_ Although I walked with cool self-possession and my hand in Emmett’s was steady, inwardly I was twirling with excitement and glee. I loved to dance, I loved parties, I loved moving through crowds and knowing that people were looking at me and admiring me… _oh, I’ve missed this so much!_

Carlisle opened the door to the hall, and along with the light and the noise came a waft of warm air so heavily scented with excited humans and loud with the sound of their heartbeats that for a moment all my excitement was lost under a wave of burning thirst and screaming blood lust. I gritted my teeth and cut it down, and was aware of the others doing the same, as Emmett’s grip on my hand tightened convulsively. He made the whimpering sound of a tortured animal as he stumbled backwards.

 I went with him, not releasing his hand, pressing up against him with a hand on his chest and my thigh pushing in between his. “Stay with me, Emmett.”

Edward was beside me, his hand on Emmett’s elbow and his shoulder tense against mine. On my other side Kate put her arm around Emmett, her hand heavy on his back.

“Steady there, big guy,” she murmured.

Emmett laughed a little shakily, and I relaxed a fraction. If he could laugh, even a little, he was holding on strong.

“Thought you weren’t going to shock me?” he said to Kate.

“I haven’t yet,” Kate said with a grin. “I really don’t want to, either! Get it together now- you walk your pretty girl in there and just think about every other man wishing he was you.”

I caught her grin and gave her a wink, looking up at Emmett through flirtatiously lowered lashes as I brushed my hand lightly, almost imperceptibly, across his ass. He shook his head at me and swallowed hard.

“Okay then. I’m good…let’s do this.”

We entered the room with Emmett in the centre of the group, and for a moment I thought we’d pushed him too far as he crushed my hand in his hard enough to make me wince and grabbed his hair with his other hand, his knuckles pressing hard against his skull. I could hear the low, desperate rumble of desire deep in this throat.

“Emmett…” I murmured, turning to face him. The rest of the world seemed to blur and fade as I looked up at the familiar and beloved face, curving my hands around his jaw and gently tugging his face down to meet mine so I could kiss him. “You’re not going to do it,” I whispered softly. “I know that. Breathe in Emmett, feel it…breathe through it. You’re here with me, you’re mine…that’s what matters.”

I could feel his struggle as he rocked on his feet for a minute with his face taut. But then he looked into my eyes and smiled, and bent his head down until he could brush my lips with his.  He stayed like that for a long moment, not kissing me but just breathing, inches from my face, his eyes looking deep into mine until he finally straightened up and smiled. Beside me Edward relaxed, the tension leaving his body as he turned with a grin to look across the hall, and the others took their cue from him and began talking and laughing again.

Emmett was glowing, joyful in his mastery of the thirst in this extreme temptation. I was under no illusions that he would never make mistakes again, never be caught in the trap of his bloodlust and end a life to satisfy it, but he would always have tonight as something to cling to and know that control was possible for him. Catching my eye he bowed and asked me to dance, and when I nodded he led me out on to the floor.

It was like going back to my human life, almost. And yet this time, dancing in the middle of that whirling, laughing crowd, I had _Emmett._ This man with his giant heart full of love for me, and his hands that could slay all my demons and yet still touch me with feather light strokes that made me quiver. I had Emmett, with his gentle smile and booming laugh and golden eyes that saw past my outside shell and wanted me anyway. For a brief moment I pictured the human I had been and I wondered how I could have ever believed I was happy when I didn’t have Emmett by my side.

Emmett danced well for such a big man, and I knew people were looking at us as he picked me up and kissed me, but I didn’t care. I touched his face with my cool hands, dipping my fingertips into his dimples as he laughed and kissed me again. “I love you Rosalie.”

At one point we danced near to Esme and Edward, and Edward came over and touched Emmett’s arm. “Let me cut in,” he said to Emmett with a grin. “I want the pleasure of dancing with my beautiful sister…you take Esme outside, she needs a break.”

Emmett winked and released me. “Behave yourselves!” he said in mock threat, and then laughed as he and Esme headed towards the outer door.

Edward took me into his cool embrace, and I grinned at him as we moved across the floor. “I’m having such a wonderful time!”

Edward smiled at me, for once with genuine affection on his face. “I can tell. It’s good to see you so happy Rose.” He chuckled briefly. “I know we don’t get along - I know what you think of me after all! – but…”

“Oh, stop it!” I scolded him, laughing. “Reading my mind is cheating Edward…I think lots of horrible things about people! If I don’t say it aloud it doesn’t count!”

Edward threw back his head and laughed. “I’ll try and keep that in mind! What I really wanted to say was that even if we _don’t_ always get along that well, I do consider you my sister. I’m glad you found Emmett and brought him in to the family and I hope the two of you are very happy together.” Expertly he spun me around and smiled at me charmingly, and I gave him an impulsive hug.

“You’re infuriating sometimes!” I said to him with a giggle. “But I’m glad you’re my brother for all that…thank you.” Then the two of us danced, and for once Edward relaxed in my company and the two of us laughed and teased and flirted outrageously until Emmett finally came over and demanded I come back to him. Joyfully I whirled into his arms, standing on tiptoe to drop a light, teasing kiss onto his full lips. “I love you Emmett.”

We were the last ones to leave at the end of the night, and even as the music stopped and the band started packing up their instruments I wished we could keep on dancing forever.

“I wish tonight could last forever!” I exclaimed to Kate, taking her arm impulsively. “Thank you so much for bringing me here. I had a wonderful time!” I glanced at the human man holding Kate’s other arm, appearing dazzled as he looked from her to me and back again. I giggled. “I think you had a good time too…”

“Oh, get away with you, cheeky baby!” Kate scolded with a laugh. “Go and find your Emmett and leave me to my own enjoyments!”

I winked at her and scampered away in the snow to where Emmett was standing, looking up at the bright stars in the clear Alaskan night. “You’ll have to come back one day, for the northern lights,” Irina said to him, her eyes bright as she looked from the stars to Emmett and I. “They’re amazing.”

Emmett nodded, and as his strong arm came around me and I felt his strong, broad body press against mine, heat blossomed deep in my belly. _I want you._ I looked up at him and smiled softly. “Come on Emmett. Let’s get back.”

We walked until we were sure we weren’t being observed, and then sped up to run with vampire speed through the snow. We weren’t back at the house yet when Emmett caught my hand in his and slowed down until we were walking.

“Tired out are you?” I teased him, amused that he’d gone from racing Edward to stay at the front to letting everyone else disappear ahead of us.

Emmett grinned. “Exhausted,” he said with a chuckle. “There’s this girl, she’s been keeping me up with her insatiable demands for my body…just kidding! I wanted to be with you, that’s all. I thought we may as well walk and enjoy the privacy.”

“Well, I’m not going to say no to that.” Happiness bubbling up in my stomach I leaped lightly on to a fallen tree and smiled down at Emmett before I jumped. He caught me in his strong arms, as I knew he would, and I kissed him softly. “You did so well tonight Emmett, I was so proud.”

“Thank you,” he said, with a half shy smile, before he gave me a final smacking kiss and swung me back down to my feet.

I sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes at him as I took his hand. “Okay, no kissing…I’ll just walk through this snow in my bare feet, wearing only lace…” I grumped.

“You don’t get cold!” Emmett exclaimed, his dimples flashing at me as he laughed. I giggled too, but then my laugh cut off as Emmett clasped my hands in his and went down on his knees in the snow, looking up at me with golden eyes bright with love. “I want to marry you,” he said, and he opened his hands to show me a ring.

I barely even looked at it. In that moment no jewellery on earth could be as beautiful as the vampire man looking up at me from his knees, and I wanted nothing more than I wanted to be with him always. He knew too, without me saying anything, because his smile broadened to a grin as he kissed my hand and slid the ring on to my finger. Then, with an exultant whoop, he jumped to his feet and swung me around before he kissed me again, long and hard and passionately.

“I love you,” he said, half serious and half laughing, his happiness evident in his beaming smile and shining eyes. “I want forever with you, Rosa girl, I want to be yours and know that you’re mine every single day…you’re my world baby. There isn’t anything I want more than you.”

Almost overcome with the intensity of emotion I was feeling, I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled my hands in his hair as I pulled his face down to mine so that I could kiss him back. “I want that too,” I said sincerely. “You’re mine, Emmett, always…you are all I need.”

Emmett’s voice was serious when he spoke again, although he couldn’t repress his dimples as he stroked my face. “You and I, pretty girl,” he said quietly. “Always, because the two of us together is what matters. I don’t have that much to give you…” He shrugged a little awkwardly as I shook my head at him. “…and I can’t swear that I’ll never mess up again, but I can promise you that I will love you and do whatever I can to make you happy, and stand by your side forever Rosalie.”

In the end that was all that mattered- that he loved me and I loved him above all else, and that we wanted to be together. Alone out in the beautiful snowy wilderness I kissed him again, and I knew that whatever else happened Emmett and I together would endure, just as it was meant to be.

 


	30. Always

_Six months later._

I lay in the rose scented bathwater, but for once it really didn’t do anything to soothe my jangled nerves. I scowled at the ceiling and shook my head as I had to confront the truth. I could pretend all I liked that today’s jitteriness was about the wedding this afternoon, but the truth was it had a lot more to do with Emmett’s banishment from our bedroom over the past week than the wedding! I hadn’t realised until I had insisted on abstinence for this week before the wedding how much that physical relationship had become central to my feeling of wellbeing. When I’d first raised the subject Emmett had begged in horrified distress for me to reconsider, and Edward had simply laughed at me scornfully which had made me all the more determined. As my tension and irritability had increased over the days I had come to regret this badly, but my pride had kept me from backing down. _Tonight though…_ A most unladylike grin spread across my face for a moment as I curled my toes in anticipation… _tonight Rosalie, you can wait until tonight!_

With a sigh I rose from the bathtub and dried myself off, just as Esme knocked gently on the door.

“Rosalie? Are you out of the water now? It’s time to start getting you ready.”

“I’m coming.” I tossed the towel in the hamper and wrapped my robe around me and then opened the door to see Esme, also in her robe and with her hair already dressed, waiting outside.

“I just wanted a moment alone with you,” Esme said softly, as we entered my room, and I began slipping on my bridal underwear. I smoothed out my stockings and then looked at her from where I sat on the bed as she smiled at me lovingly. “I just wanted to say how happy I am for you, and how very glad I am that you and Emmett will always have each other.”

“Thank you,” I said, a little stiffly. “I know I’m not always the easiest person in the world, and I really do appreciate all that you and Carlisle have done for me. I know…well, I wouldn’t be here marrying Emmett today if it weren’t for the two of you, and I do thank you for all that you’ve done for both of us.”

Esme smiled and began brushing my hair with long, sweeping strokes. “It’s been a pleasure Rosalie. I love the family we’ve created, and I’m enormously grateful that you and Emmett have continued to be a part of it. With that in mind…” She paused and reached into the pocket of her robe. “You know the bride’s tradition. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…”

I laughed quietly. “My dress is new, my earrings are old, the sapphires are blue…”

“And if you would like, I have something you could borrow.” Esme withdrew her hand from her pocket and shyly offered me her silver Cullen bracelet.

“Oh Esme.” I was deeply touched by her offer. I knew how much she treasured her gift from Carlisle. “I don’t know what to say! I would love to wear it.”

Esme smiled and watched me fasten it on my wrist. “Thank you darling. It will make me so happy to see you wearing the crest today and know that you really are a Cullen, whatever name you go by. Now,” she went on briskly, pushing me on to the dressing table stool and picking up the hair brush again. “It’s about time we got on with getting you ready! We don’t want to keep Emmett waiting at the church _too_ long.”

Kate and Irina came in, both of them already dressed up and Kate carrying the flowers for my hair, which she set down on the dressing table with a smile. “We’ve bought you the blossoms. No hurry though Esme, I believe the groom is still somewhere out in the woods.”

At that moment there was a clatter on the roof and Emmett, mud on his knees and in his hair and the drying remnants of a blood meal spattered across his torn shirt, came tumbling in through the window.

“Emmett!” Esme was scandalised. “What are you doing here?”

“Come to see my girl,” he answered with his irrepressible grin as he winked at me.

“You’re not supposed to see her before the ceremony!” Irina scolded him sharply.

“She’s not wearing her dress,” Emmett said innocently, his eyes raking over me and making me realise that my robe had slipped open so that the tops of my stockings and bare thighs were clearly revealed. He grinned as I raised my eyebrows at him. “You know, you don’t _have_ to wear a dress, you could just stay like that…”

 _Don’t tempt me!_ I stopped myself from shivering as a wave of desire washed through me, and poked my tongue out at Emmett in the mirror.

Kate laughed. “Tonight, big guy,” she told him saucily. “You can wait until tonight! Now get out of here, before I have to make you!” She wiggled her fingers at him in an obvious threat.

Emmett grimaced. “You’re such a bully,” he muttered but then, undeterred, he dodged around them and planted a smacking kiss right on my mouth. I noticed with a rush of love that he was very careful not to touch any other part of me with his dirty clothes and hands. “I love you baby doll,” he said, gazing intently at my eyes. “I’ll see you later…I’ll be the one at the end of the aisle. The good looking one- just ignore Edward standing up there too.” He winked and then kissed everyone else with exuberant good cheer before he disappeared out the window again.

Esme shook her head in amusement. “He is an impossible boy!”

“He’s beautiful,” I said softly. “He’s just perfect.”

Kate and Irina went downstairs, and I sat quietly while Esme finished pinning up my hair and fixed the flowers into it. She left the room to fetch some extra hairpins and as I stepped carefully into my dress there were quick footsteps in the hall and Edward appeared.

“I was looking for Esme,” he said in explanation. “Emmett’s in need of some sewing assistance.”

“Help me with my dress?” I asked, beginning the task of doing up the hundred tiny pearl buttons that ran up my back.

“Of course.” If Edward felt odd about helping me dress he was too much of a gentleman to say anything, instead he stepped over and with nimble fingers began buttoning from the neck as I buttoned up from the bottom until we met in the middle. For a moment he clasped my hands behind my back and our eyes met in the mirror.

“I’m glad you found him Rosalie,” Edward said lightly. “Be good to him- he deserves something wonderful.”

“You think I’d be anything else?” I teased, and then turned and hugged him, suddenly and fiercely. “I’ll never mention it again,” I said in a voice ragged with a strange mix of laughter and grief, “And I’ll pretend I never said it…but thank you for what you’ve done for me Edward. For staying by me at the start and watching over me when I took my revenge, because I know you did that. Thank you for bringing me out of Volterra. Thank you for not giving up on me, and for helping me find Emmett, and thank you for my engagement ring because I know you gave it to Emmett to give to me!” I pushed him away from me. “Now go away…I’m getting entirely too sappy!”

Edward laughed and gave me a gentle shove. “We can’t have that! I have to find Esme anyway…it seems Emmett is more anxious that today go well than he’s letting on, and he’s forgotten how to do up buttons without tearing them off.”

Edward left the room and I took a moment to myself, looking out the window and breathing steadily to settle myself. I wanted this wedding, I wanted to stand up in front of my family and friends and make my vows to Emmett, I wanted to look into his face and see the love and devotion shining back at me…but for all that I was terrified. Deep in the recesses of my heart I still heard Royce… _you wear my ring…I will own you…_ and I shuddered at the memory of how that had ended.

I touched my indistinct reflection in the window glass, and then stepped back hastily as I saw Edward step out onto the drive. He looked behind him with a grin and a moment later Emmett came out, resplendent in his suit and with a smile on his face that could have lit up the world. I watched as Edward pushed him in to the car, and I smiled to hear Emmett’s gleeful whoop as they sped off towards the church. I watched until I could no longer see them, and then my eyes dropped to the Cullen crest on the bracelet Esme had lent me and I felt a deep and abiding sense of calm steal over me.

_This is not like it was before. This time I am not that naïve, innocent child playing games she doesn’t understand in a grown up world she’s not ready for. This time I am strong and I will have courage, I am me and I know who I am now. I am Rosalie Lillian Hale and this time it is Emmett and this time it is right._

There was a soft knock on the door behind me. “Rosalie? Are you ready?”

It was Carlisle. I went and opened the door and looked at him, half defiantly and half shyly. We had such a complicated relationship, this man who had made me and I, but he had borne me into this vampire world and done his best to make it work for me, and I had asked him to take on the role of my father and walk me down the aisle for my wedding.

“Rosalie, you look beautiful.” Carlisle smiled at me kindly, and then chuckled. “Well, you always look beautiful, you know that! But today…today you have outdone yourself my dear girl. You look radiant, and that’s because today it comes from in here.” And he tapped me gently over my heart. “Shall we go?”

I nodded, and walked downstairs to where Esme was waiting for us, holding out the flowers she’d just spritzed with water. “Here’s your bouquet Rosalie,” she said cheerfully, handing it to me and then nudging Carlisle and I outside to where the Cadillac was waiting. “Get in, get in…we’ve somehow managed to make ourselves late! Poor impatient Emmett will be going out of his mind if we’re not there soon.”

I laughed, but once we reached the church I was the one who was impatient. As much as I had enjoyed all the fuss of the preparations, all I wanted then was Emmett. I wanted to see his eyes light up with pleasure and pride when he saw me, I wanted to touch his hands and breathe in his scent and promise him forever.

It was everything I had hoped for, standing in the doorway of the church and looking down the aisle to see my Emmett standing there waiting for me. The church was heady with the scent of all the flowers, everyone was dressed in their best and looking at me, but I barely noticed any of it as I sought out Emmett’s golden eyes and dimpled smile and walked to meet him.

As Carlisle and I drew to a stop beside Emmett he leaned towards me with a happy growl, and there was a light ripple of amused laughter. Carlisle shook his head and laughed at him, and then took my hands in his, looking down at me lovingly. “Darling girl…you deserve this,” he said to me softly.

For a moment I couldn’t speak, my throat tight. After all I had done, all the hateful words and furious shouting and rage, and yet he still forgave me and wished me well. “Carlisle,” I whispered, and then swallowed hard and nodded. “Thank you.” I couldn’t say anything else, but I like to think he understood.

As he released my hands I turned to Emmett and looked up at him, my mouth curving up in a smile. _My beloved Emmett_. For a moment his fingers brushed across my face and it was like there was no one else in the world but the two of us as our eyes met and he leaned forward and touched his lips to my forehead.

Edward snorted and everyone laughed as he gripped the back of Emmett’s jacket and pulled him away from me with a jerk. Even I giggled briefly; nothing was going to bring down my euphoric mood now.

The ceremony was beautiful. Emmett’s voice was strong and confident as he said his vows, and although my tone was softer it was no less heartfelt. Although I have to admit that the look of suppressed hilarity on Edward’s face and Emmett’s raised eyebrows when I promised to love, honour and _obey_ him made me want to choke, I managed to say the words and smile angelically at the same time. Edward brought out the rings and I slid it on to Emmett’s finger easily as he gave me mine, the plain bands with the matching engraving on the insides - _Emmett and Rosalie. Always-_ and then the two of us stood with hands linked and it was done.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride,” the minister said solemnly, before his eyes crinkled in amusement as he looked at Emmett and added, “Again!”

I turned my face to Emmett, but the next thing I knew he had grabbed my waist with his strong hands and swung me up into his arms, causing me to shriek in surprise and drop my flowers. “Emmett!”

But the happiness and love shining out of his face mattered more to me than any lapse of wedding etiquette, and I shook my head and laughed and that’s when he kissed me. Open mouthed and joyous, and beautifully, wonderfully Emmett. I laughed again and kissed him back as we started the next chapter of our lives together.

The reception was lovely. Small and friendly, with the Denali coven and some other vampire friends, as well as human guests we knew through work and college. I drifted through it holding a glass of champagne as a prop, being kissed and fussed over and congratulated endlessly, conscious always of Emmett’s place in the room when he was not by my side.

It was not late when he caught me between conversations, pulling me into his arms and turning his back on the room for a moment of privacy.

“Let’s go baby,” he murmured, running his hands down my sides until they came to rest on my hips. His eyes were dark when they met mine. “I have to get out of here…I just want _you_ , Rosa girl, that’s all…I need that now.”

I nodded wordlessly. I wanted that too. After the busy lead up to the wedding and the lack of time together…I just wanted my Emmett. I needed to be with him, needed to feel his strong arms and loving heart and see myself reflected in his eyes.

Emmett smiled and bowed his head to mine, pressing his lips lightly against me. “I want you,” he murmured, almost inaudibly. “I want my bare naked angel girl…”

I swallowed hard. _Oh Emmett I want you too!_ I could feel my body responding just to the idea of him, and I knew he could tell. He laughed knowingly and his teeth grazed across my lip as he ran his hands up my sides, his thumbs brushing the underside of my breasts. _Oh, what are you trying to do to me?_

Abruptly Emmett turned away from me, his hand catching mine and towing me across the room to where Carlisle and Esme were standing with Kate and Edward. “Rose and I are going to go now,” he announced. “Thanks for the wedding, we’ll see you in a while…”

Carlisle laughed at his eagerness and Esme giggled as I rolled my eyes. “Manners,” I reminded him lightly, and made him take time to say goodbye and thank you to our guests. But at last we were standing on the front steps off the hall, and Carlisle’s eyes were bright as he grinned and waved at the beautiful blue Chevrolet parked at the bottom.

“Wedding present,” he told us, pressing a key into Emmett’s hand. “May the two of you always be as happy as you are today! Happy travels!”

I shrieked in glee, and hugged him impulsively. “Thank you, it’s beautiful!” I hugged Esme and even Edward, who laughed over my shoulder at Emmett and kissed me on the cheek. Then I tripped over to Emmett and wrapped my arms around his neck before I kissed him and then held out my hand. “Keys, please.”

Emmett laughed wickedly as he shook his head. “You don’t know where we’re going, so you don’t get to drive.”

I was disgusted. “But it’s new! And you drive like shit!”

“Get in the car.” Still grinning, Emmett gave me a gently push in the direction of the car, his fingertips lingering on my back. “Come on baby, I want to go away with you now. And while I know everyone thinks you’ve got me whipped, I’m still enough of a man that I’m not having my wife drive me away from my own wedding! Besides,” he added with a teasing smile. “This great girl has been giving me driving lessons…I’m _much_ better than I was.”

“Well, I suppose that’s true.” I had to concede that it was- after many hours of infuriating instruction Emmett had become quite a passable driver. And his touch on my arm, and the way he looked at me when he said _my wife…_ “I think we should go now.”

In the end I didn’t mind if Emmett drove. He had refused to tell me where he was taking me, and so I sat in the front seat, still wearing my beautiful dress, dreamily replaying the events of the day in my mind.

“You happy, baby?”

Emmett’s soft voice cut into my thoughts, and I looked back at him with a frank smile. “More than I could ever say.”

Emmett drove for a couple of hours, fast through the dark night. I knew we were heading towards the Canadian border and outside the car was nothing but dense forest, but for once I was willing to hand control to someone else and I just sat quietly. At last though Emmett slowed and pulled to a stop in front of a small, solid wood cabin.

“Come on,” he said, appearing at my door in a flash and holding out his hand for me.

The cabin was small, with a deep porch out front and two large windows on either side of the front door. Inside there was a big, low platform bed, a comfortable looking sofa and a writing desk with a chair beside a bookcase. Looking up I could see my model planes that I’d never unpacked when we moved to Oregon, twisting slowly on their threads. The place still smelled of freshly cut timber.

“You made this.” Suddenly all those lengthy ‘hunting’ trips and unexplained absences made sense.

Emmett nodded proudly. “Yeah. I wanted a place for us…just us. Somewhere for us to be alone and be together. I hope it’s okay,” he said, and there was a sudden look of uncertainty on his face. “I know it’s not fancy, but…”

I covered his mouth with my hands. “It’s _perfect,”_ I said sincerely. Why would I possibly want fancy when I could have _this_? What could be better than this little home that my Emmett had made for me with his very own hands? What could be better than _him?_

There was no rush then. As Emmett lit the fire I drifted through the room, noticing all the little touches. The soft rugs on the bare floorboards, my favourite books that he had bought copies of so that I could have them here, the same leather bound journal I wrote in at home and a selection of fountain pens. I ran my fingers over the rough hewn stones around the fireplace, and I smiled when I found my initials, carved into heart with Emmett’s. “Emmett…”

He took me into his arms, and rocked gently. “Happy wedding Mrs McCarty,” he murmured.

I couldn’t help making a face and laughing at him. “It all sounds so strange! I have to get used to them all, Hale, Cullen, McCarty…” _So many names! But I’m always Rosalie…_

Emmett shrugged carelessly. “Whatever one you use…like I said baby doll, I love all of you. All your names, and all your selves and all that you are.” He dropped his head and kissed me, his fingers busy undoing the buttons down my back. “Love you…” he murmured breathlessly as he undid the last one, and the heavy silk of the gown pulled it from my shoulders and it slithered off my body to pile around my feet.

I was only wearing knickers and stockings underneath, and as that was revealed I heard Emmett’s unconscious growl of desire, and I smiled at him slowly as I raised my arms to begin taking the pins out of my hair. Emmett stripped his own clothes off without ceremony and flung himself onto the bed, lying back with his hands behind his head and watched me silently as I worked on my hair, taking out the pins and flowers and letting the long waves of hair tumble down and tickle my back and cover my breasts. Finally I was done, and after I slipped off what remained of my clothing I turned to face Emmett who held his arms out to me.

“Come here angel.”

More than willing, I went into his arms, feeling him wrap himself around me and hold me close as both of us breathed hard. “So glad I ran into that bear,” Emmett murmured, his voice amused, and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“It was lucky for me too.” And then the rest of the world faded away as I kissed him. Alone in the dancing firelight the two of us moved together and with bodies and hearts and minds loved each other and gave ourselves over to what we would be together as we faced forever.

_Love you. Want you. Need you…always. Emmett, my beloved, I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end of this one! Thank you so much to everyone who continues to follow my stories and write me such encouraging messages and reviews- I truly appreciate all the feedback and love being able to talk about what I’m writing with people who are interested in it and love the characters like I do. I’ve tried to respond to everyone, and I’m sorry if I missed someone, I didn’t mean to. And I can’t respond directly to messages from people not signed in, but Ivy~ thank you for all the messages and reviews and I’m so happy you enjoyed this one too!  
> As always, kudos to Stephenie Meyer for making up the Twilight world and much gratitude for sharing it with everyone…I love playing here!


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